Plans and Preparations

Since my mom isn't back in NY yet, I've had to stand in for her as far as organizing and planning go. Last night after work I met my aunt at the nursing home and we cleaned out my grandma's room. I'm actually glad that we're the ones who did it because my mom would've had a really hard time with it. We left most of her things in bags so my mom can go through them when she gets home, that way she doesn't feel left out. It took us almost four hours but we got it done and I know we did it right. We donated a lot of the clothes and nightgowns to the nursing home for other patients and kept all the important and sentimental stuff. I had a few "moments" but overall I've been mature about it. Sean said I'm handling it VERY well which was nice to hear, he's seen me all emotional before so he knows what I can get like. After that my aunt and I drove over to my grandpa's to drop everything off and also I wanted to see how he was doing. JR came over and brought us all pizza which was really nice. We had realized after we finished cleaning that it was 10pm and neither of us had eaten all day. I left there around 11:30pm and went home. I called my mom and booked her flights to come home, I'm picking her up at the airport at 5pm today. I have tickets to see Mos Def and Talib Kweli tonight but I don't know what to do about that. I've been looking forward to it for awhile but it starts at 8pm and it's in Times Square. I'll probably be back from the airport at around 6pm but I want to be there for my mom if she needs me. I'm still undecided (I know I have to decide quick if I want to give any of my friends the tickets) and that's sort of stressing me out. I don't know what to do.

These kinds of days are hard, they take a lot out of you but I can sleep well at night knowing that I'm doing my best for my family.

5 years

I was reading my old journal this morning and found an entry from 5 years ago. My grandma was in the hospital, they had just put her respirator on. My dad had just come home from getting his boat (the Nordhavn) in Florida. It seems like so long ago but it was only 5 years. What's crazy about it is that we've come full circle. This week has mirrored that week almost exactly.

Tuesday morning I got a call from my grandpa asking me to check on my grandma before work because she had come down with pneumonia in the nursing home. I called first and the nurses said she was fine, on antibiotics and resting so I shouldn't come. 20 minutes later I got a phone call from my grandpa saying, pretty much, wtf she's going to the hospital, how is she fine?? Then at 4am they brought her back from the hospital to the nursing home, so I went to check on her before work. She just seemed really tired and drained, which I understood because she'd been all over the place the day (and night) before and was fighting something. Then that night (Wednesday) my aunt called me to say the nurses didn't think she'd make it through the night and we should go and be with her. I went, she looked awful, she was totally unresponsive. It was really hard to deal with but I was glad to be there for her. We stayed until 1:00am then went home to try and sleep. They moved her back to the hospital yesterday, diagnosed her with pneumonia AND a staff infection in her blood. I went to see her after work and she seemed to be doing better. Her hands and feet weren't freezing cold like they were the night before, she was moving around in bed, and they had an actual diagnosis this time. She was on an iv with fluids and antibiotics and the nurse seemed very positive. I'm going to see her tonight after work, hopefully she's doing even better today.

My parents are around North Carolina right now with the boat. They're bringing the Intrepid up to NY from Florida. My mom is so sad and I know she feels an immense amount of guilt for not being here, which she shouldn't. I hope she knows that this isn't her fault and nothing would change if she were here or not.

My mom just called me to let me know that my grandma had passed away. I didn't know if I should delete this whole entry or not, but I figure proper documentation is important so I'm leaving it as is. It's surprising because after last night I was so hopeful but I guess she took a turn for the worse. I'm sad, but grateful for the time we spent together.

Dressing your age?

About a month ago I was sitting at my friend Sean's house, talking to my friends Craig and Mairead. Craig mentioned something about being on a "dressing my age" kick and how he just bought a bunch of new polo shirts. He also said that B and Sean don't dress their age because they wear t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, hats, etc. (I believe he made a comparison to rappers somewhere in there, too). There are a few reasons why that was funny based on his own fashion tendencies (one word: heely's), but that's not what got me thinking. I have a bunch of customers at work who are in their 30's and 40's and dress the same as Brian. My dad even dresses like younger guys, wearing Abercrombie shorts and plain t-shirts from Banana Republic. Is any guy over the age of 24 who dresses casually considered to be an immature dresser?

Admittedly, Brian does NOT dress up. He has a bunch of polo shirts but they're "cool" polo shirts (Polo, Crooks and Castles, etc.). He has a pair of khaki's somewhere. He has one pair of non-sneakers (if you're not counting Timbs and Nike ACG's) which he affectionately refers to as his "funeral shoes". He has a suit, which makes an appearance about once every year or two when someone gets married and stays stuffed in a bag in the back of the closet in between. Even at weddings he puts his own casual spin on things, like at our friends' when he wore a suit with Nike Supreme Blazers and a Brooklyn Dodgers hat.

Until maybe last year I've had a complete identity crisis when it comes to how to dress. I'm 25 but I definitely lean towards a younger style of dressing. My job doesn't help, unless I want to ruin nice clothes/shoes I'm forced to dress in jeans and t-shirts and hoodies. I sometimes push it a little (like today, I'm wearing gold sandals and a nicer tank top):


...but I try and keep my nice clothes nice.

It's not easy being a 20-something. Are we kids still? Are we stuffy grown-ups? It's a very in-between age group. The brand I fight with the most is Victoria's Secret PINK. It's obviously aimed toward high school/college-aged girls. I have a bunch of their sweatpants (which I don't really wear outside) and a few hoodies, but sometimes I question it, like "Am I too old to be wearing this stuff?" I don't FEEL too old, but then when I see 12-year-old girls wearing the same clothes as me it's weird. I feel like one of those 50-year-old moms I see wearing Juicy tracksuits who just refuse to admit they're not teenagers. All that aside, I recently decided that I don't really care anymore. That I'm just going to wear what I like and if I get judged (or carded for a lotto ticket) then so be it. I will proudly wear one of my three Hello Kitty shirts out in public with no remorse.

My weekend (and week), new car, gardening

This week has been so awesome! My parents came back late Sunday night and we hung out every day they were here. They came by the shop to check out what we've been up to, my dad had nothing but good things to say about everything! So relieving. I don't think working together will be easy in the future but we'll see how things go.

The first day they were here they hung out at the shop the whole day then we went out to eat at this place that describes themselves as "Where Maine meets Memphis". It was seafood and bbq, strange combo but the food was delicious. My dad came over our apartment and watched some baseball and bs'd for awhile.

The next night we had my mom over so she could watch the finale of American Idol (don't judge, their tv was out) and got pizza. My dad got hungry so he came over later.

Then yesterday I went with my mom in the morning to do bank stuff, hung out at the store, then after work my dad and I drove to White Plains so I could look at a car and he could sign my old car over for a trade-in. I've been wanting to buy a new car for awhile now but I've been putting it off so I could save more money. Lately, though, my car has been getting to me. Little things keep going wrong, it has started making all these weird noises that nobody can figure out and it's just time to get a new one. We worked out a very decent price on a lease and if all goes well with financing (it's SO damn hard to get a loan right now) I will have it within a week! I'm very excited but I don't want to say anything yet because it hasn't been finalized. We went back over to their house after for some sushi and hung around talking for hours. It was great. We went home, Brendan came over for awhile and after he left I passed out on the couch.

Today they left to go back down to Florida. My dad has to meet with an old friend and get the boat to take back up to NY. If this week is any sign of what the summer will be like, I seriously can't wait. Now tonight Brian's parents are coming up to get dinner and hang out. I'm really excited because we haven't seen them since Mother's Day.

Sean comes home from Jamaica tomorrow, then it's Memorial Day weekend! I'm gonna keep the place open on Saturday (we close at 3pm so it doesn't infringe too much) and then close Monday (what's up 2-day weekend??) which will be a very welcome day off. I don't have any plans yet, except we're going to Brooklyn for a BBQ on Sunday. Brian's aunt invited Sean, too, so it should be a good time (I don't know if he can come yet). If I get a chance I really want to do some gardening on Saturday. I started all those seeds at the end of April and they're SO ready to be put outside:



I can't believe my zucchini already has flowers and baby zucchini's!

Parents!

I just talked to my mom! They're in Georgia! They should be back in NY late tomorrow night. I'm so excited!

B's birthday, Mother's Day and my parents.

Last Saturday after work Brian and I celebrated his birthday (his 26th birthday, such an old man!). I was trying to come up with a good place to go all week and I totally couldn't come up with anything. We always go into the city and do something we don't usually do but I wanted to change it up a little. We had wanted to try this restaurant Houston's for awhile, it's in Riverside Square in NJ. He also wanted a bag/briefcase for work (or a man-purse, as I call it, which he loves), so I figured there were enough stores there where I could find one for his bratty ass. I say that because he didn't want just ANY man-purse, it had to be a fancy, ridiculously overpriced man-purse. Anyway. Fast forward to no stores having anything he liked, but me buying myself a new bag instead (happy birthday). Also fast forward to the wait at Houston's being an hour and 45 minutes. What. As disappointed as we were, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. We wandered around and decided to go to Morton's, which we didn't even know was there. The food was insanely good. First they bring out this delicious monster onion bread. For appetizers I got lobster bisque, B got onion soup, both were outrageous. For our meals I got a small filet, he got a NY strip and we shared cajun spiced macaroni and cheese. Definitely on my top-5-steaks-ever list. Seriously delicious. All in all it was actually a really good day. We had a lot of fun together and were so happy all day. I gave him his gifts later that night:

Mighty Healthy Capone and Noreaga t-shirt

Undrcrwn t-shirt

Ralph Lauren Polo

Another Ralph Lauren Polo

I got him a pair of Polo camo shorts, too, but somehow we misjudged the length. They are the definition of short shorts. They're terrible, I'm returning them this week. As for his man-purse, we went shopping during the week and I got him this:

Yes, it's LV. Yes, he's a brat. He's my brat, though, and he's worked very hard this year. He deserves something nice that he wants and will use. I just hope he feels the same on my birthday (wink, wink).

His birthday also happened to fall on Mother's Day. His whole family came up here for brunch at the 76 House (also on my top-5-steaks-ever list). The meal was very good and it was great to see everyone. The whole time I was missing my mom, though. The night before I sent her a cheesy e-card that made me completely hysterical. This is my first mother's day without her! I was so sad. I got to talk to her, though, and I got to see my grandma. She was all mad at my mom for not being around but she was also happy because Brian and I went to see her, and before that my Uncle George and grandpa went to see her. I gave her a pretty orchid (fake, of course, because of her breathing she can't have real flowers but it was a really, really nice fake one) and some chocolate. She loves her chocolate, she opened them and dug in while we were there still. Afterwards we went to see my grandpa and hung out with him for a few hours. It was nice day, I just wish my mom were around for it.

I talked to her last night, actually, and they said they might drive up for a few days to avoid the bad weather in Florida and deal with some financial things. I REALLY hope they do, but I'm not getting my hopes up. They tend to cancel plans as fast as they make them. If there's one thing I've learned about my parents over the years, it's to be flexible. At least with them. We'll see, though, hopefully they stick with this one because I miss them!

Borgata, Gwen and No Doubt, lilacs

This weekend was literally exactly what I needed. Atlantic City was fabulous. After stopping in central NJ at a rest-stop (or, affectionately known as, the land of blow-outs and Affliction/Ed Hardy gear) and gorging ourselves on fast food heaven (aka: Burger King), we arrived at our destination at around 7pm. We met up with our friends and checked out the suite, which was, for all intents and purposes, totally awesome. I got into my girls-night-out outfit and touched up my hair and makeup and was all ready to go. Christine, Nicole and I left the guys and went to the concert. We got there right in time to see the last song of the opening band. I don't know their name but the "cute" Hanson brother and James Iha from the Smashing Pumpkins are in it. They were "eh". We made our way to the front of the crowd, apparently general admission doesn't mean that to some people. We got into it with these girls by the front of the stage who were mad that they weren't the only ones there. Whatever. Anyway, the show. No Doubt played so many Tragic Kingdom songs! It was awesome. They did most of the best songs from the rest of their albums, too. Gwen looked and sounded like she did when I was in middle school! I can't believe this was their first show ever in 5 years. It was incredible. We sang and drank and danced the whole time. They went off the stage, then came back to do Rocksteady, Different People and then closed out the show with Sunday Morning. We stopped at the booth afterwards and bought t-shirts. I found this photo of the merch on some messageboard (of course I left my camera in the room, oh well!):


I got the middle shirt. It says Just a Girl down the side and has the whole band on the back. I love that it's checkerboard print, it brings me back to my ska days! Don't even get me started on that! Haha.

Well, while we were having a great time at the show, the boys were playing poker. I don't think anyone did too well. I didn't play poker (I'm a wuss about it) but the next morning I played a little roulette. If you get a good table it's a quick way to win some money. I walked away 15 minutes later up $70. Nice! At breakfast I found out that Gwen was partying at Mur.Mur after the show! We were all gonna go but we got tired pretty early. We went back to the room at like 1:45am and went to bed. Boring, I know, and we missed out on hanging with the band but whatever. There's always next time?? Maybe?

On the drive home I saw so many lilac trees! I LOVE lilacs. They remind me so much of my mom. When I was younger we used to drive around a lot. This time of year if we saw any lilacs growing on public-ish property, we would jump out of the car, steal some and drive away. When I lived in Brooklyn there was a huge lilac tree outside of my building (yes, trees really do grow in Brooklyn) so I would cut a few off every couple of weeks and my apartment would smell delicious (that's also how I found out that Brian's allergic to lilacs...oops). I'd bring some to my mom, too. I miss her a lot, I want to go find some lilacs and cut them in her honor. I talked to my dad yesterday and he said they should be home by Memorial Day, and that's only 2 1/2 weeks away. I can handle that. I just wish she were here for Mother's Day, I always love hanging out with her, going to see my grandma and just doing the whole mother-daughter thing.

Online Shopping Spree

I'm not much of an online shopper. I prefer to go to the store, look around, try things on, pay cash. I'm VERY hesitant to buy clothes online. I am convinced that I am shaped weird or something because things hardly EVER fit me. This week, however, I found so many things online that I love! With the way we've been working, we've had zero time to do anything. So, I bought myself a few things. Brian's birthday is coming up (the 10th) so I also bought him a few things, but I'm not posting them because he might read this.

I've been on a quest to find the perfect casual summery dress. I hope this one fits me because I love it! It's called the Blanca dress and it's made by Ella Moss. I love her!


Another Ella Moss shirt. This to me is my perfect "throw my messy curly hair on top of my head, put on some sunglasses and go on the boat" shirt! At least that's how I envisioned myself wearing it. Yeah, this embodies how I've been feeling lately. I just want to chill out, have fun and forget work. This is from Rogue Status, one of B's favorite brands.


I love Marc Jacobs' splashes! Ever year he comes out with a new set of scents that are clean and natural, perfect for the summer. Last year I bought the Pear one, which I wear practically every day and I'm not even half way finished with the bottle. I was shopping last week and sprayed some of the new Cucumber one on me and fell in love with it. I ordered it from Sephora.

I am in desperate need of a new makeup bag. I hate to get rid of the one I have (it's Tenorikuma from Sanrio, I love it!) but it got pretty dirty from sitting at the bottom of my bags. So I got a silver metallic one from Sephora. It's so hard to find one that's the perfect size! I have this one Stila eyeshadow pallet that's just oddly shaped and doesn't fit in most, so hopefully this one is good.

I'm a member of this sample sale website, Gilt (it's invitation only, if you want an invitation leave me a comment with your email address) and they had a Voluspa sale this week. I got a set of 4 of this cute ceramic jar candles for $32, normally they're $64!

One more Ella Moss shirt. I love this style and I love green!

Work, Monster Coffee & Atlantic City

So here I am on day 13 in a row of work. I didn't really think it would affect me so much but, let me tell you, I'm f'ing exhausted. Seriously, I've been falling asleep on the couch like every night this week. Sean came over on Thursday and both me and Bri fell asleep! Such boring friends. The store looks good, though, and it was completely worth it. I just won't be doing it again any time soon.

Besides being completely tired physically, work has been so emotionally draining. It picked back up at the beginning of the week, then slowed down in the middle, now it's sort of in between slow and busy. It's so unpredictable! Then, yesterday, one of the worst days ever. One of our competitors stole an entire shipment of ours, that I need for a really big special order today. I called the guy and tried to be a human, I told him I need the products and I'm sending someone up there to pick them up. He told me rented a van and drove them to Pennsylvania (BS), lied to me, then told me that he's busy and doesn't have time for this. I've never met a worse person in all of my life. All the people involved, my distributor, the manufacturers, the trucking company...they're all fuming mad at this guy. Hopefully it will negatively affect their business relationship. My distributor already told him that she won't ship to their NY location anymore (they have multiple stores). I asked my dad's advice and he said I should call our lawyer and see if there are any actual legal ramifications. The only thing that could make this sort of better is if the guys don't show up today to pick up.

Besides that, work has been good. It's been slow this morning. Brian went to the best bagel place in the world to get me a plain bagel with olive cream cheese and a monster iced coffee. It comes in a quart take-out container. This is me last Sunday, completely messy and exhausted before work with my biggest coffee ever:

Only 3 and half more hours then we're leaving for AC! I'm so ridiculously excited! I can't wait to see No Doubt, go shopping, eat at an awesome restaurant (we're thinking Bobby Flay's) and go out to a club. Christine texted me yesterday to tell me the club dress code is pretty strict. B is a t-shirt, hoodies, jeans, hat type of guy, so we had to go to the mall and cop him some club clothes. He was gonna try to get away with dark jeans and Timbs but Brendan tried doing that last time and it didn't work. So we made a long stop at the Polo Ralph Lauren section (like he needs more polos...all of his are in the laundry, though), I watched him try on (and vetoed) ugly Wallabees (they're not all ugly, just the ones he wanted) and got some cheap Old Navy "pants" (and I made him get some cute bathing suits, too). It's actually crazy that Brian doesn't own any "pants," except for the ones that are part of his suit. Yes, singular suit. Oh and the shoes he's wearing are his "funeral shoes". He has one pair of non-sneakers/non-Timbs, and he wears them to funerals, weddings (except for when he wears his Supreme Nike Blazers, like he did to Eleni's wedding) and Sweet 16's (yes, we still go to Sweet 16's...he has like 34923048 cousins). Everything is good, though and we're all ready to leave. Just a couple more hours of work and we're gone!