Does this mean I'm a Gleek?

Ok, let me start off by saying that I'm not a fan of Glee. Bri and I watched it once to see what it was all about, actually we only made it through about 15 minutes, and were left completely confused. Is it a sitcom or a musical? Is it supposed to be serious or funny? I have no idea. I don't get it.

Sephora and O.P.I. did a good job with these nail polishes, though. I don't really know what they have to do with Glee but whatever. I like them.

"I Miss Blogging" somehow became "So I'm Planning my Wedding..."

I can't believe I haven't blogged since September! Tisk tisk, self. I need this. I have to release everything going on "up there" into print and then read it over and over and obsess over it. Otherwise the past is a total blur and I have no documentation of where I have been and how far I've come.

Anyway, so much is going on! What most people have been asking about lately is how my wedding planning is going, which is weird, but good, because I've had to talk about it so much and it's actually making me more excited. I guess the most notable update is that I'm now planning my wedding sans full-service wedding planner. Which is insane because when I go back and read this post I can't even believe it turned out like this. I don't even know where to start with that story. I guess I shouldn't have mentioned this first, since now I'm going to go on a total wedding rant, but whatever.

I don't even know where to start with this story. She started not being as amazing and proficient as she claimed to be almost immediately. She wouldn't be in touch for weeks (almost full months) at a time, she would take weeks to write back to emails (and sometimes would only write back after I emailed again saying, "Hey, yeah, so, I emailed you over a week ago..."), so I started getting stressed about that. Oh, and that monthly to-do list that I was so excited about? Never received even one! I got more stressed when I went to buy my dress and everyone who helped me kept saying that I needed to find a venue really soon. Then four months had passed and we still hadn't gone to look at a single venue. When she finally made appointments for us I had to look at venues on my own because she was busy/sick/etc. (not part of the contract). When I went to one venue, they had canceled my appointment with her and she had never told me. That was really awkward because I was literally walking through a FUBU photoshoot to check out the space. The girl showing me the place and I both had no idea that FUBU was even a brand anymore, but they are, and it happened.

That night I emailed my planner to tell her I fell in love with a space and we wanted to book it. She started the email with, and I quote, "We have a bit of a miscommunication I need to clear up:" and went on to tell me that on the date of my wedding, the date that she was sending me on venue appointments regarding, the date that we had been discussing since August, she was planning another wedding that had been booked before she even met me. My head pretty much exploded. She offered me her assistant, who I didn't even know existed, and when I declined she said, and I quote again, "I wish you much luck in your wedding planning." AND. She refused to give me my 50% deposit back. Livid doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. I still don't even have the words for how I much I despise her. I've calmed down since then (this was at the end of November), though, and realized that court is there for just this reason.

It was honestly a blessing in disguise because now I'm working with two girls who are AWESOME. I ended up contacting the venue that I loved on my own and booking it anyway. The woman who runs the space (it's called Smack Mellon) put me in touch with them. Anna and Elizabeth from Just About Married are like fairy god-planners. They are so much like us! They only offer day-of planning so I have to be way more hands on, but I'm loving it. They have referred me to so many great vendors (and great people!) so far. Yesterday we went for our tasting at Three Brothers Butcher BBQ, which doesn't sound like a classy wedding caterer, but they are! They're catering company is called CaraLeo Catering and they are incredible. I can't even believe the meal I had yesterday. I'm literally still full. The menu and the way they cook is all that we wanted and more. We didn't want fancy small plates with puff pastries and pate or anything like that, just simple, good food that has a definite Italian style. I can't wait to see their proposal, I would LOVE to have them as our caterers. We brought some of their BBQ stuff (wings and ribs) to our friends' football party afterward and everyone said that they're so stoked for our wedding. Nice! Anddddd I just made an appointment today for a wedding cake tasting! Look at me, I can work 6 days a week AND plan a wedding. I'm a:


So, now we have the date, the venue, hopefully the caterer, hopefully the cake, I have my dress, things are falling into place and it's good.

This was supposed to be a life post, not a wedding post. I don't want to become one of "thoooose people" who only talk about their weddings. WELL, people who post pictures of their babies all over facebook ARE worse, but still...don't want to even be comparable. I promise to space out the wedding updates from now on so it doesn't get gross.

Yoga, peace and a stress-free life? Impossible?

For my New Year's resolution I had promised myself less stress. My first step was to find a yoga class that I liked and make sure to go. I went three times. I made so many excuses as to why I couldn't go, "This week I NEED to work late," or "I NEED to eat NOW, I can't go home and eat after yoga," or "My yoga pants are dirty, I have nothing to wear." So, needless to say, I got stressed. A lot. I still do. Every time I get their email newsletter I feel so guilty. Today's had a list, "Way of the Divine":

* Tolerate other peoples' weaknesses
* Give others enough time to change
* Rejoice with others and share one soul
* Soften your anger and help people change
* Do not Punish others or take revenge
* Do not allow Positive Actions to be cancelled out by negative actions
* Stand by Others even though they brought their suffering on themselves
* Do the Right Thing
* Go Beyond what others deserve
* Find a Small Place in your heart even for someone who does evil
* Focus on where a person came from and have compassion

Reading this makes me feel guilty. I don't know if there's a single thing on there I do. Over the past few years I've become so intolerant of people. In fact, I find myself often saying, "UGH I HATE EVERYONE!" I come to very harsh conclusions about them very quickly, I get joy out of people "getting what they deserve," if they're wrong/stupid/ignorant I automatically dislike them. It's sad. I used to be such a positive person, I used to love everyone. Don't get me wrong, the people I love I am ridiculously loyal to, I love them, I go out of my way for them, I want nothing more than for them to be happy and healthy and will do anything in my power to make sure they are. I feel that type of treatment should be earned, though.

After being treated badly by people I had once called my friends, on a few different occasions, my standards for people have definitely gone up. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It protects me from getting hurt, but it also has made me a little bitter and jaded. I spend so much time being angry that I don't let myself be happy enough. Hence the stress. I want to be posi!

Not Waving but Drowning

Every so often life becomes too much. Murphy's Law kicks in and everything that can possibly go wrong actually does. Things start piling up and it's all I can do to keep my head above water. In the past few weeks:

- Our register at work broke, but we turned it into a positive situation and took the opportunity to upgrade to a Point of Sale system. Which means I've spent the last week squinting at spreadsheets, inputting products/brands/suppliers/UPC's by hand, making mock-invoice after mock-invoice trying to get used to being a member of the 21st century. Brian calls me Grandma.

- Our favorite (and only) employee Dre had to go back to school in PA so we've lost him until he comes back in December for break. He also happens to be a good friend of ours so it's sad x2. Brian's dad is working with us again so there is the silver lining. I like working with him and it's great to see him all the time. He mainly works at the warehouse, though, and the store definitely suffers with only two people working there.

- The wall that's unstable in our warehouse is getting repaired, which means workers in our way for the next week or so and the door not being able to be used.

- The day that wall started being fixed, someone knocked down, as in, destroyed, a DIFFERENT wall (holding up the only good doorway we were able to use). With our forklift. And we don't know who did it. And we're being held responsible anyway. And my dad's decided to get involved. And now it's REALLY hard to receive/transfer orders since we can't get in/out of the warehouse easily. Fun for everyone.

- Our chinchilla Sammy got sick and passed away due to a kidney problem that he was born with that just started showing itself out of nowhere. It was pretty quick and terribly sad and I still don't know if I've fully allowed myself to deal with it yet.

- The fire inspector gave us a list of things at work that he wanted us to change for this years inspection. We've been spending the past two weeks moving stuff around and putting up shelving (1. Stop using furnace closet for storage), getting an electrician to fix/put in new lighting fixtures (2. Remove all clip-lights), getting Dre's brother to build some sort of holder for CO2 tanks (3. All compressed gas cylinders must be chained/stored properly). They're reasonable requests I guess, except the furnace is OFF being that's it's been 88+ degrees for the past 2 months and we remove the boxes when we turn it on because we have common sense. And our clip-lights are not a fire hazard because we have them secured properly and nothing flammable is around them because we have common sense. The CO2 thing I can't argue about, though.

- I am so backed up on writing checks and dealing with my paperwork it's not even funny.

- Someone hit my car with their door in a parking lot and did serious damage. This is only two months after getting it fixed when someone hit it with what looked like a baseball. Silver lining: when they fixed my bumper they didn't attach it properly so this is killing two birds with one stone. I am without a car for the next few days though and I have so many errands to take care of.

- We upgraded our credit card terminal and switched our processing to our local bank. Which required me to learn new technology, set stuff up and talk to customer service people on the phone. My own personal hell so even though I said I'd call on Monday I've been avoiding it like the plague.

- Today I decided to get my work bag caught in my front door which led to it shutting on my heel and taking about 3820342 layers of skin off. I left a blood trail from my door to my bathroom and almost fainted from the pain. Definitely worst injury I've gotten in a very long time.

- We've been working on finding a venue for the wedding, which is exhausting and stressful. We've been trying to get back to our planner in a timely fashion just to get things out of the way but it's so hard when you have a thousand things going on. At 11:30 tonight we finished up looking at a list that she gave us, checking out each place and given them a quick critique. Sounds easy but with my work papers strewn all over the table, knowing that I should REALLY be dealing with them, it's kind of hard to focus on whether or not this studio is TOO studio-like or if this terrace will be large enough for a ceremony.

Feeling the way I feel right now I'd REALLY love to make some yoga time, which is laughable because you can't make something that doesn't exist at the moment. I wish I were a Hindu goddess with 10 arms, then maybe I could get all of my things done.

New Favorite Song (& video)

2 of my favorite female musicians on the same track? Yes please. Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. - Teqkilla remix. Download here: http://neetrecordings.com/blog/



Plus Kid Sis came out with a new video for Big N Bad:

Wedding Planning

In less than one year I will be getting married. I don't think that has really set in yet. I watched a few episodes of that Kleinfeld show Say Yes to the Dress and all the brides are all bubbling over with emotion. They go off on these romantic tears about how absolutely lucky they feel to be spending the rest of their life with their fiance and how their wedding is going to be the best day of their life. Is it wrong that I don't feel as excited? Don't get me wrong, I do feel that way about Brian, I just don't gush about it the way those girls do. I keep thinking of the wedding as one big party that will just finalize everything. We both knew that this was going to be the obvious next step in our relationship so it was just a matter of "when?".

I've been trying to get ideas for dresses and colors and stuff but I figure I'll wait until we get a venue so I can plan around that and visualize it all put together. To help with everything we decided to hire a wedding planner because 1. The thought of doing all of that by myself made me ridiculously anxious, 2. I attempted to find a venue on my own, called 1 place in 2 weeks and felt totally defeated after finding out about their 150 person minimum (we have like 65 guests so far) and 3. I work 6 days a week and honestly just don't have the time.

Her name is Lisa Anderson Green and so far I love her. I'll be honest, the first thing that stood out to me was the French Bulldog on her main page. Is that wrong? We set up a consultation and we all just clicked. She gets us and is everything I'm not: organized, regimented, experienced at wedding planning. Perfect. At the beginning of each month she's going to email me with what we need to accomplish and then we need to get it done. I love deadlines because I procrastinate unless I have them. Working with her is going to make everything perfect, I'm sure (especially since I don't know what "perfect" should be, and she probably does). She also has a blog that gives great planning/hiring pointers.

We have a new meeting scheduled for Tuesday (yes, she makes me schedule things...so organized) and I can't wait to get started.

Thine ever, or never.

When I was 16, my dad gave me my own copy of The Select Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson. I say, "my own" because from the day I discovered it I would always steal his copy (I actually still have his, despite having my own, on my bookshelf). I feel like everything I've ever needed to know in life I could learn, whether by literal interpretation or inference, from Emerson's writings.

Lately I've been feeling a little lost. Not terribly, not "winter"-lost, not quarter-life-crisis lost, just like I'm searching for SOMETHING. Some sort of answer to a question I haven't asked yet. I'm not sure I've ever felt this way before. Usually I know what's wrong. Even if nothing is actually "wrong," I can usually figure out what's causing me to feel that way. When I can't, I do some soul searching. Emerson is definitely a worst case scenario. I haven't found my answer yet, but I stumbled upon another answer in the mean time.

I've been getting emails and text messages from a friend of mine lately. I shouldn't say "friend," as-in: current...more like a once-upon-a-time friend. Long story short (sort of): we were friends, she and her bf rescued a dog that was being abused but the new dog didn't get along with the dog they already had, Bri and I wanted to help by keeping the new dog but our landlord wouldn't allow it, they were having problems in their relationship (the dog was coming between them) and placed the blame on us, stopped calling us, started avoiding us, she and I emailed back and forth which pretty much ended with her more or less saying, "I can't separate our friendship from the dog situation so I can't talk to you anymore." I know that sounds pretty nuts, but it's true. I took the whole thing pretty hard, being that she was the first friend I let into my life in awhile. I totally let my guard down and she turned out to be a mistake. Our last conversation was in March of last year.

The recent emails caught me totally off-guard. She missed me and didn't know where we stood and just wanted to touch base. I told her very honestly how I felt, that she hurt me by ending our friendship over a DOG that was never my responsibility but who I still helped with, that I thought it was pretty ridiculous and I wasn't about to set myself up to be hurt like that again. She wrote back with some nutty things, making up lies ABOUT me, TO me. Things that I supposedly did or said to her that never actually happened. This whole thing took a lot out of me because up until maybe two months ago I was saying to Brian, "I still can't believe what happened with them...how crazy was that?" It still bothered me because up until the "break-up" point, I considered them to be great friends. Part of me wanted to be like, "Sure, all is forgiven, let's be friends again!" but then logic kicked in and said, "You've already seen how she reacts to stressful situations, you don't want to be on the receiving end of that again."

The whole process of meeting new people, opening up to new people, spending the time and energy feeling them out, learning them and deciding where you want things to go, eventually TRUSTING new people...it's so difficult for me. By nature I'm a private person, always have been. Take that, and the fact that I've had a whole lot of what I though to be great, unbreakable friendships turn bad out of nowhere, and you've got someone who is convinced that they don't need friends. There's always that nagging feeling that I might WANT friends, though, despite all the bad experiences I've had.

From Emerson's "Friendship" essay:

"Thus every man passes his life in the search after friendship, and if he should record his true sentiment, he might write a letter like this to each new candidate for his love: ---

Dear Friend,
If I was sure of thee, sure of thy capacity, sure to match my mood with thine, I should never think again of trifles in relation to thy comings and goings. I am not very wise; my moods are quite attainable, and I respect thy genius; it is to me as yet unfathomed; yet dare I not presume in thee a perfect intelligence of me, and so thou art to me a delicious torment. Thine ever, or never."