Motivate me.

Last night I was in such an emotional mood. We ended up staying at work an hour and a half later than we should have because customers came in at the last minute. On Friday night. I love that. Can you hear my sarcasm? Anyway, by the time we left I was tired and achy from working all week. I knew I had a ridiculously messy apartment to come home to, that I should've cleaned all week but flaked on, and I was hungry. I was SO cranky. Brian and I wanted to go out to a fancy dinner, we had been planning it all week, but both of us weren't feeling it at all. I came home and immediately started cleaning like a mad-woman, to the point of total exhaustion. Brian came into the bedroom as I was sorting laundry and said, "Lynda says "You need to eat." Lynda is my mom. Who always would remind me to eat when I was in a bad mood because she knew me enough to know that a good meal would solve all of my problems. Who I haven't seen since the beginning of January and before that hadn't seen since the beginning of October. Who I haven't spoken with for over a week, which is a really long time for us. I started bawling. It was definitely one of those "overwhelmed girl" moments. Brian went out and got us food, which was delicious and exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately the emotional stuff didn't stop, I was watching TV and crying at all the sad parts, which wouldn't have been sad under normal circumstances. It's not "that time of the month" or anything, I guess I just needed a good cry (or seven).

Lately I've been missing my parents like crazy. I shouldn't say lately, because honestly I've missed them like this since they left in October for their trip. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing grown-up, like this is just a game and as soon as they get back it will end. It won't, though. I need to come to terms with the fact that this is the beginning of the rest of my life. This is where I'm going to work, this what I'm going to do, Brian is the person I'm going to spend it with, this is the area I'm going to be living in. It's a very finite feeling. I'm ok with it, though. I don't feel stuck or anything, which is weird because if this were a year or two ago I definitely would have. I'd be feeling like my life is over, this is it, I don't have anything else to look forward to. But it's not scary anymore. It's just new still and I need to get used to it.

Working six days a week is definitely taking its toll on me. I need more time. I miss having my flexible weekday off. That was so great. When most of the world was at work I could get all of my chores done. It was a day that I could have to myself, to do whatever I wanted. I could catch up on sleep, clean the house, go food shopping, go to the city, read a book, do ANYTHING. I miss that so much. I still have Sunday off but a lot of the time it's filled with chores and/or familial obligations. I don't get much "Me Time." To be honest I don't even feel like I need "Me Time" too much anymore, more like time period. I'm never going to get around having to work on Saturdays so I'm just going to have to balance the time I do have better. I've always been terrible at that. If I'm ever going to get better at it now is the time to do that.

This is a playlist that always seems to motivate me and put me in better spirits as far as working and living is concerned:

It's missing one of my favorite songs that always cheers me up: