Motivate me.

Last night I was in such an emotional mood. We ended up staying at work an hour and a half later than we should have because customers came in at the last minute. On Friday night. I love that. Can you hear my sarcasm? Anyway, by the time we left I was tired and achy from working all week. I knew I had a ridiculously messy apartment to come home to, that I should've cleaned all week but flaked on, and I was hungry. I was SO cranky. Brian and I wanted to go out to a fancy dinner, we had been planning it all week, but both of us weren't feeling it at all. I came home and immediately started cleaning like a mad-woman, to the point of total exhaustion. Brian came into the bedroom as I was sorting laundry and said, "Lynda says "You need to eat." Lynda is my mom. Who always would remind me to eat when I was in a bad mood because she knew me enough to know that a good meal would solve all of my problems. Who I haven't seen since the beginning of January and before that hadn't seen since the beginning of October. Who I haven't spoken with for over a week, which is a really long time for us. I started bawling. It was definitely one of those "overwhelmed girl" moments. Brian went out and got us food, which was delicious and exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately the emotional stuff didn't stop, I was watching TV and crying at all the sad parts, which wouldn't have been sad under normal circumstances. It's not "that time of the month" or anything, I guess I just needed a good cry (or seven).

Lately I've been missing my parents like crazy. I shouldn't say lately, because honestly I've missed them like this since they left in October for their trip. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing grown-up, like this is just a game and as soon as they get back it will end. It won't, though. I need to come to terms with the fact that this is the beginning of the rest of my life. This is where I'm going to work, this what I'm going to do, Brian is the person I'm going to spend it with, this is the area I'm going to be living in. It's a very finite feeling. I'm ok with it, though. I don't feel stuck or anything, which is weird because if this were a year or two ago I definitely would have. I'd be feeling like my life is over, this is it, I don't have anything else to look forward to. But it's not scary anymore. It's just new still and I need to get used to it.

Working six days a week is definitely taking its toll on me. I need more time. I miss having my flexible weekday off. That was so great. When most of the world was at work I could get all of my chores done. It was a day that I could have to myself, to do whatever I wanted. I could catch up on sleep, clean the house, go food shopping, go to the city, read a book, do ANYTHING. I miss that so much. I still have Sunday off but a lot of the time it's filled with chores and/or familial obligations. I don't get much "Me Time." To be honest I don't even feel like I need "Me Time" too much anymore, more like time period. I'm never going to get around having to work on Saturdays so I'm just going to have to balance the time I do have better. I've always been terrible at that. If I'm ever going to get better at it now is the time to do that.

This is a playlist that always seems to motivate me and put me in better spirits as far as working and living is concerned:

It's missing one of my favorite songs that always cheers me up:

Sunflower progress 3 and why I chose them

Saturday, 2/28 @ 11:30am.

Most of the seeds have righted themselves and hopefully will grow properly. I'm completely excited to transplant them into real containers and start with my feeding and testing. I'm mostly just completely excited to have real sunflowers that I grew.

Sunflowers are one of my favorite flowers ever. My middle name is Sunshine so I love everything sun-related. I'm a complete summer baby and sunflowers remind me so much of my favorite season and being outdoors and feeling alive. They're beautiful and huge and eye catching. For my wedding I want to have sunflowers and white calla lilies. Well, first I have to see if those two flowers even look good together, they're so different. Oh and first I have to get engaged. That's pretty important before planning a wedding.

Sunflower progress 2

Friday 2/27 @ 7:15pm

Shake & Pop

Steve Aoki is spinning at Webster Hall tonight. I have work in the morning and a lot of stuff to take care of up here, so I probably won't be going. I'm not a huge fan or anything, but I really love this song:



I love Kid Sister, I seriously can't get enough of her.

Sunflower progress

I came into work this morning and went to check out my seeds. I was completely surprised by how much they grew since last night.


That photo was taken at about 12pm today, 19 hours since the photo in my last entry. This has lead me to want to make a complete documentation of growth. The reason I'm starting six plants is so I can do a side-by-side test of different fertilizers. I was going to keep the information for myself and the customers in the store but I think I'm going to try to blog about the progress also. I like to keep my work and personal business very separate but with my blog I don't think that's 100% possible (definitely possible but never 100%). I started this to write about myself, my life, what I do...I made a conscious decision to be a bit more vulnerable in this blog than my previous journals. So I'm sharing my findings because it's something I'm excited and passionate about.

My first order of business (so official, I know) is to take another photo at the end of the day today to show their progress in six hours.

Food, dancing pandas, work and gardening.

There's this place by my job where I get lunch sometimes. Every time I eat there I always wonder, "Why don't I get food here more often???" Today I went there and got a sandwich called the Humungus Fungus. It sounds gross, I know, but it's delicious. From their website:" Grilled portabello mushrooms, roasted red peppers and imported aged provolone cheese on an Italian hero with pesto & balsamic vinegar." SO GOOD. Getting a good lunch at work makes my day so much better.

Another thing that makes my day better is getting ridiculous emails from Brian. For instance, I received an email with just this in the body: You might not be able to tell from that picture but it is an abnormally chubby panda, and it's actually supposed to be animated and dancing. Trust me, it's funnier when it's dancing. I love pandas so I thought that was really cute.

Work today has been a mix of busy and slow...mostly pretty slow, though. I don't mind, I pretty much always expect it to slow down this time of year (taxes, ugh) and also towards the end of the month (bills, ugh). I'm sure it will pick back up again soon. At least we have time to clean up a little and get things done. When it starts getting warmer out I like to start up some displays in the store. Yesterday I cleaned out one of my trays and domes and started some Sunflower seeds. This morning I came in and they had already cracked:

Those little white things are the roots starting to come out. Unfortunately I put them in upside down so they're going to have to right themselves. I hope. If not I'll try and help them along but I want to see if they'll do it on their own first. I'm actually really excited because I've never grown sunflowers before. I try to stick with plants that don't get too tall so I can manage them indoors, but I'm thinking of this as a challenge. I also impulsively bought some corn seeds, but I think corn indoors might be a little too ambitious. I'm still deciding, though. Last year I tried to grow Super Beefsteak tomatoes in a hydroponic setup. It didn't work out too well, two weeks in they were already growing into the light. I transplanted them to soil buckets outdoors but by that point it was too late in the season. It took them two weeks to recover from the shock of changing mediums/watering systems, and to be honest I don't think they ever 100% recovered. I got a couple of small tomatoes but not at all what I wanted. This year I'm starting them indoors in soil and then bringing them out pretty early. I've developed a serious passion for gardening but I've learned I need to take baby steps so I don't overwhelm myself.

Saturday Shopping.

When I was younger, mostly around Back-To-School time, my mom would take me shopping. When we would get home I'd try on all my new stuff and run to show my dad. When he complimented something I picked out it made me feel good. Validated, almost. When I got older and moved out, after most shopping trips I would stop at their house and show my mom all of my new stuff. She gave me her opinion and we would talk about each item. I know it's a silly tradition but, now that they're away, one that I miss. I guess that's why I blog about what I buy when I go shopping. This is a new way for me to share it with other people and get their feedback, since my mom is unavailable. So, thanks for reading.

In my last entry I said I was going to Anthropologie to make an exchange. Here is what I bought while I was there:

Last time I was there I saw this shirt in grey, but there was only one left in my size and it had a huge stain on it. I was really happy to find it in navy this time! Also, on sale!

This was another shirt I found on sale. I love the way the front is all drapey.

My favorite purchase (and a total splurge)! This fun Ella Moss tank top is so summery! I love it! I'm totally resisting the urge to go out wearing this and short jeans and sandals in 30 degree weather.

Right near Anthropologie there is a Victoria's Secret. I hate bra shopping. Seriously, hate it. It's my least favorite thing to shop for aside from jeans. I'm 5'1" and finding a good pair of jeans that I don't have to get tailored is super hard. Anyway, earlier in the day I had received a $10 off coupon in the mail so I decided to stop in and see if there was anything new that I liked. 30 minutes and entirely way too much money later...

New black Angels bra (I have like 4 different versions of this bra but I love them all).

Same bra as above but in a greyish purple and pink color scheme. I'm boring, I know, but once I find something good I stick with it.

This bra and underwear combo. I have the same bra in nude and black (again, boring).

I also got a bunch of those 3-for and 5-for undies.

I wandered into Pottery Barn next but didn't buy anything. I had wanted to buy these glass bottles I had seen online but they were online/catalog only. Side-note: right after Christmas I bought a bunch of their Organic Cotton Turkish bath towels and it's seriously insane how soft they are. You know what they say, once you go Turkish-terry you don't go back (I don't think anyone actually says that).

Going to PB and Anthropologie got me in the "I want to decorate my apartment and make it beautiful" frame of mind. I absolutely fell in love with this duvet/bedding set from Anthropologie:


I neeeed it.

Saturday.

I just realized I seem to blog more on Saturdays. I think because it's the one half-day I get at work. I sometimes even have time to post FROM WORK because nobody wants to come in and shop/work on Saturday. We're usually so busy running around during the week, I look at it as a positive thing. Today was pretty busy, though, so I'm just relaxing at home for a little while. I want to go to Anthropologie in a little while though and return a shirt. I am in love with that place but at the same time everything is so damn expensive. I always feel guilty shopping there, too, because I have a few really great independent shops around here that sell the same type of clothes. With the current economy I'd really prefer to support mom-and-pop shops.

Speaking of, there's this really great place down the street from where I work that sells a lot of really nice basics (stuff like Michael Stars and Splendid). I went in there a few weekends ago and got this tanktop:


...for super cheap. I always find myself buying tank tops in the winter, I think it's to distract myself from the fact that I'm freezing and miserable. Almost to give me hope for warmer weather. Or something.

After Anthropologie I have no idea what I'm doing. Brian's sick and cranky (SO cranky) so I'm not sure if he wants to go out. I think I need some time to recoup from work this week, I've been completely exhausted. Last night Sean came over and I fell asleep while we were hanging out. That's not the first time I've done that to him recently, either. I feel like a shitty friend but I know he understands. Maybe we'll just get a good movie and some takeout and be boring, that actually sounds perfect.

Five Guys

Ok so last weekend I went to the new Five Guys that opened up (I mentioned that I might in one of my previous posts) around here. I didn't know what to expect since I'd never been to one before, but was hoping and praying that it would be similar to In-N-Out Burger. I pulled up and saw a line practically out the door and was totally discouraged from even going inside. There were no tables available and it was just pure madness. We waited for Kiera and her cousins to show up and placed our orders anyway. I got a grilled cheese with grilled onions and cajun fries. I tried to order the large fries but the guy taking my order wouldn't let me. He asked if they were just for me and said, "yeahhhh you're going to want the regular. I can't even finish the large." I'm a champ at eating (god bless my light-speed metabolism) and thought he was just being a wuss, but I'm happy I listened to him. I got half-way through and thought I might vom.

My review of the food: decent, MESSY, will probably get non-cajun fries next time (way spicier than I was expecting).

VS. In-N-Out....In-N-Out's got them SO beat.

I'm Bossy

This week has been fairly tedious, work-wise. I had to perform a bunch of boring boss-like duties, like calling the accountant, dealing with paperwork, taxes, year-end-summaries, paying bills, etc. It's my job, as the person running the corporation, to perform such duties, which is taking a lot of getting used to. By now I should be comfortable with my roll as boss-lady, and I am (for the most part), but every once in awhile it surprises me. That was my father's role here, and believe me, he has very, very large shoes to fill. He's extremely knowledgeable in our field, almost a revolutionary, and he has one of the strongest personalities I've ever known. It took me years to figure out that I can't be him, so I should stop trying and be comfortable being myself. So far, by the way things have been going this winter, our customers are accepting of, and happy with, who I am and the way I do business. It's one thing for the customers to be happy and a completely different thing for my father to be happy, but he tells me how much he is every time I speak with him.

I feel such an enormous sense of pride knowing that at 25 years old I've stepped up into a position that provides not only for Brian and me but for my parents, too. They're able to be cruising around the Bahamas on their boat, knowing that the business is fine and that they're taken care of while they're gone. It's huge. I always think about how proud my grandparents (my dad's parents) would be if they were around still. I didn't always make safe and conservative choices in my life, yet through it all they supported me and assured my dad that I would turn out fine (I think he always knew it, too, but fathers worry). I wish they could see their predictions come true.

MAC x Hello Kitty

The Mac Cosmetics X Hello Kitty makeup collection came out this week. I had been looking forward to it for so long! I stopped by the MAC counter at Macy's after work on Thursday and picked up my goods (again, sorry for the terrible iPhone pictures):



From the Hello Kitty Wild collection I got Nail Lacquer in "Something About Pink" and Tinted Lip Conditioner in "Pink Fish." From the Hello Kitty Mild collection I got Lipglass in "Mimmy." I'm not a huge makeup person but I had to have these! I wish they had more "stuff," like figures and accessories, the way they did for the Fafi release:



I love MAC's collaborations. I wonder who they'll work with next.

Saturday/Love Day

Ugh another Saturday morning. At work. After going out last night.

Last night Dre and K stopped by work and told us to come over after we closed up. We hung out over there for awhile then went home to get ready for Christine and Virginia's birthday party at V's dad's gallery. Of course it took way longer than expected and we didn't show up until around 11:15. Sean was there already and so were a bunch of our friends. The soundtrack was early 90's party music. Pump Up the Jam, Groove is in the Heart, Boom Boom Boom, Da Dip, This is How We Do It. I love that stuff! We stayed until around 1:30, then went home because we have work today. Working on Saturdays seriously puts a damper on Friday nights. I wonder if I'll start taking some Saturdays off when my dad comes back in the spring (I doubt it...I'm becoming a workaholic).

Today is loooooove day. I don't think we'll be doing anything coupley. We have tentative lunch plans with Sean and Kiera. A Five Guys just opened up sort of nearby so we want to go check it out. I found out about Five Guys after coming back from Cali and wondering why we don't have In-N-Out's on the East Coast. In-N-Out is by far the best fast food restaurant ever. I don't eat burgers so I was convinced I wouldn't like it, but thankfully we went with Doug who opened my eyes to the whole "Secret Menu" concept. Grilled Cheese! Animal Style! Writing this is totally making me have flash-backs and cravings. I seriously can't wait for the next time we go back to San Diego just so I can eat their delicious food. Anyway, so Five Guys is the same sort of Burger-Joint type place and they have grilled cheese and fries. I'm there. Besides that, no real plans for today. No work tomorrow so I'll just have to figure out something fun to do. Working so much makes me appreciate the weekend so much more.

Tokidoki capsule store!

Opening March 7th, Tokidoki will have a capsule store in NYC! It will be at 176 Spring Street. So excited! I love Tokidoki. This is my current non-serious Tokidoki collection:

Forgive the cellphone quality! I left my Nikon at work, even though Brian tried to convince me to bring it home with me. Figures I would want to use it for something. This is my favorite Tokidoki picture ever, from Fatlace in San Francisco:

Lazy Sunday

I love Sundays! It's my one day off from work, making it my favorite day of the week. I woke up on the couch (again) and rolled around for an hour or so. Watched TV with Brian, made some coffee, ate a leftover corn muffin from breakfast on Friday (still surprisingly good), eventually got ready to be a human. We decided to go to Lowe's to return a curtain rod and some tie-backs that ended up not working in our living room (very coupley, I know) and then go to Trader Joe's. I love Trader Joe's! We don't go there very often because it's in New Jersey (only about 20 minutes away, but still...) so we definitely go a little crazy when we do make it there. My favorite/most exciting things I bought:

- Pesto Tortellini Bowl (lunch today)
- Veggie Pizza
- Olive Tapenade
- Marinated Mozzarella
- Vegetable Shumai w/ dipping sauce
- new reusable tote bags (one from recycled plastic bottles, one printed cotton)

Then we went home, put away groceries, cooked dinner, then put up some of the stuff we bought at Lowe's (you can never go and JUST return things, of course we ended up shopping, too) like a new hand towel ring for the bathroom. When we moved in I vowed to change it. Now, 2 1/2 year later...
I know it's small and seemingly unimportant but it is just one more step towards getting the place to look the way I want.

Main Essentials

I hate working 6 days a week. Hate it. I try and maintain some semblance of a social life by going out on Friday nights, only to wake up on Saturday totally regretting it. I woke up this morning on the couch (I must have passed out last night), sort of wanting to die. Work has been decent, fairly slow (I shouldn't say this but I do welcome that on Saturdays). It gave us a chance to grab lunch at this new vegan place by our job, Main Essentials. I'm used to eating the same old food from the same old places (albeit delicious food from delicious places) so new choices are exciting. Brian called me and said he thought I would like the tofu and mixed veggies. Sure, sounds good. I was expecting plain veggies with some plain grilled tofu which, although it sounds boring, I like. He brought me back this plate of food that I swear to god could have been from a Thai restaurant. The tofu was seasoned and cooked perfectly and the veggies were a great mix. AND, it tasted as good as it looked. AND, along with a falafel pita and "fresh fries" only cost $9. New favorite place!


I searched them after I realized how much I love them to see if they got other good reviews (they did) and found this YouTube video from when they first opened:

Staniel Cay, Bahamas Pt. I

Between Christmas and New Years we closed the store and Brian and I went down to Staniel Cay, Bahamas to see my parents. I hadn't seen them since October when they left to go cruising on their boat. That's the longest I've ever gone without seeing them since I lived in Florida in 2004. I missed them like crazy. Staniel Cay is a small cay in the Exuma chain:


We had only been to the Bahamas once to go to Atlantis and my dad promised it was nothing at all like that, so we had no idea what to expect. We flew out of JFK and into Ft. Lauderdale, then from Ft. Lauderdale we took a propeller plane to Andros where we cleared customs, then to Staniel Cay. I was completely terrified at the thought of taking a Cessna, and even more terrified when the pilot told me I'd be flying co-pilot. I literally had a steering wheel and gauges in front of me. Scary at first, but definitely the best seat in the plane once I got over the initial fear. The closer we got the more excited I was to see my parents. We got off the plane and they took us back to the club in a golf cart they rented for a couple days. That's how you get around the island. We settled in and went to the clubhouse/restaurant bar...

...and put in our dinner orders. Every night they serve a 4 course dinner. You have to get your orders in by 5pm if that's what you want to do for food. You choose your protein and your side (my favorites were lobster - the lobster tails were the most ridiculous things I've ever seen! HUGE and just tons of white lobster meat - and parsley potatoes) and they serve you a soup, salad and dessert. At 7pm-ish they ring a bell and that's how everyone knows it's time to eat. We only did that twice, the rest of the time we ordered off the regular menu.

The next morning we woke up and went out on the porch of our cottage (the blue one on the right)...

...for the most insane view ever.

We got breakfast from the club, ate it outside, then my parents took us on a tour of the island. Staniel Cay is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! Here are some sites we saw:

You take this road anytime you have to go to the grocery store or to get bread:

Have you ever seen the James Bond movie, Thunderball?


A lot of scenes were shot in the Bahamas (mostly Nassau and the Exumas). Here's the sign to a restaurant/bar called Club Thunderball where a lot of the cast and crew hung out during filming:

The smallest island in the middle is where Thunderball Grotto is located. You get there by dinghy and you have to swim under rocks to get inside the grotto. It is supposed to be one of the most amazing places to go snorkeling but we didn't get to it this time around.
This pretty much sums up the "Whatever" vibe of the Bahamas...it's an actual street sign: