Days & Nights

Honeymoon, Day 2.

2011-06-15T18:53:00.002-04:00

Woke up at 9:15am to a full breakfast set up on our porch. Fruit salad, assortment of French pastries, a plate of brie slices, jams (mango-lime, chocolate-coconut!) and coffee. I could seriously get used to this. Ate outside looking at the ridiculous view of the ocean and trees, completely surreal. After breakfast we went swimming in our private pool. I realized that I love pools as long as they're fresh water and I have a raft to lay on. We swam for what seemed like forever and then realized that it was only 11:00am. Time definitely slows down in the islands. Showered and got ready, picked up our rental car at reception (a Mini Cooper convertible) and made our way to St. Jean. Ok, so the roads on St. Barts are TINY. So narrow. And winding! If I could compare them to anything I'd say that it's like driving on the Pacific Coast Highway, only half the width, more hairpin turns and a lot steeper, with a speed limit of 30 km per hour (18.6 mph) but most people want to go double that. I realized halfway to St. Jean that I must have gotten a lot more sun than I had thought (I put on spf 8 tanning oil, I usually wear no more than spf 4 at home, if anything) because my arms felt like they were on fire with the top down.

Got to St. Jeans, had lunch at Nikki Beach. I ordered the Seaweed Salad and Tuna Tartar, Brian got the Mozzarella, Tomato and Proscuitto Salad and the Lobster and Crab Spring Rolls. Everything was surprisingly good since I thought Nikki Beach was a cool, trendy place but figured the restaurant was subpar. Definitely noteworthy! I ordered the sorbet trio (also figured out on this trip that when it's hot outside, I love sorbet!) and Bri ordered the Caramel Ice Cream with Nutella and Banana...he loved it. Waitress gave us a whole bottle of Sex on the Beach, on her! So nice! Love Nikki Beach!

Something interesting I realized about St. Jean: even though nudity is outlawed in St. Barts, and Saline Beach is supposed to be the only beach where nudity is accepted, the European tourists in St. Jean don't seem to know that. I saw SO MANY BOOBS. Most of which I (as well as probably everyone else there) never want to think about ever again. I don't want to sound like a prude American or anything but really, I don't need to see fat old women topless while I eat my lunch. No thanks.

After lunch we drove around the island (SO SCARY) and made our way back to the hotel. Made dinner reservations at Do Brazil and hung around the hotel looking up fun things to do while here. Mapped out our route to Do Brazil (it is in Gustavia on the opposite side of the island) and left for dinner. This was my first time driving on the island at night. It was absolutely terrifying. I am a New York driver so I'm used to crazy cabs, narrowly avoiding accidents and psychopathic drivers, but NONE of those things prepared me for driving at night on St. Barts. First of all, there are barely any street lights or road signs. There are road closures, street repairs, and ditches everywhere, hardly any guardrails on steep turns. At one point we came around a blind curve and practically ran into a gathering of locals who were hanging on the side of the road, then saw a few of them on scooters coming up on us about a mile down the road. I was convinced they were going to jack us for our rental car but Brian insisted it was a pretty safe island. Still, I didn't take his word for it. Insane. Had a huge panic attack but eventually made it to dinner. Do Brazil is right on Shell Beach and is very pretty. Most dining in St. Barts is outside so we sat on the patio overlooking the beach. We were brought hummus Amuses-Bouche (they love that here!) and drinks, I ordered the Prix Fix menu: an asparagus shooter (which I never received), grilled eggplant and other mixed vegetables, scallops with hazelnut risotta as the entree and grilled pineapple and vanilla bean ice cream (glace) for dessert. Brian ordered the plantain and prawn tempura with spicy chili sauce, and some sort of fish burger that he said was "delicious. It was crazy." He ordered this dessert, oh my god, strawberry ice cream sandwiched in a giant macaron, which he said he ordered with me in mind. Aww. Speaking of macarons, I'm really surprised I haven't had any since arriving. There is plenty of time left...

All dinner I was very anxious about driving back to the hotel...seriously, I can't stress enough how terrifying it is to drive on St. Barts, but we made it home in one piece. Again we were so tired that we went to bed by 11pm.

Wedding down, Honeymoon to go. Day 1.

2011-06-14T19:07:00.006-04:00

Our wedding was this past Saturday, June 11th, and was literally the best day of my life. It went without a flaw (I had read an article that at least 3 things would go wrong and to just expect it...), everything was beautiful and everyone had a great time. Success! More on that at a later date.

I had meant to buy a travel journal before our honeymoon but with all the chaos of planning a wedding, I completely forgot. I will be keeping track of the day to day events here so I can write them down later. We left first thing Sunday morning for our honeymoon to St. Barts. After having a few drinks Saturday night I was kind of a zombie the next morning and I still had to pack. I made the car service sit outside my apt. for 20 minutes while I scrambled around but thankfully didn't forget anything important. Got anxiety on the plane (nothing new) so I took a Xanax for the first time in like 8 years (I learned how to deal with my anxiety on my own but certain situations, plane rides being one of them, take me to that next level where I can't even handle it) and it helped tremendously. I calmed down enough to stop freaking out and finally fell asleep, waking up in St. Maarten. We transferred to a puddle-jumper (minor baggage transfer issue but it worked out) and were in St. Barts 15 minutes later.

This is our first time here and it's very exciting! David from our hotel picked us up at the airport and gave us some important island info on the way back to our hotel. We're staying at Hotel Le Toiny, which is absolutely gorgeous. It's not on the beach but we have our own pool right outside of our door on the porch and insane views of the hills and ocean. They had champagne, fruit and coconut cake waiting for us when we got to our room which was perfect, it gave us a chance to sit and chill and just take it all in. We unpacked, then got ready for dinner at the hotel's restaurant, Le Gaiac, which is supposedly one of the best restaurants on St. Barts. In NY, French food is definitely not our go-to when it comes to choosing restaurants, but when in St. Barts...

This trip has definitely opened our eyes because the food here is DELICIOUS. We had an amuse-bouche of tomato gazpacho in a shot glass with a straw and some sort of gelee on a cracker. Very good. For an appetizer I ordered the Mahi Mahi ceviche which I'd never had before...so good, I shared with Brian and we devoured it. He got the crab meat and avocado which was served over some sort of tomato, also delicious. They gave us a passion fruit ice in between which I really wish was on the dessert menu because I would have ordered it. As an entree I ordered the carrot ravioli with ginger, Brian ordered a whole local lobster that they had freshly caught. Both were amazing, we were in awe of how good the food was. For dessert we ordered the sorbet quartet and the ice cream quartet. I had the most unusual and incredible sorbet...pineapple and basil. I could eat this all day, every day. The bill came, our first of the trip, and all I can say that the dollar-to-euro exchange rate is not friendly to Americans! Oh well, we only get one honeymoon!

We went back to the hotel and were so surprised to see that they turned down our bed while we were at dinner. Definitely a 5-star hotel, I've never had that kind of service anywhere. We were so exhausted from the wedding, our traveling and suffering from a slight food coma due to dinner that we went straight to bed. At 10:30pm. Unheard of for us!

Vera = love!

2011-05-04T17:31:00.004-04:00

Ok so I know I'm getting married in a little more than a month. And I have the most perfect wedding dress that I love. If none of that were true, however, I would be going crazy trying to find this dress! I am so in love with it! I always thought I wanted a white dress but this is the first non-white dress that I've seriously lost it over. I am in love with the shape of it...the fitted bodice with the asymmetrical neckline and the flowy, goddess-like bottom. Ugh, this is the first dress that I like as much as, if not more than, the dress I currently have. Why do I have to read bridal blogs??

Vera Wang Spring/Summer 2012.

Requisite "Stuff I NEED for the summer" post!

2011-04-23T17:24:00.006-04:00

I love the summer. LOVE. And what's not to love? Sun, tan skin that's blemish-free thanks to the sun, warm weekends spent in the park or just walking around enjoying being OUTSIDE, free-flowing clothes that don't make you feel like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (or the tire guy from the Michelin commercials), gardening (and if you don't garden, enjoying all the fresh produce that the warm weather allows us to have locally), the beach and running around in the waves, I can go on and on! It is my favorite season and unfortunately the shitty New York climate shortens it to a mere 3 months. I also love my city, though, so I will take what I can get (and when all else fails, I can take a mid-winter breather in South Beach and justify it by claiming it's solely to visit my parents). Every year I get so excited for the roll out of summer clothing and accessories because it's how I wish I could dress all year long! Here aresomethings that I HAVE TO have (or, in some cases, things I've already bought!):

Wave Break dress, Free People, $98

Bought this in grey. I want to wear it as a dress, not just as a cover-up, but I'm still trying to figure out the bra situation.

Beaded Geometry Bag, Anthropologie, $228

LOVE. Why is this back-ordered until 5/16!?

Jayde Boyfriend Shorts, True Religion, $176

Everyone needs a good pair of cut-offs! Not necessarily these but I like the length.

Tye Dye to the Max dress, Free People, $168

I have been obsessed with this dress since I first saw it, unfortunately I am 5'2" and I don't think the material is that hem-able.

Haleigh dress, Dolce Vita, $242

So, I guess I have a hippy/Mexican/tribal pattern theme going here. Whatever! Wish this weren't $242.

Nyle sandals, DV by Dolce Vita, $68

Fun beaded flat sandals.

Dipped Shrunken Sweatshirt, WILT, $127

I love light-weight comfy sweatshirts for cool summer nights.

Slinky Yarn Mott Street Pullover, LA Made, $92

More comfy-ness.

Virgo Dress, LA Made, $79

Effortless, throw-it-on-and-go dress. I like that it's racerback, too.

Fernanda Wedge, Juicy Couture, $150

So I don't like Juicy usually at all, but these are really cute. I love espadrilles and I like the black and natural colors woven together, it's a little different.

Horoscope Tote Bag, M Missoni, $29

Fun tote bag for the beach, plus it rolls up small so it can fit in your regular bag.

My life.

2011-04-20T12:21:00.002-04:00

Complete with pizza & pikachu, this is the story of my life.

I want to be the girl with the most cake.

2011-03-05T00:02:00.004-05:00

A couple of weeks ago we had our cake tasting for our wedding cake. To be honest, I was looking forward to this more than any other pre-wedding happening. I had contacted Betsy from Nine Cakes because 1. she works mainly with buttercream frosting, and 2., because her cakes look like this:

So we had been emailing about cake flavors and icing flavors, we were going to be tasting some hazelnut frosting, some green tea frosting, mocha frosting, peanut butter frosting, almond cake, chocolate cake...god I can't even type all of this without getting insanely hungry. Basically, I imagined that she would be putting heaven on plates and serving it to us. Which, luckily, is exactly what she did. It was insane. She even threw in a surprise flavor, caramel buttercream with sea salt, which sounds weird but was the most perfect combination of salty&sweet I've ever had. That with the almond cake was my favorite, by far. Brian of course loved the chocolate cake with peanut butter buttercream, which we all knew would be his favorite before we even tried it. I almost wish it weren't such an easy decision so we would've had to eat more and more cake before we could figure it out.

So, the cake part is done. Each "vendor" (look at me, I'm so official now, I know all the wedding terminology) we get squared away reduces my stress levels by, like, a lot. We're meeting with, who will hopefully be, our photographer next weekend. I have more florists to call since the one I had been waiting to hear back from is "not available" (which I think is her polite way of saying she doesn't want to work with us, I do know exactly what flowers I want so I think I might have smothered her artistic creativity a little). So after that I guess it leaves the DJ/band and ummm I think that's it? Oh and an officiant (another fancy wedding term...look at me). I just remembered today that we need to get our marriage license, too.

New Favorite Song

2011-03-04T23:59:00.003-05:00

I don't know how I slept on this song, but "I Love U So" by Cassius is so good!

Does this mean I'm a Gleek?

2011-02-05T13:25:00.002-05:00

Ok, let me start off by saying that I'm not a fan of Glee. Bri and I watched it once to see what it was all about, actually we only made it through about 15 minutes, and were left completely confused. Is it a sitcom or a musical? Is it supposed to be serious or funny? I have no idea. I don't get it.

Sephora and O.P.I. did a good job with these nail polishes, though. I don't really know what they have to do with Glee but whatever. I like them.

"I Miss Blogging" somehow became "So I'm Planning my Wedding..."

2011-01-24T22:00:00.006-05:00

I can't believe I haven't blogged since September! Tisk tisk, self. I need this. I have to release everything going on "up there" into print and then read it over and over and obsess over it. Otherwise the past is a total blur and I have no documentation of where I have been and how far I've come.

Anyway, so much is going on! What most people have been asking about lately is how my wedding planning is going, which is weird, but good, because I've had to talk about it so much and it's actually making me more excited. I guess the most notable update is that I'm now planning my wedding sans full-service wedding planner. Which is insane because when I go back and read this post I can't even believe it turned out like this. I don't even know where to start with that story. I guess I shouldn't have mentioned this first, since now I'm going to go on a total wedding rant, but whatever.

I don't even know where to start with this story. She started not being as amazing and proficient as she claimed to be almost immediately. She wouldn't be in touch for weeks (almost full months) at a time, she would take weeks to write back to emails (and sometimes would only write back after I emailed again saying, "Hey, yeah, so, I emailed you over a week ago..."), so I started getting stressed about that. Oh, and that monthly to-do list that I was so excited about? Never received even one! I got more stressed when I went to buy my dress and everyone who helped me kept saying that I needed to find a venue really soon. Then four months had passed and we still hadn't gone to look at a single venue. When she finally made appointments for us I had to look at venues on my own because she was busy/sick/etc. (not part of the contract). When I went to one venue, they had canceled my appointment with her and she had never told me. That was really awkward because I was literally walking through a FUBU photoshoot to check out the space. The girl showing me the place and I both had no idea that FUBU was even a brand anymore, but they are, and it happened.

That night I emailed my planner to tell her I fell in love with a space and we wanted to book it. She started the email with, and I quote, "We have a bit of a miscommunication I need to clear up:" and went on to tell me that on the date of my wedding, the date that she was sending me on venue appointments regarding, the date that we had been discussing since August, she was planning another wedding that had been booked before she even met me. My head pretty much exploded. She offered me her assistant, who I didn't even know existed, and when I declined she said, and I quote again, "I wish you much luck in your wedding planning." AND. She refused to give me my 50% deposit back. Livid doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. I still don't even have the words for how I much I despise her. I've calmed down since then (this was at the end of November), though, and realized that court is there for just this reason.

It was honestly a blessing in disguise because now I'm working with two girls who are AWESOME. I ended up contacting the venue that I loved on my own and booking it anyway. The woman who runs the space (it's called Smack Mellon) put me in touch with them. Anna and Elizabeth from Just About Married are like fairy god-planners. They are so much like us! They only offer day-of planning so I have to be way more hands on, but I'm loving it. They have referred me to so many great vendors (and great people!) so far. Yesterday we went for our tasting at Three Brothers Butcher BBQ, which doesn't sound like a classy wedding caterer, but they are! They're catering company is called CaraLeo Catering and they are incredible. I can't even believe the meal I had yesterday. I'm literally still full. The menu and the way they cook is all that we wanted and more. We didn't want fancy small plates with puff pastries and pate or anything like that, just simple, good food that has a definite Italian style. I can't wait to see their proposal, I would LOVE to have them as our caterers. We brought some of their BBQ stuff (wings and ribs) to our friends' football party afterward and everyone said that they're so stoked for our wedding. Nice! Anddddd I just made an appointment today for a wedding cake tasting! Look at me, I can work 6 days a week AND plan a wedding. I'm a:

So, now we have the date, the venue, hopefully the caterer, hopefully the cake, I have my dress, things are falling into place and it's good.

This was supposed to be a life post, not a wedding post. I don't want to become one of "thoooose people" who only talk about their weddings. WELL, people who post pictures of their babies all over facebook ARE worse, but still...don't want to even be comparable. I promise to space out the wedding updates from now on so it doesn't get gross.

Yoga, peace and a stress-free life? Impossible?

2010-09-29T16:17:00.004-04:00

For my New Year's resolution I had promised myself less stress. My first step was to find a yoga class that I liked and make sure to go. I went three times. I made so many excuses as to why I couldn't go, "This week I NEED to work late," or "I NEED to eat NOW, I can't go home and eat after yoga," or "My yoga pants are dirty, I have nothing to wear." So, needless to say, I got stressed. A lot. I still do. Every time I get their email newsletter I feel so guilty. Today's had a list, "Way of the Divine":

* Tolerate other peoples' weaknesses
* Give others enough time to change
* Rejoice with others and share one soul
* Soften your anger and help people change
* Do not Punish others or take revenge
* Do not allow Positive Actions to be cancelled out by negative actions
* Stand by Others even though they brought their suffering on themselves
* Do the Right Thing
* Go Beyond what others deserve
* Find a Small Place in your heart even for someone who does evil
* Focus on where a person came from and have compassion

Reading this makes me feel guilty. I don't know if there's a single thing on there I do. Over the past few years I've become so intolerant of people. In fact, I find myself often saying, "UGH I HATE EVERYONE!" I come to very harsh conclusions about them very quickly, I get joy out of people "getting what they deserve," if they're wrong/stupid/ignorant I automatically dislike them. It's sad. I used to be such a positive person, I used to love everyone. Don't get me wrong, the people I love I am ridiculously loyal to, I love them, I go out of my way for them, I want nothing more than for them to be happy and healthy and will do anything in my power to make sure they are. I feel that type of treatment should be earned, though.

After being treated badly by people I had once called my friends, on a few different occasions, my standards for people have definitely gone up. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It protects me from getting hurt, but it also has made me a little bitter and jaded. I spend so much time being angry that I don't let myself be happy enough. Hence the stress. I want to be posi!

Not Waving but Drowning

2010-08-13T00:05:00.004-04:00

Every so often life becomes too much. Murphy's Law kicks in and everything that can possibly go wrong actually does. Things start piling up and it's all I can do to keep my head above water. In the past few weeks:

- Our register at work broke, but we turned it into a positive situation and took the opportunity to upgrade to a Point of Sale system. Which means I've spent the last week squinting at spreadsheets, inputting products/brands/suppliers/UPC's by hand, making mock-invoice after mock-invoice trying to get used to being a member of the 21st century. Brian calls me Grandma.

- Our favorite (and only) employee Dre had to go back to school in PA so we've lost him until he comes back in December for break. He also happens to be a good friend of ours so it's sad x2. Brian's dad is working with us again so there is the silver lining. I like working with him and it's great to see him all the time. He mainly works at the warehouse, though, and the store definitely suffers with only two people working there.

- The wall that's unstable in our warehouse is getting repaired, which means workers in our way for the next week or so and the door not being able to be used.

- The day that wall started being fixed, someone knocked down, as in, destroyed, a DIFFERENT wall (holding up the only good doorway we were able to use). With our forklift. And we don't know who did it. And we're being held responsible anyway. And my dad's decided to get involved. And now it's REALLY hard to receive/transfer orders since we can't get in/out of the warehouse easily. Fun for everyone.

- Our chinchilla Sammy got sick and passed away due to a kidney problem that he was born with that just started showing itself out of nowhere. It was pretty quick and terribly sad and I still don't know if I've fully allowed myself to deal with it yet.

- The fire inspector gave us a list of things at work that he wanted us to change for this years inspection. We've been spending the past two weeks moving stuff around and putting up shelving (1. Stop using furnace closet for storage), getting an electrician to fix/put in new lighting fixtures (2. Remove all clip-lights), getting Dre's brother to build some sort of holder for CO2 tanks (3. All compressed gas cylinders must be chained/stored properly). They're reasonable requests I guess, except the furnace is OFF being that's it's been 88+ degrees for the past 2 months and we remove the boxes when we turn it on because we have common sense. And our clip-lights are not a fire hazard because we have them secured properly and nothing flammable is around them because we have common sense. The CO2 thing I can't argue about, though.

- I am so backed up on writing checks and dealing with my paperwork it's not even funny.

- Someone hit my car with their door in a parking lot and did serious damage. This is only two months after getting it fixed when someone hit it with what looked like a baseball. Silver lining: when they fixed my bumper they didn't attach it properly so this is killing two birds with one stone. I am without a car for the next few days though and I have so many errands to take care of.

- We upgraded our credit card terminal and switched our processing to our local bank. Which required me to learn new technology, set stuff up and talk to customer service people on the phone. My own personal hell so even though I said I'd call on Monday I've been avoiding it like the plague.

- Today I decided to get my work bag caught in my front door which led to it shutting on my heel and taking about 3820342 layers of skin off. I left a blood trail from my door to my bathroom and almost fainted from the pain. Definitely worst injury I've gotten in a very long time.

- We've been working on finding a venue for the wedding, which is exhausting and stressful. We've been trying to get back to our planner in a timely fashion just to get things out of the way but it's so hard when you have a thousand things going on. At 11:30 tonight we finished up looking at a list that she gave us, checking out each place and given them a quick critique. Sounds easy but with my work papers strewn all over the table, knowing that I should REALLY be dealing with them, it's kind of hard to focus on whether or not this studio is TOO studio-like or if this terrace will be large enough for a ceremony.

Feeling the way I feel right now I'd REALLY love to make some yoga time, which is laughable because you can't make something that doesn't exist at the moment. I wish I were a Hindu goddess with 10 arms, then maybe I could get all of my things done.

New Favorite Song (& video)

2010-08-04T09:15:00.005-04:00

2 of my favorite female musicians on the same track? Yes please. Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. - Teqkilla remix. Download here: http://neetrecordings.com/blog/

Plus Kid Sis came out with a new video for Big N Bad:

Wedding Planning

2010-08-01T12:08:00.003-04:00

In less than one year I will be getting married. I don't think that has really set in yet. I watched a few episodes of that Kleinfeld show Say Yes to the Dress and all the brides are all bubbling over with emotion. They go off on these romantic tears about how absolutely lucky they feel to be spending the rest of their life with their fiance and how their wedding is going to be the best day of their life. Is it wrong that I don't feel as excited? Don't get me wrong, I do feel that way about Brian, I just don't gush about it the way those girls do. I keep thinking of the wedding as one big party that will just finalize everything. We both knew that this was going to be the obvious next step in our relationship so it was just a matter of "when?".

I've been trying to get ideas for dresses and colors and stuff but I figure I'll wait until we get a venue so I can plan around that and visualize it all put together. To help with everything we decided to hire a wedding planner because 1. The thought of doing all of that by myself made me ridiculously anxious, 2. I attempted to find a venue on my own, called 1 place in 2 weeks and felt totally defeated after finding out about their 150 person minimum (we have like 65 guests so far) and 3. I work 6 days a week and honestly just don't have the time.

Her name is Lisa Anderson Green and so far I love her. I'll be honest, the first thing that stood out to me was the French Bulldog on her main page. Is that wrong? We set up a consultation and we all just clicked. She gets us and is everything I'm not: organized, regimented, experienced at wedding planning. Perfect. At the beginning of each month she's going to email me with what we need to accomplish and then we need to get it done. I love deadlines because I procrastinate unless I have them. Working with her is going to make everything perfect, I'm sure (especially since I don't know what "perfect" should be, and she probably does). She also has a blog that gives great planning/hiring pointers.

We have a new meeting scheduled for Tuesday (yes, she makes me schedule things...so organized) and I can't wait to get started.

Thine ever, or never.

2010-07-10T00:49:00.004-04:00

When I was 16, my dad gave me my own copy of The Select Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson. I say, "my own" because from the day I discovered it I would always steal his copy (I actually still have his, despite having my own, on my bookshelf). I feel like everything I've ever needed to know in life I could learn, whether by literal interpretation or inference, from Emerson's writings.

Lately I've been feeling a little lost. Not terribly, not "winter"-lost, not quarter-life-crisis lost, just like I'm searching for SOMETHING. Some sort of answer to a question I haven't asked yet. I'm not sure I've ever felt this way before. Usually I know what's wrong. Even if nothing is actually "wrong," I can usually figure out what's causing me to feel that way. When I can't, I do some soul searching. Emerson is definitely a worst case scenario. I haven't found my answer yet, but I stumbled upon another answer in the mean time.

I've been getting emails and text messages from a friend of mine lately. I shouldn't say "friend," as-in: current...more like a once-upon-a-time friend. Long story short (sort of): we were friends, she and her bf rescued a dog that was being abused but the new dog didn't get along with the dog they already had, Bri and I wanted to help by keeping the new dog but our landlord wouldn't allow it, they were having problems in their relationship (the dog was coming between them) and placed the blame on us, stopped calling us, started avoiding us, she and I emailed back and forth which pretty much ended with her more or less saying, "I can't separate our friendship from the dog situation so I can't talk to you anymore." I know that sounds pretty nuts, but it's true. I took the whole thing pretty hard, being that she was the first friend I let into my life in awhile. I totally let my guard down and she turned out to be a mistake. Our last conversation was in March of last year.

The recent emails caught me totally off-guard. She missed me and didn't know where we stood and just wanted to touch base. I told her very honestly how I felt, that she hurt me by ending our friendship over a DOG that was never my responsibility but who I still helped with, that I thought it was pretty ridiculous and I wasn't about to set myself up to be hurt like that again. She wrote back with some nutty things, making up lies ABOUT me, TO me. Things that I supposedly did or said to her that never actually happened. This whole thing took a lot out of me because up until maybe two months ago I was saying to Brian, "I still can't believe what happened with them...how crazy was that?" It still bothered me because up until the "break-up" point, I considered them to be great friends. Part of me wanted to be like, "Sure, all is forgiven, let's be friends again!" but then logic kicked in and said, "You've already seen how she reacts to stressful situations, you don't want to be on the receiving end of that again."

The whole process of meeting new people, opening up to new people, spending the time and energy feeling them out, learning them and deciding where you want things to go, eventually TRUSTING new people...it's so difficult for me. By nature I'm a private person, always have been. Take that, and the fact that I've had a whole lot of what I though to be great, unbreakable friendships turn bad out of nowhere, and you've got someone who is convinced that they don't need friends. There's always that nagging feeling that I might WANT friends, though, despite all the bad experiences I've had.

From Emerson's "Friendship" essay:

"Thus every man passes his life in the search after friendship, and if he should record his true sentiment, he might write a letter like this to each new candidate for his love: ---

Dear Friend,
If I was sure of thee, sure of thy capacity, sure to match my mood with thine, I should never think again of trifles in relation to thy comings and goings. I am not very wise; my moods are quite attainable, and I respect thy genius; it is to me as yet unfathomed; yet dare I not presume in thee a perfect intelligence of me, and so thou art to me a delicious torment. Thine ever, or never."

17 Year Old Me

2010-06-28T00:24:00.008-04:00

"Memories of the past year seek me out. They don't want me to forget who I am, what I've seen, what I've done, and who I've become. I turn away, in hopes to solely concentrate on the present. Yet they persist...they nudge their way back in, and pry open the locked box in the back of my mind...releasing memories of all the pain and confusion I've known. I'm not that person any longer. I've moved on, turned down a different road than the one I was traveling on. I've made a new life here, wherever "here" may be. I know the wounds of the past will never heal, but the scars that face me everyday serve as a reminder of how far I've come. As the night falls down, on this small New Jersey town, my memories are a state away. Yet they're rendered back to me as consistantly as the flicker of the lightening bug that's flying around this yard. A backyard has never been so comforting, and I've never felt so at home. Stay with me, memories. I beg you.

Basically...I'm acknowledging this as a new chapter in my book of life. Change can be good, as long as you never forget your past. Distance is nothing to be afraid of. As long as I can look to the sky at night, in hopes of finding an answer, and the moon is still up above me...I know that I have a constant, and that everything will be alright. Believe me, I've been checking for it."

- written June 27, 2001

I wrote that 1st section sitting on my exboyfriend's porch in Paramus, NJ. He was older and had his own apartment - I had been staying with him for awhile to get my head straight. 17 was a rollercoaster for me. I had made the decision to leave school and work full-time, which is a decision that, to this day, I fully stand behind. It's what I wanted but by no means was it easy. In order for me to keep moving forward I had to temporarily leave the past behind me. My friends, my family, everything. I had to make myself feel like I was wholly starting over, otherwise I would have been torn in too many directions for my volatile and confused 17-year-old mind to handle. Most people at that age are being Seniors, going to prom, being stupid, immature and loving every second of it. I wanted nothing to do with all of that. I just wanted to LIVE already.

I AM ENGAGED.

2010-06-19T12:51:00.004-04:00

It's true!

A few months ago we had a talk about getting engaged, which went something like:

Me: You know, if you want to get engaged you don't have to do that whole fancy/awkward getting down on one knee surprise thing. We're us, and that's weird, so we should just decide and do it together.

Him: So I don't have to make a whole big deal of it?

Me: No, that's not us. We should do it together.

Him: Ok, awesome. That's a relief.

Me: Good. So let's get engaged.

Him: Ok!

...and then nothing happened. We work constantly and lately have been focusing most of our non-work-related attention on making our new place look like we actually live there, so yeah, getting engaged after being together for eight and a half years really wasn't a huge priority.

Last Sunday (6/13) Brian and I took a drive down to the Short Hills mall in NJ because I had shoes to return to Bloomingdales and he wanted to get an iPad. Of course we drove all the way there only to realize I left the shoes at home and they were sold out of iPads. Of course. Somehow we wandered into Cartier. And somehow they had the most perfect ring in a size 4 3/4. And then, somehow, we were engaged. The girl in the store was more excited than we were, I think. She offered us champagne, which we declined, and said congratulations a ton of times. It didn't really hit me until we walked out of the store and I looked down at my finger. It was so strange to be wearing an ENGAGEMENT RING. I still feel like I'm 16 years old (and look about 20-max) so it's just crazy to me. We called our parents and they were all excited. I kind of wished we had waited a week so my parents could be back in NY to congratulate us in person, but they've made up for it over the past few weeks.

So, that's it. We're playing "grown ups" and it's weird, but I'm undeniably happy.

Lomography Light Painting Party

2010-05-06T15:31:00.003-04:00

I just received an email from the NYC Lomography store about an upcoming party they're having. They're giving out glowsticks and flashlights and will be teaching how to "light paint" with plastic cameras. I've been having a lot of fun with my Holga so I wish I could go. Unfortunately I will be driving for 7 hours tomorrow to go to a tradeshow/party in middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania. Oh well, free food and drinks, give-aways and catching up with/meeting people from our industry...better than a full day of work I guess.

Anyway, more info on the lomo party: INFO.

How awesome is that picture!? It came in the email. One day I will be able to do that, I swear.

Fix Up.

2010-04-23T16:09:00.002-04:00

I actually set foot in a gym this week. That might not seem like a big deal to anyone, but I'd never been before! Our new apartment comes with free gym membership (which NO ONE uses) so I've decided to get in shape. I noticed over Christmas break (in Miami Beach, no less...home of the ridiculously skinny people!) that I had put on a few extra pounds. Not such a huge amount that it made me too self-conscious, but enough that I wanted to do something about it (last time I checked it was 9 lbs., which I know isn't a lot but I'm only 5'2" so it's kind of noticeable). January, February and March came and went and I hadn't so much as lifted a finger. In my defense, I also moved and went on two trips during that time so my schedule was pretty packed...plus it was our busy time at work so I was usually there or at home zoning on the couch in order to recover for the next work day...excuses, excuses. The other day I got motivated, though, and finally went to check it out. So far I've been doing 3+ miles on the elliptical, which may not seem like so much to all of you "I go to the gym 3-5 times a week all year 'round"-people, but it's been kicking my ass. My calves and whatever muscles are by my hips are KILLING me, but mentally I feel pretty accomplished. I've never WORKED at being thin before. I'd always been one of those assholes who'd been blessed with a fast metabolism, who could eat an entire pizza, plus cheesy bread, PLUS ice cream, and not gain a single pound. Apparently until now. I've been eating healthier, too. Lots of veggies, fish, brown rice, no pastas or potatoes...I've been doing well and I'm proud.

New apartment! (No question mark!)

2010-02-21T18:49:00.003-05:00

We got the apartment! I'm so ridiculously excited. Over the last week we've written way too many checks, signed way too many papers and spent way too much time looking for new furniture, but we're happy! When making semi-life-changing decisions like choosing a new place to live, I usually feel very anxious and unsure of myself, but this time I feel good. The ONLY negative thing is that they have a no pet policy (it was really hard convincing the new landlord that my chinchillas are clean, hypoallergenic and don't smell...so much so that she made us pay double the security deposit) so that means no puppies for the next two years. It's hardly a sacrifice considering all of my other "new apartment must-haves" are there (walk-in closet, bath tub, 2 parking spaces, patio area, good bathroom storage) and even some extra bonuses, like a free gym and indoor pool and having jacuzzi jets in said bathtub. Our move-in date is March 1st but we're going to take our time and do it little by little. Working 6 days a week makes things hard so we're not going to stress ourselves (hah, easier said than done).

Our current landlord started showing our place today, which meant that for the whole afternoon we were in cleaning mode. I hate that we let it get so messy but we clean up for OTHER PEOPLE, not ourselves. I would love to blame it entirely on how tired we are from work but I think it's definitely half exhausted/half lazy. I felt like a little kid, hiding things under the bed and stuffing things in my drawers or the corners of my closet hoping no one would notice. I have my fingers crossed that someone liked the place and will rent it soon. The sooner they rent it the better for us, since we're being charged for the full month of March even though we'll probably be out by the 15th. Now comes the fun part, packing our entire lives into boxes! Wee!

New cameras, new apartment?

2010-02-09T18:35:00.001-05:00

After the Kid Cudi show we went to a few weeks ago, Bri got bummed on the quality of photos and videos we took. Obviously they weren't great, they were taken with our cell phones because he didn't want to bring the giant Nikon D40 (even though I bought him a cute, wait no not cute, MASCULINE, camera bag from Supreme). So that weekend we went to New Jersey to get him a new digital camera. He is a brat/geek and has to have the best of everything, so he was dead set on buying a Leica, just to have a small point-and-shoot camera that he can easily bring with him anywhere. After about ten minutes of boring camera talk, I wandered away to entertain myself. That is when I came across their Lomography section.

I'd always wanted some sort of lomo camera. At one point I NEEDED to have their four-lens ActionSampler, then the SuperSampler, and my most recent (recent, as in, for the past 6 years) necessity was the classic Holga. I finally bought it! The guys at the store were awesome, they showed me what film to use, what speed is best, how to load/unload it, etc. They were really helpful and kept laughing about how Brian and I are polar opposites in regards to our cameras.

We went back to the store this past Saturday. B wanted a portable tripod, I had some questions after reading the Holga book and I had my first roll of 120 film that needed to be developed. After asking all my questions about film types and cross-processing I picked up some 120 slide film also. I'm pretty surprised that they cross-process (and they also scan negatives! I can't wait to try some 35mm film in the camera and hopefully get photos printed past the sprockets. I'm going back Thursday night to get my film. I hope the photos come out good but it was my first time with this camera, I'm not expecting too much. Again, the guys were REALLY helpful and awesome. If you're in the NY/NJ area, go to Bergen County Camera (we've been going to the Westwood location). There's honestly no need to go to B&H anymore, they have everything and are even more helpful.

New apartment! Well, not yet, but we looked at places last week and we really like this one. It's a condo unit but it has its own entrance (not in a building where you have to take the stairs or elevator to your floor), it has two bedrooms and two marble/granite bathrooms (one bedroom will be our office/chinchilla room), a washer and dryer, a little patio area, views of the Hudson River and TZ Bridge, an AWESOME kitchen with marble counters and custom tiles...I loooove it. We put down a deposit and filed an application, fingers crossed! The worst part was having to call my current landlord to ask if we could get out of our lease a few months early. Ugh, terrible. He said ok, though, after sounding totally hurt and confused. Now I'm just going to wait anxiously and see what happens!

A silent sleeper, you won't hear a peep.

2010-01-22T02:11:00.007-05:00

Tonight I saw Kid Cudi live with Chip tha Ripper and Consequence. Not only were the openers actually good (like Consequence from Tribe isn't good...) Kid Cudi was one of the best live performers I've seen in a LONG time. He's so good live, plus his personality on stage (and I'm assuming off) is awesome. I was very impressed. We were in VIP so I got to take some photos and videos (it was PACKED downstairs, I wouldn't have been able to even see the stage!). I took a video of the entire Day 'N Nite performance (just realized how close that is to my blog name!) only to come home, upload it and find that it recorded with no sound. SO mad. I have one of Poke Her Face and Pursuit of Happiness, but I'd much rather post this video I DIDN'T take, of my most favorite Kid Cudi song (and unfortunately one he didn't play tonight):

OK and I'll post one I took tonight, too...here's Poke Her Face (sorry for quality, iPhone!)

EDIT: Apparently the real name of that song is Make Her Say. Whatever. Poke Her Face is better.

Tick Tock

2010-01-20T19:57:00.006-05:00

Time. It seems like no matter who you ask, people always want more time. I constantly hope that tomorrow I will wake up and there are suddenly more hours in the day.

I am blessed with the fact that my job doesn't "officially" start until 11am, but not so blessed because that means absolutely nothing. I usually either have a ton of paperwork to take care of before we open, or a customer calls me and asks me to come in early. Which is, in and of itself, ridiculous...much like the majority of my customers.

I work 6 days a week just so I am available for everyone. I figure our hours have a wide enough range that everyone, regardless of their schedule, can find time to come and purchase their goods. This doesn't stop them from, at least 4 out of the 6 days per week, calling and asking me to stay late/come in early for them. Depending on how much I like them and how good of a mood they catch me in, I will probably say yes. But if you're a pain in the ass or I've had a shitty day, forget it. "These are my hours, Monday-Saturday. You can't make it, too bad."

My favorite is when they call my cell after hours to have me COME BACK to the store after I've already gone home for the day. Case in point: last week one day I worked about an hour and a half late. After work I went to Staples to pick up some supplies to bring with me to the store the next day. I was in the parking lot and my Nextel started going off (yes, I actually had to cheat on my iPhone and get a cheap work phone just so I could turn it off on the weekends/vacation), it was a guy asking me to come back to the store so he could pick up an order. It was already 8:30pm at this point, I had just spent more time than necessary there, I just wanted to go home, eat dinner with Brian and sit on my couch. So...I lied to him. I told him his order was in the warehouse which gets locked up at 7pm so he couldn't get his stuff even if I said yes, which I assured him I would have. I seem like the good guy and I don't have to go back to work...win, win. Anyway, this happens often. Absolutely insane. I think anyone else would be a lot meaner than I am about it.

Oh! Another favorite: they call me on Sundays asking me to come in. Sundays are sacred to me and not in the religious sense. It's my day for: peace, quiet, chores, fun, family, etc...everything BUT work. I would have to REALLY like you or feel totally compassionate to come in to work on a Sunday, or if you want to spend a lot of money...maybe. It would take a lot.

I'm learning to say no more. It was another New Years' resolution of mine, to put myself before the business more. What good is running a successful business if you can't take the time to live, breathe and enjoy yourself? Or at least do laundry, cook meals and return phone calls?

The Wire

2010-01-10T16:25:00.005-05:00

Brian and I started watching the HBO show, The Wire, from the beginning. Apparently it first premiered in 2002 and, depending on who you ask, was one of the best TV shows of all time. I don't know how I never saw it, I was up on all of those HBO shows, The Sopranos, Sex in the City, OZ, etc. Somehow this one flew under my radar, which is actually better because now I don't have to wait every week for a new episode, I can watch is straight through whenever I want. The first time I heard of The Wire was when I was watching The Office with Brian and they had Charles come and watch over the Scranton branch. When they introduced him Brian said, "Oh shit, Stringer Bell," which made no sense to me so he had to explain about the Wire a little bit. It sounded good but I never really had the motivation to watch it. Now that we're on Season 2, I see why the whole Stringer Bell thing was funny.

In The Wire he's the brains behind every operation and a total bad-ass, it's hilarious to see him pushing pencils in a shirt and tie in the Office.

So, 2010, huh?

2010-01-03T21:35:00.003-05:00

It is January 3rd so, in true Lindsey fashion, I'm already a few days late making this blog entry. There goes one resolution (to be more punctual). Brian and I spent our annual Christmas-New Years vacation in Miami Beach (recap to come soon) which was much less relaxing than our last vacation to Staniel Cay, Bahamas. The two can't even be compared, though. Staniel is a true tropical paradise while Miami is still part of the hustle-and-bustle of the States.

While in Miami we reflected on the past year and any improvements we can make in the coming year. There are plenty of things we can do differently, it's honestly just a matter of making changes within ourselves, which neither of us are very good at. Here is our list-in-progress:

1. Cook dinner more

2. Move to a new, bigger apartment

3. Start yoga in order to de-stress, learn to breathe, have more time to think and get in shape (mine)

4. Stay late at work if I have things I need to finish (mine)

5. Eat healthier

6. Eat at a new restaurant in the city at least once a week

7. Keep our apartment clean

8. Do laundry more often

9. Make more us-time and date nights

10. Go to the MoMA with Jaime and Dave for the Tim Burton exhibit

11. Have more follow-through (this was originally B's, but I could benefit from it, too)

12. Be nicer and have less of an attitude (another one of his that I could also do)

13. Do dishes more often (B's)

14. Start getting ready for bed early so we can clean up after ourselves before going to bed

15. Wake up earlier for work

16. Put shelfguards in Davis and Junior's cage (B's)

17. Take down the Christmas tree and decorations on Little Christmas instead of, like, March like last year.

This brings to mind my To-Do list from last year. I checked off all that I had accomplished, which left me feeling proficient/sad. I did way better than I thought but I did leave a lot unfinished. I'm especially sad about not doing the things I wanted to do with my parents while they were home.

While we were in Miami they left to get the boat in Stuart, FL, which didn't leave them enough time to come down and meet us. I pretty much knew that would happen, but there was still a little hope that they would make it. Now they'll be gone until July. Brian and I talked about how much I missed them last winter and we decided that if it ever becomes truly unbearable for me I can take a long weekend to go see them. It's great to know that he's reached a point where he can take of the store in my absence. Just knowing that relieves some of my stress.

So here's to 2010, the beginning of a great (stress-free) year and hopefully a great decade. It has to be better than the last, right?

My life is turning into a series of "moments"

2009-12-17T11:18:00.001-05:00

I'm having a moment. When am I NOT having a moment, lately?

I'm not living right and there isn't enough time in a day and there aren't enough days to fix everything that is broken. I'm trying, though, and at least I still know what "right" is. That amounts to something right? No, this is the real world and that amounts to absolutely nothing.

Sometimes I still feel like I'm not ready for this. Not often, but definitely right now.

I can't even handle life, and Christmas is coming (with the need to buy gifts and cook food and organize family) and then vacation (thank fucking god)...I just need to get through these next 7 days, do them right, and then it will be the beach, and then the New Year when I can fix everything, or repeat the same mistakes I made this year. We'll see.

8 Years.

2009-12-05T18:28:00.007-05:00

8 years ago today, on December 5th, 2001, Brian asked me to be his girlfriend. Which sounds insane as I write this, because at this point in life I am much more than just his "girlfriend." I think the best way to document our relationship for everyone to see (and thoroughly embarrass ourselves by showcasing our awkward phases, such as straight-edge-hardcore and bad-dye-job-Brooklyn) is through pictures!

2001, in Florida at Gainesville Fest (more specifically, Steak N Shake)

2002, at my parents' house on his 19th birthday

2003, at my house, after acquiring a test press of our favorite record

2003, at the Jersey shore

2004, also at the Jersey shore

2005, on Broadway downtown after our 4th anniversary

2006, in Little Italy

2006, at Alessandra's New Years Eve Sweet 16

2007, Easter brunch (with my grandpa)

2007, Halloween in NYC (I'm obviously a bee, Brian's obviously himself)

2008, in San Diego

2008, in Staniel Cay, Bahamas

2009, in our kitchen

...& many more to come!

Twilight

2009-11-23T19:54:00.005-05:00

Ok, so I might be a little late to jump on the whole, "OMG TWILIGHT" boat, but at least I'm on it now, right? I am completely embarrassed to admit it but I'm obsessed! Not in the, "I'm going to wear my TEAM EDWARD (or TEAM JACOB, the jury's still out on that one) t-shirt to go see New Moon tonight" sense, but in the "I can't fucking wait to see New Moon tonight" sense. I am 26 years old, after all, I had to draw the line somewhere.

It happened like this:

We went to the movies awhile ago and they played a trailer for New Moon. Bri and I both looked at each other and said, "That actually looks pretty good." So I had him download me the first Twilight movie and I fell in love. It was so romantic, dangerous and very "Romeo and Juliet" with the whole forbidden-love thing. It doesn't even have anything to do with my non-existent love of vampires or my non-existent crush on R-Pattz (ugh, did I just say that??? Thanks Perez.), I just love the story so much. I borrowed the first book from a friend of mine, finished in a day and a half, bought the box set, finished New Moon in one day, and here I am super excited to go see New Moon in an hour. After which I will probably immediately start reading Eclipse. I don't want to rush it or anything because once I finish the last book in the series it's over, there is nothing after that and I will be pretty bummed.

I can't even believe I just made a blog post about Twilight.

Anxiety Always

2009-11-19T11:20:00.005-05:00

1-3 times a year, since the time I was 14 years old, I've had to fight bouts of depression and anxiety. I'd like to say that I'm a bit stronger than a lot of people who are affected by these things, I can recognize them almost immediately and I don't use medication (I should say "anymore," when I was 17 I had such a bad bout that I couldn't leave the house for over a week and then was prescribed Xanax, which I only took when I was so overcome by anxiety that I couldn't deal on my own...I've since learned how). Maybe I'm just lucky and my cases are mild in comparison, who knows. I am at one of those times right now and it's so hard for me. They always come hand-in-hand with the feeling of being completely and utterly overwhelmed. I don't know if the feeling is triggered by the depression/anxiety, or vice versa, I haven't been able to figure that one out yet.

I had a really good conversation with my dad about all of this last fall before he left for his Bahamas boat journey. I was in one of those times and turned to him for advice. He told me that he goes through the same thing and that the best way to cope with that overwhelmed feeling is to make a list. Write down everything that you need to do, whether it's big or small, just all the things that are stressing you out that you need to get to, then do them and cross them off, one by one. I've found that it really helps. The key to getting out of these "things," for me, is to get ahead of myself. Leave nothing un-done. Once all of my things are in order, my head and emotions usually are, too.

This time is different, though. It's not just all of the responsibilities that are stacking up that are weighing me down. I've been emotional lately about how fast time has been passing and all of the adult responsibilities I have. I've been referring to myself as "old and boring" way too much. I've heard this being referred to as a "quarter life crisis" but I was pretty sure I went through this already when I was 21.

It started on Halloween. A month beforehand I had been all excited, I went to the costume store and bought my referee costume and I was planning out all the partying we'd be doing. The day of, however, I came home from work, sat around, went to see my mom, got some lunch with Bri, got flaked on by Dre, had Sean over, watched most of the Yankee game and fell asleep at 11pm. That sort of set the tone for the next few weeks. Then this past Wednesday I went to my parents' house to make some room for storage in my old bedroom. That obviously turned into me going through boxes of photos and finding old mix cd's, staring at framed pictures of me and old friends. It was like I was walking into someone else's room and examining their life. It's not mine anymore. I'm not friends with any of the people in the photos. I, myself, am barely recognizable. The cd's were made by someone with a completely different taste in music. Brian and I listened to them in the car that night, it was as if someone had made me cd's to get me into a new style of music. I didn't even remember half the songs or bands on them.

After dinner we started talking about what age we would relive if we could. My answer was 18. 18 was a great year for me. I was old enough to pull the, "I'm-an-adult-I-can-do-what-I-want" card. I was young enough that I didn't have any responsibilities so I had time to do what I wanted to do. I was running around the city, visiting with friends in New Jersey (and staying for as long as I wanted), taking the China Town bus up to Boston and staying with friends there, going on roadtrips to see bands play, spending every last cent on things that made me happy (records, books, toys, movies, etc.) not things that I NEEDED. I had friends everywhere! I would go to shows and know practically everyone, and they knew me. People were genuinely excited to see me, and me them. I wasn't old enough to start scrutinizing relationships and friendships, I hadn't yet figured out who was actually worth it (and I didn't care). Life, in and of itself, was new, exciting and fun.

I know everyone goes through this, it shouldn't be having such a negative effect on my mental state, but piled on top of being old enough to buy a house (don't even get me started on the stress THAT is causing me), being in charge of running a corporation (six days a week, at that), juggling my everyday responsibilities (which, I'm going to going to go out on a limb and say, are a lot more than most people my age, judging by my highschool friends' facebook statuses)...I'm at a breaking point. I just keep looking forward to that one week from Christmas to New Years, that's the only time I can close the business and oh my god do I need a vacation!

Like my mom always told me, "Just go through the motions."

I miss Junior =(

2009-10-27T14:20:00.004-04:00

My chinchilla Junior isn't better yet. We brought him to the vet on Friday night (which meant I unfortunately had to bail on Blood Manor, which actually turned out to be fortunate because my friends waited on line from 11pm-3am and said it sucked!) because his infection wasn't getting any better. They wanted to keep him for the weekend so we left him there. I called this morning just to check in and they say he's still not ok. The vet had said he should be fine by Monday and it's already Tuesday. She said they might need to operate again, I feel terrible that we've put him through this! It was for the greater good, though, so he could be back in the same cage with his sister who he loves. I miss him and I'm really worried.

New Favorite Song

2009-10-27T14:15:00.003-04:00

Heard this last weekend while getting ready to go out:

It sounds like something I would've loved in my "punk rock" days! But dancier.

Marilyn Monroe and Why I Love my B

2009-10-15T19:52:00.002-04:00

I stumbled upon this quote from Marilyn Monroe the other day:

"I`m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

...and it pretty much sums me up (and probably every other girl in the world). It makes me embrace my awful quirkiness and makes me appreciate B for loving and dealing with me at my worst, best and everywhere in between. If only all men treated all women like that, the world would be great and wonderful, filled with all things cute and cuddly. Which brings to mind something completely unrelated:

This commercial is for a new New York Lottery game, but every time it comes on TV i want to die from cuteness overload.

Where I Live

2009-10-15T19:40:00.001-04:00

If any of you have seen this new Verizon commercial, it was filmed where I live. They filmed it not very long ago, I'm surprised it's even on TV yet.

PS: I still love my iPhone!

Important Things Update

2009-10-03T18:47:00.004-04:00

I know, I know, I've been a terrible blogger. Sometimes life happens, though, and we can't always update. Some of the more major/awesome things that have been going on with me:

1. I'm buying a house! What!? B and I had been thinking about it a lot lately but definitely didn't think we could afford to buy anything. The business accountant told us we were on schedule to get KILLED on taxes this year, unless we find a way to get more write-offs. Being young and technically single isn't always a good thing in the eyes of the IRS. So we looked at some condo's, only to realize that the condo's in our area are ridiculously overpriced. A one bedroom fixer-upper STARTS at $450,000. We were kind of discouraged until Brian came across a house that looked awesome and was in our price range. The fact that it's an actual house is just an added bonus. On Thursday we signed the contract and wrote the biggest check of our lives, we received their signed contract on Friday and now we're going in to deal with the mortgage stuff on Monday morning. So scary, I feel like I'm playing grown-up!

2. One of my baby chinchillas, Davis, turned out to be Bette Davis. He's a she! We had Brian's parents over on Wednesday night and Davis started digging in his cage. Brian's mom commented that they usually do that when they're pregnant. We realized we hadn't checked their "parts" since they were really young and with chinchillas things change a lot between baby-hood and adulthood. So we looked and freaked out. Davis definitely looked like a girl but we couldn't tell for sure. We called around and found a vet that specializes in chinchillas and exotic animals and brought them Thursday night. Davis turned out to, indeed, be a girl chinchilla. No word yet if she is pregnant, you can't really tell until they're just about to have babies, but it wouldn't be bad for her health if she were. Hoping she's not (and even if she is, so they can still live together in the future), we had Junior neutered. It was so weird not having him home, I actually missed him. I picked him up this afternoon and he is so adorable. I guess he's still out of it from the anesthesia and is just so cute and sleepy looking. He's going to need to stay in a separate cage for about 10 days until he heals up but then everything should be fine. I hate keeping them apart, though. It's so sad.

3. Football season is starting! Two weeks ago I went to the Jet's home opener. Brian and Sean have season tickets so Brendan, Christine and me got tickets, too. We got there early and tailgated and the Jets beat the Patriots. Such an awesome game!

Me and Christine tailgating.

For the past few years I've done a pool with my friends where you have to pick the winners of each week's games and if the score will go over or under. Winner used to get a jersey but now they win the money. I won two years ago and got an Eli Manning jersey. My friends and Brian give me shit because I like the Giants and Jets equally. According to them you have to pick a favorite, you can't possibly like them exactly the same. My mom's side of the family all love the Mets and Jets, my dad's like the Yankees and Giants, so I'm split down the middle. Although in baseball I prefer the Yankees.

4. Speaking of Yankees, we went to see them play the Red Sox last Sunday and they clinched their division and home-field advantage in the play-offs. I had bought the tickets for Brian, my parents and me about a month ago for my birthday. I hoped that the seats I chose were good, they looked really good online but I couldn't tell. When we got there it was raining and we just stood around for awhile before going to our seats. I asked one of the ushers how to get down to our seats and he laughed and said, "pssh you have to have those kind of tickets first". I showed him our tickets and he said, "Oh, well, I guess you do...go over to those giant glass windows, go into the Legends Suite Club entrance and get a bracelet. We were confused, because our tickets didn't anything about a Legends Suite Club. We went into the suite area, which opened up into a restaurant. We wanted to eat a little while there was a rain delay, so we asked the hostess how much the buffet was. She said it was included with our tickets. What? So we sat down to one of the most delicious buffets ever. Fresh sushi, Mediterranean cheese/olive/salad spread, lamb chops, turkey, omelets. Insane. After eating the game was starting so we asked someone how to get to our seats. She said, "Follow me, I'll show you. On your way out grab some snacks." We look at the snacks, which was a table COVERED in all different types of snacks; candy, cracker jacks, cotton candy, chocolate bars, etc. "How much?" "Oh it's all free. Take as much as you want." What? "Oh and at your seat you can ask your server to bring you a menu. Everything on there is free except for alcohol." What? Seriously, hot dogs, TRUFFLE FRIES (amazing, by the way), cheesesteaks, ice cream, nachos, EVERYTHING. FREE. Best birthday present ever. Plus the Yankees went on to win! Here are some photos I took of the game:

A-Rod trying to steal 2nd.

My favorite Yankee, Robinson Cano.

Thhheeee Yankees win!

The Yankees celebrating their division win!

You can see more on my flickr: BrooklynLove

Where the Wild Things Are

2009-09-19T12:13:00.006-04:00

Is anyone else as excited to see thi s as I am?

Inspiration

2009-09-10T16:57:00.002-04:00

Before taking this job at my family's business, I wanted to be a writer. Since as far back as I can remember that's the one thing I've LOVED to do. It's the one thing I've been good at. I started writing and illustrating my own stories when I was three or four. I was, what B affectionately refers to me as, a "geek baby." I had journals (2 separate ones, one for creative stuff and one for a diary) my entire life and wrote down EVERYTHING. I was always very private, though, and rarely shared any of my writing. I channeled a lot of my creative energy into my school work, especially for my English classes. My 6th grade English teacher, Ms. Nappi, was the first teacher to REALLY push me. I guess she saw something in me and she really taught me to write (school-wise) to my full potential. I think she took a liking to me when I did my Middle School English entry project on George Orwell's "Animal Farm." In retrospect I guess that is a little outrageous, a 10 year old critiquing and explaining a book in which communism and its class-system is represented by animals on a farm (still one of my favorite books of all time).

Anyway, I kept writing and was convinced I would become a short story or poetry writer, publish books, become a journalist, be a freelance writer (yes, all at the same time) and live in NYC in a kitschy retro-decorated loft. Ah, to be a young idealist. I slowly realized how much of a competitive, dog-eat-dog field writing is, and I'm the opposite of competitive. I didn't want to ruin writing for myself by making it my job, so I chose this instead.

I didn't think that a career would get in the way of my writing, but it did. I was always busy and didn't even have the time to stop and FEEL anything, let alone write about what I'm feeling. I started only being able to write when something was wrong. Which was bad, because every time Brian saw me writing he equated it with me being unhappy. Which was bad, because it lead to questions like, "Do you hate me?" I slowly broke out of that and I'm still learning to appreciate inspiration when it strikes me.

I still write on my pathetic.org page sometimes. A poem of mine was even featured as Poem-of-the-Day in May (I might be lame for being excited about that, but really, it's exciting!):

I want nothing more than to be eloquent.
my words to be deliberate.
precise.
pointed.
to cut through the air like a torpedo.

Past the sentences muddled with stammers.
stutters.
wasted breath.
to arrive at the very thought and feeling.
to convey it the way my heart is beating it.

What made me want to write this entry is a book I bought this weekend, "Bang Ditto" by Amber Tamblyn. Yes, she is one of the girls from Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (and yes, I love that movie regardless of the fact that I'm 26 years old), but that's not who she IS. She's so ridiculously talented. Her views are mature and she twists words in a way that make you see through them to what she's actually FEELING. It is SO inspiring.

My favorite so far (I haven't even come close to finishing and it's only 125 pages. That's how much I love it.):

Earthquake

My entire life has been a huge earthquake
I slept through. All I know are the aftershocks.

The sound of glass being swept up
in my lover's bedroom.

A story I don't remember telling is the headline
of every newspaper the morning after.

My blackouts in big lights.
All I see is the damage I've done.

My mother is the news anchor,
never allowing me to escape her natural disaster.

My father is the kindly neighbor
bringing me a candle and asking about my injuries.

I read a diary of old
New Year's resolutions:

1) Ignore the commentary on your comical thighs.
2) Write more than just repeating his favorite song's lyrics.

3) Report every shooting star to Mindy while out of town.
4) Tell him you love him before he figures out that you don't.

My friends lie to me like a government.
They say the wreckage isn't as bad as it seems.

My old flames head up relief efforts,
raising money to help the hurt survive me.

My thoughts are homeless dogs running wild.
I just want to know the truth.

I'd like to take the Richter Sclae
out for a romantic lie detector test

and when the mood's right,
ask what it really thinks of me.

When it doesn't respond, I'll tell everyone
to sleep in their cars, to move to Florida

where hurricanes announce themselves
before destroying everything.

Labor Day (aka official end of Summer!)

2009-09-07T16:37:00.004-04:00

Today is Labor Day! Official holiday for those who bust their asses all year long. To celebrate, Bri and I closed the store and refused to think about or talk about work. That lasted about an hour, but whatever. When you run your own business it's so hard to compartmentalize! I would love to only talk about home things at home, work things at work, fun things when you're having fun, etc. but this is reality and that can't always happen. Like last night at 11:30pm - we're in the car with Sean driving to haunted/scary places and my dad calls to tell me to make a list of my expenses and figure out my monthly nut for the accountant. I love when he does things like that!

Anyway, after much brainstorming bf and I decided to go to the park and have a picnic! There are a few parks in the area but the closest (and my favorite) has 2 picnic areas. The best one is at the top of this big hill and you can look out and see the Hudson River and Westchester. There's grass to sit on and it's really pretty. We tried to go there first but it was SO crowded. Every parked car had a different reggaeton song blasting so we decided to try the other area for a more peaceful day. We were the only ones there, but it wasn't too sunny and there wasn't any grass. Who needs grass anyway? We plopped down our blanket and broke out the sandwiches and had a great time. Well, a great half hour? It took about that long for us to realize there are bugs and dirt and animals in the wilderness. Like this:

It's official, we are city people and definitely not nature people. It was a nice change of pace, though.

Hope all you work-a-holics took a break today and basked in the nothingness!

New favorite song!

2009-08-28T20:52:00.002-04:00

"Let the Feelings Go" by Annagrace
Not really new, but I love it!

Birthday!

2009-08-22T13:29:00.001-04:00

This Sunday is my birthday! My 26th birthday. I am feeling older than old. Everyone I know who is older than me hates me for saying that, but it's true! My next monumental birthday will be THIRTY. THIRTY! I can't even deal with that. So, let's talk about happier things, like my birthday wishlist!

Hot & Cold prints for my bathroom! Etsy cuteness!

These adorable sheets from Anthropologie!

Christian Louboutin boots. I almost died when I saw the price tag but I loooove them.

Robinson Cano jersey! My birthday present from my parents is tickets for the four of us to go see the Yankees play the Red Sox in September! The only jersey I have is Alex Rodriguez which I promptly stained with pizza grease at the Italian Food Center.

This trench coat from Anthropologie! I saw it there last weekend but B talked me out of trying it on because I have a khaki one almost identical. After further thought (and after finding this blog) I have decided that I have to have it. Khaki and plaid are entirely different.

This shirt from Anthropologie. My mom would call this very "hippy dippy" but I love it.

This collage of mirrors from Anthropologie. It reminds me so much of the first house I ever lived in. It was on the water but inside had a very Soho loft sort of feel. We had tables that were giant wooden spools for fabric/wire (like this), lots of hanging plants, lots of vases and clay pots, the kitchen table was round, made of chunky, solid wood, everything was very rustic but cool. Pretty much, my parents had an awesome design sense without even trying.

Anyway, can you tell I'm obsessed with Anthropologie? I have a love/hate relationship with them, though. I love their stuff but hate their prices.

Update: I hadn't gotten a chance to publish this until today. Yesterday I went to Anthropologie and bought myself some early birthday presents. The coat, the shirt and the sheets (and this tank top in dark grey)! I know, I went a little crazy but I only turn 26 once! (I can justify anything). I wanted to order the mirror but not only is it nearly $700, I think my current apartment is too modern for it. Brian said it wouldn't work and I think he's right. I almost want to buy it and save it for when we get a house because yes, I love it THAT MUCH, but that's a little crazy seeing as we just signed the lease for another year. Right?

So birthday plans. My actual birthday is tomorrow. I'm so happy it's on a Sunday so I can keep up with the tradition of never working on my birthday. Seriously, in the 12 years I've been working, I've NEVER worked on my birthday. Tomorrow we're supposed to go on the boat with my parents and then go out to dinner at Morton's (if you've never been, GO! It's pricey as hell but the food is insane.), but with all this rain I don't know if it will be a boat day. Tonight our friend Asher is having a party (Asher Smasher!) so we will probably go there. I love my birthday weekend!

Life.

2009-08-18T16:51:00.007-04:00

I was thinking today about who and where I am at this point in my life, compared to who and where I've been (both geographically and mentally). Often frazzled, stressed, feeling like I've bitten off more than I can chew. Often feeling like I'm PLAYING grown up rather than BEING grown up. I sometimes yearn for more free time. Empty, endless days and nights to fill with whatever I choose. Time to breathe, relax, de-stress, slow down. I can't say I don't enjoy the juggling act, though. I look forward to doing what I can with the time I have. Balancing work with play with personal work and growth. Planning every day and night, or simply not wanting to plan anything at all. I am content (not to be mistaken for complacent). I have a tremendous sense of pride. I am working, earning my keep, providing for those I love, always striving for more and to be better. I answer to no one but myself and that's taught me, if nothing else, to love what I do, do it to the best of my ability and have pride in myself and my work. I am usually able to pick myself up, and sometimes, when I'm not, I'm able to ask for help (but even when I do, I know I ultimately have to help myself). Realizing that I'm only me, not anyone else, and doing what I can with that.

These current feelings have replaced past feelings of inadaquecy, of trying to fill the shoes of someone much bigger, stronger and wiser than I. Worrying that I'll never get "there" (which is now actually "here"). Having every day be a struggle, taking everything I have to just press on and do it all over the next day. ...and worrying that it might not end up being worth it. Getting home at the end of the day, closing the door behind me, dropping my bags, breaking down hysterically due to the weight of it all. Wondering if this is really waht I want, if it makes me happy, if it will EVER make me happy.

"Sometimes I just need to go on autopilot and eventually I'll get to some place good and eventually I'll wake up." - Me, April, 2005

I haven't felt like that in so long and it feels great. I think I'm finally some place good.

New Favorite Song!

2009-08-11T12:14:00.001-04:00

LOVE HER.

Today.

2009-08-07T17:34:00.003-04:00

...is officially one of the worst days I've had in awhile. I was woken up today at 10:20am by Brian jumping up and screaming, "OH SHIT IT'S 10:20!" We have work at 11am so needless to say I got ready faster than I have in a very long time.

I also happen to be sick. Not full-fledged sick just yet but I'm getting there. My nose and throat are all itchy, burning, drippy at the same exact time. Yesterday I went out and bought a thermometer to keep at the store because I was convinced I had a ridiculously high, burning, scorching fever. I measured up at 97.9 degrees. Hypochondria much? OH speaking of hypochondria, I'm convinced I have Epstein Barr. My dad was diagnosed with it a week or two ago, and apparently it has a 1-2 month incubation period. He caught it somewhere around Miami and I've shared drinks with him since he's been home. While googling Epstein Barr I stumbled across HCMV which now I am also convinced I have. This is why I don't ever go to WebMD. Ever. Another thing I will never do again is watch Monsters Inside Me on Animal Planet. I made that mistake yesterday. I am now terrified of somehow getting brain-embedding parasites.

Back to today. I've seen a total of like 4 people at work today, which is good because I've gotten a lot done, bad because it means we're not making money. Brian and I also got into a fight (or two, or three) about work. I hate fighting, let alone fighting at work (and over work). It is NOT easy to work with the person you love/live with. We do ok with it but sometimes we can't help but stop just short of punching one another other in the face. We're good now but an hour ago? Wow. If anyone would have walked in they would have ran for cover. Gotta love the Italian/Irish tempers!

Hopefully tonight will be better. Yankees/Red Sox game tonight so we'll probably go somewhere to watch. Or I'll feel like death and hangout by myself on the couch. We'll see.

Thomas Hawk's $2 Portraits

2009-08-01T14:16:00.006-04:00

While searching for cute pictures of piggies on Flickr (I know, I know...) I came across this photographer Thomas Hawk. His photographs are very good, but I was especially inspired by a series he calls, "$2 Portraits." When people approach him asking for money, he offers them $2 in exchange for their photograph.

He says, "In part I'm undertaking this project because I realize that I've been avoiding people asking me for money. My biggest motivation behind this project however is simply that I think human interaction is a good thing. I'm not doing this to exploit homeless people or show how hard and bad life can be. I'm doing this because I want to celebrate other human beings as human beings and I think that this commercial transaction gives us an opportunity to engage and interact on a more human level... and I also think that I can take a pretty decent portrait."

I think it's a great idea, plus I love reading all their interesting life stories. Here are a few of my favorites:

You can view the rest here.

Tonight!

2009-07-31T11:48:00.005-04:00

A-Trak tonight! I love him. I don't love Webster Hall, though. And I have work tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm going to go.

Funny people also comes out tonight. I've been waiting for it to come out for so long, it looks hilarious. Plus RZA is in it! Bonus!

New favorite songs!

2009-07-30T18:16:00.004-04:00

I heard these on the way to work this week . The first is the Armin Van Buuren remix of Iio's Rapture. The second is DHT & Edmee - Your Touch. Love!

Empty Phonebook, being independent/anti-social, new friend application

2009-07-30T13:26:00.006-04:00

A few weeks ago bf went out and bought the new iPhone, which means I got a hand-me-down iPhone! Which is awesome because never in a million years would I buy myself one (or any new piece of technology for that matter). The day I got it I entered a few of my phonebook entries, swearing that I would finish "later". Needless to say, that never happened. So, I've been surviving comfortably for almost a month without 3/4 of my phonebook.

Every once in awhile I look at my life and the people who are a part of it and realize that everything has changed. I have about seven people that I call/text on a regular basis. 4 of them don't really count as friends because they're Brian, my mom, my dad and my grandpa. I have a decent amount of "friends" but they're more like acquaintances. That's me, though.

I've never been the type of person to surround myself with other people and go to other people for advice. I'm independent. I figure things out on my own. I need "alone-time" more often than I need "friend time." I'm not the type to have a ton of girlfriends who I call to ask what clothes I should wear or how I should wear my hair or just to talk about my day. I like to go shopping, run errands, get food, etc. by myself. Some people might consider this to be anti-social, I prefer the term "self-reliant".

I learned to get on that "bff" level with a group of girlfriends in high school (which carried on until around this time last year) but I definitely had to LEARN it. It doesn't come naturally to me. I look at other girls, they call each other just to bullshit and hangout and get ice cream and that sort of thing. It's not that I don't like doing those things, it just doesn't cross my mind. I guess it depends on the person, though, sometimes friendships just evolve to that naturally. Like that girl Carla I was friends with. She and I would hangout together, I'd go over her house to hang out and watch TV, we went shopping together around Christmas, we would text about funny, unimportant things. I guess we just clicked (I still have no idea why we're not still friends, but whatever). That's not to say that I don't really like these girls I know now. I do! When we hang out we have fun, we have things to talk about, but it's always in a larger group of mixed company. The best time I've had in awhile was hanging out with them in Ocean City.

I don't want to pull the, "I get along SO MUCH BETTER with guys" card, because that seems cliche, but I do! Guys just chill. They don't call other guys for advice. They don't need help making every day decisions. They can go grab some food together without it being a whole "plan." Everything is so "whatever" and that's how friendship has to be for me. If it requires a ton of effort or attention I bolt. I run a business 6 days a week, barely have time to take care of my own things - I don't have time for a high-maintenance friendship. That's why I love Sean. He's almost always down to just chill. He knows me and either gives me the space I need or drags me out of my hermit-like tendencies without me even having to ask.

Pretty much, my ideal friend has to:

- be the perfect mix of fun, outgoing and homebody
- be able to entertain themselves and not have to hang out ALL THE TIME
- introduce me to new things
- not be a slut
- be a good person
- have good family values
- be REAL
- be 100% open and honest
- be totally aware of the fact that I don't NEED them, I want to be friends with them
- be as good to me as I am to them
- not get bent when I'm exhausted from work and just want to sit on my couch "relaxing" wearing sweatpants for hours on end
- not be judgemental
- love me for me

Inquire within!

Yankees!

2009-07-24T15:47:00.004-04:00

One of our friends/customers has season tickets for the Yankees and he dropped some off for us last week. They were for Tuesday night vs. the Orioles. We close the store at 6pm and the games usually start at 7pm so I was stressed we'd get there late, but we made awesome time. We left work at around 6:18 and were in the Bronx at 6:35. It was gross and rainy/misty all day, but as soon as we got there it slowed down and finally stopped. The first thing I did was get a hot dog! Baseball games aren't the same without hot dogs. The same could be said for beer, but I'm not a big beer fan. Speaking of beer, I love beer vendors at sports events. This one guy that kept coming by us had the best catch phrase, "Yo. Bee-uhhh." Simple and to the point. Last year we heard this one guy, "Who's drinkin and drivin tonight??? Getcha beeee-uhhh!" Another one makes you answer baseball trivia questions while he pours your beer.

Anyway. So the seats! They were three rows from the field in right field. This is Yankee Stadium so plenty of balls are going out to the right field. We were right by a few fly balls and some almost-home-runs. (I watched the encore when we got home and Bri was on TV!) The new stadium is SO nice. Everyone says they like Citi Field better but Yankee Stadium is definitely pretty awesome. There are so many good food places! I, in case I haven't mentioned, am a bottomless pit. I can eat anything and everything. I had the hot dog when we walked in, a pulled pork sandwich from Brother Jimmy's a little later on and a large garlic fries. Delicious!

To top it all off, the Yankees won! Great night!

B in his Yankees gear. It just stopped raining so that's not drool on his jacket.

Polyvore

2009-07-18T15:26:00.004-04:00

I know I might be the last person in the world to sign up for Polyvore, but I don't care. I love this site! Kiera made me a collage a year ago with all things I love (Hello Kitty, coffee, cute clothes, shoes, etc.) and it was adorable. I always wanted to post my outfits, this is a good way to do it without having to take pictures of myself. Here is my outfit for today:

7-18 by Lindsey823 featuring Morgan

Don't get the wrong idea, some of the items aren't exact. Like the headband. It's not a $250 headband (who would even BUY a $250 headband???) I bought it in a 3-pack at CVS for like $5.

New Makeup. (aka my least favorite thing to shop for.)

2009-07-16T17:59:00.003-04:00

Tuesday I went to Sephora after work to try and find new summer makeup. I have three shopping trips I hate making: new makeup, new jeans, new bras. I don't know why but they're all awful, almost always. Makeup especially. You're trying to apply, with precision, things in these brightly lit, imperfection-magnifying mirrors. The whole experience, when broken down, is really just how you're unhappy with your natural self and want to hide/change/fake your appearance. Unless you're perfect and want to "enhance" your perfect beauty. Ugh.

I ended up being pretty successful, though, no thanks to any of the sales people. When I was 19-20ish I worked at Sephora. My specialty was fragrance (my dad and bf constantly make fun of my super-human sense of smell, saying that "the nose knows"). However, if they were short-staffed I'd be thrown into cosmetics which I know, admittedly, close to NOTHING about. I'd try and sound like I knew what I was talking about but most of the time it was bullshit. Anyway, I was asking the sales girl for oil-free bronzer, which is absolutely necessary if I don't want my face to look like an oil-slick at my non-air conditioned job. She showed me 3-4 different bronzers, none of which I thought were oil-free (Calvin Klein, Sephora brand, etc.). I told her I'd find her if I needed anything else and went and read the ingredients. Every single one of them had multiple types of oil in them. Great, thanks, I've got it from here. After many applications and re-applications, I left with a new powder (Stay-Matte from Clinique), new bronzer (Park Avenue Princess from Tarte...I later realized that I look like a giant golden metallic robot, so that's getting returned ASAP), a travel kabuki brush from Tarte (<3LOVE<3), some spot treatment from Clinique, a new foundation from Clinique, Sugar lip conditioner from Fresh (best ever, I can't live without this stuff!) and a free deluxe sample of guava body butter from Sephora (so yummy, I love it).

Slightly less painful than I was anticipating. Let's see if I actually wear this stuff, though. I always try out new makeup and end up quickly reverting back to what I'm used to.

Yearly Ornament Shopping

2009-07-16T15:10:00.006-04:00

Ok, I don't think I've ever posted about this before, but I collect Christmas ornaments. Hang on, before you pass judgement let me state that I'm not one of those crazy ladies who has like 4 different Christmas trees and they're all color-coordinated or anything. Please, I'm 25 and work 6 days a week, I'm lucky if I can find enough time to put up/take down a single tree.

Growing up my Aunt Lynn owned a Hallmark store, Lynn's Hallmark (very fitting name). When I was five or six she started sending me ornaments for Christmas. It started with one angel every year, from a collection called Mary's Angels. Then she started sending me Barbie ornaments. I had a few Barbies growing up but I wasn't really a Barbie-type of girl (I later sold them on eBay, which makes me feel sort of guilty but whatever). The angels, though, I loved. It was my job to take them out every year and put them on the tree. When it was time to take them down I would put them back in their respective boxes, one by one, carefully wrapping them in bubblewrap and putting their hangers in the box with them so they didn't get lost in storage. They were such a huge part of my Christmas tradition.

I moved into my first apartment when I was 19. I got my first Christmas tree, a pre-lit one from Home Depot. I brought all of MY ornaments from my parents' house and decorated it, sparsely, with pride. That was the year the ornaments stopped coming. I was over 18 and living on my own. Every year since then I've gone to Hallmark in July, the weekend of the ornament premiere, and picked up my ornaments for the year. I still have all of the Mary's Angels ornaments, plus some new series' like Snowball and Tuxedo (it's a big polar bear and a little penguin, it reminds me of Brian and me!) and Fairy Messengers (ignore the totally lame names) which my mom started buying for me. Here are the ornaments I bought for this year (in case anyone cares, which I kind of doubt):

Snowball and Tuxedo

Mary's Angels

Penguin guys. They don't have a name but I get one every year.

Waltz of the Snowflakes! (I got Sugar Plum Fairy last year. I have an unhealthy love for the Nutcracker).

Marigold Fairy

Those are just the Hallmark Ornaments. My mom also makes her own ornaments. Every year I get at least one new one. They're so pretty, so much intricate bead work and the fact that my mom makes them by hand makes them that much more special. This is the first one she ever made me, when she was pregnant with me. I took this photo from my tree two years ago:

OC 2k9 recap!

2009-07-14T17:44:00.005-04:00

I decided to close the store for the 4th of July weekend. (I know, it's already the 14th, where have I been??) That was sort of monumental since I'm a work-a-holic and have a serious guilt issue when it comes to closing. We went down Thursday night after having dinner for Kiera's birthday. We got there at around 3am after a long and never-ending car ride and everyone passed out.

Friday was spent at the beach, then home (E and Hope got there), then back to the beach for a non-existent bonfire (lighter fluid? oops.)

Saturday was spent at the beach again. We went to Assateague Island where there are wild horses. Who eat peoples' food and stomp on their blankets. We played a few rounds of dirty bags, read some magazines and went home. We went to Seacrets, everyone got prematurely wasted and we went home early. There was a ton of traffic leaving OC, I was with Brian, Brendan and Deirdre. We blasted A-Trak and had a car dance party. Sean and everyone else was still in traffic so we went to the Point, blasted house music and had an out-of-car dance party. Our second wind left us and we went back to the house.

Sunday we went to OC to walk on the boardwalk, went shopping, ate at Hoopers (giant seafood place!), went back to the house to pack and drove home.

It was exactly what I needed.

Sean and Bri on the beach, showing their love for each other.

Bri & Me @ Hooper's

Bri, Brendan, E, Hope and Sean @ Seacrets

All of us outside of the house.

I'm not really religious but this sign was posted in front of some religious sand sculptures. It's something I'm going to need to learn to embody when it comes to work.

Work, Dinner, Baseball

2009-06-29T15:03:00.004-04:00

Work has been so uncharacteristically busy lately. It usually slows down a bit around May and stays like that until September but it really hasn't happened yet (knock on wood). I'm not sure what's going to happen this year. Last year we noticed a slight increase over the summer so I'm assuming it will be the same this year. I wish it would slow down every so often, though. I know I shouldn't say that - being busy is good and I'm really enjoying being able to support my family, but for the sake of my mental health I do need a little bit of a rest now and then. I noticed it this weekend, I could really use two days off per week. At around 7pm on Sunday I had JUST started winding down from the work week. I could have definitely stayed in bed a little longer this morning and I would have loved to take care of some chores. I didn't get much done this weekend in the way of chores, as soon as the summer comes I just want to have fun on the weekends!

Speaking of fun and weekends, I, well, had a fun weekend. Saturday after work we drove to Staten Island for Brian's cousin Courtney's graduation party. I love his family. My family is so small so being around his big, loud, fun family is so great. The food was awesome, I got to have Ralph's (2nd best ices ever) and overall it was a nice day. Then we went to meet up with Danny and Naomi who also live on Staten Island. We hadn't seen them in at least a year or two so it was cool to catch up and see what they've been up to. They brought us to this place Palo Santo in Park Slope. We'd never been there before and didn't know what to expect. I was ridiculously impressed! First, it's a complete "hole-in-the-wall" place, but without being a hole-in-the-wall place. The restaurant itself is the first floor of a brownstone on a completely residential block. The decor is awesome. There's a garden in the back with a ton of stonework, a fountain and a banana tree (among other plant life). The bar and tables are awesome, they're made of solid wood with all different things imbedded in the surfaces.

For appetizers we ordered fresh tortillas and an avocado salad. Even though the salad is just sliced avocado with red onions, jalapenos and a vinegarette it was so fresh and delicious. I also ordered a cauliflower soup (absolutely amazing) and everyone else ordered the tilefish entree. I tried Brian's and I LOVED it. It is also a wine bar so Danny and Naomi ordered a bottle of wine and I had white wine sangria. Instead of the typical fruits there was zucchini and something that resembled pineapple but was firmer (I couldn't tell what it was, maybe lychee?). It had such a great and earthy flavor. Food-wise the chef (Jacques Gautier) focuses on fresh, locally grown and seasonal ingredients which I love. For dessert I ordered vanilla ice cream with strawberries, blueberries and local honey. The menu changes constantly so I will definitely be going back there again to try more of his food. Here is a promotional video for the restaurant.

Sunday started out awful. I got in a fight with my dad because he and I had conflicting ideas of what our plans were for the morning/afternoon. He wanted to go on the boat, yet he knew we had to go to Brooklyn in the afternoon to pick up Brian's cousin John before the baseball game. After going to their house and hearing him complain non-stop about how he didn't want to be there and how he's not happy unless he's on the boat (note: he had been on his boat for 10 straight months and claimed to have come home because he missed me) I left in a huff and went home and sat in the back. Just being able to sit by the water and spend time with my little garden calmed me down and alleviated some of my stress. I was still cranky, though, and couldn't really snap myself out of it for a few hours. Sean came over, I got ready and we left for Brooklyn. I forgot that the Gay Pride Parade was going on in the city. We got stuck in SO MUCH traffic. Driving down the west side by the village was cool, though (despite the traffic). It was nice to see so many people coming together and celebrating a lifestyle that is so often looked down upon. I'm very lucky that my mom raised me to be open-minded and accepting of everyone. I feel bad for people who are so angry and negative that they can't see past their own hate to realize that, underneath it all, we're all human and deserve to live freely any way we choose to.

We finally got to Brooklyn, picked up John, sat in a ridiculous amount of Belt/Van Wyck traffic. Here is B in traffic:

The game was SO good. It was such a close game the whole time and the Yankees won! We watched Mariano Rivera get his 500th career save which was awesome. We've witnessed a few Yankees milestones. Derek Jeter's first grand slam, Tino's comeback, Bernie William's last game at Yankee Stadium. I'm sure there have been more. Robinson Cano's first major league game (not a milestone but I love him so it was cool for me). Sean wasn't happy (he's a Mets fan) but he still had fun. This was my second game at Citi Field, now I need to go to the new Yankee Stadium!

The Hangover

2009-06-15T11:59:00.006-04:00

I saw the Hangover last night. If you haven't heard anything about it yet, let me be the first one to tell you that you have to see this movie. I don't think I stopped laughing for more than five minutes straight throughout the whole movie (spoiler: except for when I saw an Asian man's non-existent penis. Then I was quietly disgusted for a little while). Completely hilarious.

I love good comedies but they're pretty hard to find. They're either filled with jokes, comments and scenes about naked hot girls, which would probably be funny if I were part of the 15-60 year old male demographic, or they're just stupid, not really funny at all and just awkward. I love Judd Apatow for the most part and movies like Role Models, I Love You, Man, etc.

Anyway, The Hangover...totally worth seeing. Besides the rest of the ridiculous funny cast, it has one of my favorite actors, Bradley Cooper:
I read an interview with him awhile ago in Elle, not only is he really talented he seems like a good guy (the interviewer bothers me, though). I like how he always plays that friend, wing-man type of role. At least he did in "Failure to Launch". I know, I know, romantic comedies. I'm female, it happens.

New boat, Chinchilla babies, Dyson vacuums

2009-06-11T13:13:00.002-04:00

Last week was such a crazy and insane time. With the passing of my grandma I must have felt every emotion in the world. I was sad, stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, grateful, all at once. We had so many preparations to make but in the end it was all ok. I will get into all the details at a later date because I'm at work right now and don't want to make myself all upset. Instead, I will talk about the awesome weekend I had.

Saturday morning I had to work but afterwards Brian and I went to hang out with my mom. We went to Five Guys for lunch (mom had never experienced the amazingness that is Five Guys). Then, on the way, we got a call from my dad who was 20 minutes away. He had left Annapolis, MD with the boat that morning and made ridiculous time. We met him down at the club, checked out the boat (so did everyone else that was there) and hung around for awhile:

Then Sunday morning my dad took us out for a ride. It was apparently "River Day," because it is the Hudson River's quadricentennial so all the old ships were out. We saw the Half Moon, which is a replica of Henry Hudson's ship that originally discovered the Hudson River. It was fun just very crowded. This boat goes FAST, so it was annoying to navigate through all the other boats. We were going like 48 knots which was fun/scary. I do miss the slow, leisurely pace of a sailboat. After the boat we met up with Brian's parents for dinner. We went to one of our favorite places, Il Fresco. They have the best authentic Northern Italian food and the best drinks! I passed on the drinks, though, because for me sun+drinking=no. After dinner we got dessert and hung out a little bit in the backyard, then I got a call from a friend of mine from work.

She has two chinchillas who she had thought were both male. One morning she wakes up to find little chinchilla babies running around her house (they slipped through the bars). Oops. She found out I had Sammy and asked if I wanted a baby. They do live best in pairs, and I'd been thinking about getting him a friend for awhile now, so I said yes. We met up and she had brought both of them so I could choose. Seeing them both snuggled up together was the cutest thing ever, I couldn't break them up. So, I took both. Their names are Davis and Junior (get it, Sammy Davis Jr.?) and they are little monsters. Adorable monsters, but monsters nonetheless. When I go to leave the house in the morning, this is what Junior looks like:

He stands at the cage because he wants to play. It's so hard to leave when I have this little dude begging me to hang out. This is them sleeping together and being cute:

My mom accurately observed that my living room is beginning to look like a zoo. I have to keep Sammy in his cage and these guys in another right next to each other so they can check each other out for awhile. I have no idea if they're going to get along but we'll see how it goes.

Because of these new additions to my family I had to invest in a new vacuum. I had been borrowing my parents' for the winter but now that they're back and I have these little monsters it was definitely time for my own. I haven't actually owned my own vacuum since I lived in NJ and my roommate broke it within a week. Brian and I went to the store, we had an awesome sales kid who showed us all the different models and features. Honestly I felt like I was buying a new car with all the information he was giving us. We left with a Dyson DC25Animal, which is almost as good as a new car. I'm in love with it.

After using it my house looked seriously CLEAN. It hadn't ever looked that good with my parents' vacuum! I'm sold.

Plans and Preparations

2009-05-30T12:31:00.004-04:00

Since my mom isn't back in NY yet, I've had to stand in for her as far as organizing and planning go. Last night after work I met my aunt at the nursing home and we cleaned out my grandma's room. I'm actually glad that we're the ones who did it because my mom would've had a really hard time with it. We left most of her things in bags so my mom can go through them when she gets home, that way she doesn't feel left out. It took us almost four hours but we got it done and I know we did it right. We donated a lot of the clothes and nightgowns to the nursing home for other patients and kept all the important and sentimental stuff. I had a few "moments" but overall I've been mature about it. Sean said I'm handling it VERY well which was nice to hear, he's seen me all emotional before so he knows what I can get like. After that my aunt and I drove over to my grandpa's to drop everything off and also I wanted to see how he was doing. JR came over and brought us all pizza which was really nice. We had realized after we finished cleaning that it was 10pm and neither of us had eaten all day. I left there around 11:30pm and went home. I called my mom and booked her flights to come home, I'm picking her up at the airport at 5pm today. I have tickets to see Mos Def and Talib Kweli tonight but I don't know what to do about that. I've been looking forward to it for awhile but it starts at 8pm and it's in Times Square. I'll probably be back from the airport at around 6pm but I want to be there for my mom if she needs me. I'm still undecided (I know I have to decide quick if I want to give any of my friends the tickets) and that's sort of stressing me out. I don't know what to do.

These kinds of days are hard, they take a lot out of you but I can sleep well at night knowing that I'm doing my best for my family.

5 years

2009-05-29T13:27:00.006-04:00

I was reading my old journal this morning and found an entry from 5 years ago. My grandma was in the hospital, they had just put her respirator on. My dad had just come home from getting his boat (the Nordhavn) in Florida. It seems like so long ago but it was only 5 years. What's crazy about it is that we've come full circle. This week has mirrored that week almost exactly.

Tuesday morning I got a call from my grandpa asking me to check on my grandma before work because she had come down with pneumonia in the nursing home. I called first and the nurses said she was fine, on antibiotics and resting so I shouldn't come. 20 minutes later I got a phone call from my grandpa saying, pretty much, wtf she's going to the hospital, how is she fine?? Then at 4am they brought her back from the hospital to the nursing home, so I went to check on her before work. She just seemed really tired and drained, which I understood because she'd been all over the place the day (and night) before and was fighting something. Then that night (Wednesday) my aunt called me to say the nurses didn't think she'd make it through the night and we should go and be with her. I went, she looked awful, she was totally unresponsive. It was really hard to deal with but I was glad to be there for her. We stayed until 1:00am then went home to try and sleep. They moved her back to the hospital yesterday, diagnosed her with pneumonia AND a staff infection in her blood. I went to see her after work and she seemed to be doing better. Her hands and feet weren't freezing cold like they were the night before, she was moving around in bed, and they had an actual diagnosis this time. She was on an iv with fluids and antibiotics and the nurse seemed very positive. I'm going to see her tonight after work, hopefully she's doing even better today.

My parents are around North Carolina right now with the boat. They're bringing the Intrepid up to NY from Florida. My mom is so sad and I know she feels an immense amount of guilt for not being here, which she shouldn't. I hope she knows that this isn't her fault and nothing would change if she were here or not.

My mom just called me to let me know that my grandma had passed away. I didn't know if I should delete this whole entry or not, but I figure proper documentation is important so I'm leaving it as is. It's surprising because after last night I was so hopeful but I guess she took a turn for the worse. I'm sad, but grateful for the time we spent together.

Dressing your age?

2009-05-22T15:03:00.006-04:00

About a month ago I was sitting at my friend Sean's house, talking to my friends Craig and Mairead. Craig mentioned something about being on a "dressing my age" kick and how he just bought a bunch of new polo shirts. He also said that B and Sean don't dress their age because they wear t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, hats, etc. (I believe he made a comparison to rappers somewhere in there, too). There are a few reasons why that was funny based on his own fashion tendencies (one word: heely's), but that's not what got me thinking. I have a bunch of customers at work who are in their 30's and 40's and dress the same as Brian. My dad even dresses like younger guys, wearing Abercrombie shorts and plain t-shirts from Banana Republic. Is any guy over the age of 24 who dresses casually considered to be an immature dresser?

Admittedly, Brian does NOT dress up. He has a bunch of polo shirts but they're "cool" polo shirts (Polo, Crooks and Castles, etc.). He has a pair of khaki's somewhere. He has one pair of non-sneakers (if you're not counting Timbs and Nike ACG's) which he affectionately refers to as his "funeral shoes". He has a suit, which makes an appearance about once every year or two when someone gets married and stays stuffed in a bag in the back of the closet in between. Even at weddings he puts his own casual spin on things, like at our friends' when he wore a suit with Nike Supreme Blazers and a Brooklyn Dodgers hat.

Until maybe last year I've had a complete identity crisis when it comes to how to dress. I'm 25 but I definitely lean towards a younger style of dressing. My job doesn't help, unless I want to ruin nice clothes/shoes I'm forced to dress in jeans and t-shirts and hoodies. I sometimes push it a little (like today, I'm wearing gold sandals and a nicer tank top):

...but I try and keep my nice clothes nice.

It's not easy being a 20-something. Are we kids still? Are we stuffy grown-ups? It's a very in-between age group. The brand I fight with the most is Victoria's Secret PINK. It's obviously aimed toward high school/college-aged girls. I have a bunch of their sweatpants (which I don't really wear outside) and a few hoodies, but sometimes I question it, like "Am I too old to be wearing this stuff?" I don't FEEL too old, but then when I see 12-year-old girls wearing the same clothes as me it's weird. I feel like one of those 50-year-old moms I see wearing Juicy tracksuits who just refuse to admit they're not teenagers. All that aside, I recently decided that I don't really care anymore. That I'm just going to wear what I like and if I get judged (or carded for a lotto ticket) then so be it. I will proudly wear one of my three Hello Kitty shirts out in public with no remorse.

My weekend (and week), new car, gardening

2009-05-21T16:38:00.006-04:00

This week has been so awesome! My parents came back late Sunday night and we hung out every day they were here. They came by the shop to check out what we've been up to, my dad had nothing but good things to say about everything! So relieving. I don't think working together will be easy in the future but we'll see how things go.

The first day they were here they hung out at the shop the whole day then we went out to eat at this place that describes themselves as "Where Maine meets Memphis". It was seafood and bbq, strange combo but the food was delicious. My dad came over our apartment and watched some baseball and bs'd for awhile.

The next night we had my mom over so she could watch the finale of American Idol (don't judge, their tv was out) and got pizza. My dad got hungry so he came over later.

Then yesterday I went with my mom in the morning to do bank stuff, hung out at the store, then after work my dad and I drove to White Plains so I could look at a car and he could sign my old car over for a trade-in. I've been wanting to buy a new car for awhile now but I've been putting it off so I could save more money. Lately, though, my car has been getting to me. Little things keep going wrong, it has started making all these weird noises that nobody can figure out and it's just time to get a new one. We worked out a very decent price on a lease and if all goes well with financing (it's SO damn hard to get a loan right now) I will have it within a week! I'm very excited but I don't want to say anything yet because it hasn't been finalized. We went back over to their house after for some sushi and hung around talking for hours. It was great. We went home, Brendan came over for awhile and after he left I passed out on the couch.

Today they left to go back down to Florida. My dad has to meet with an old friend and get the boat to take back up to NY. If this week is any sign of what the summer will be like, I seriously can't wait. Now tonight Brian's parents are coming up to get dinner and hang out. I'm really excited because we haven't seen them since Mother's Day.

Sean comes home from Jamaica tomorrow, then it's Memorial Day weekend! I'm gonna keep the place open on Saturday (we close at 3pm so it doesn't infringe too much) and then close Monday (what's up 2-day weekend??) which will be a very welcome day off. I don't have any plans yet, except we're going to Brooklyn for a BBQ on Sunday. Brian's aunt invited Sean, too, so it should be a good time (I don't know if he can come yet). If I get a chance I really want to do some gardening on Saturday. I started all those seeds at the end of April and they're SO ready to be put outside:

I can't believe my zucchini already has flowers and baby zucchini's!

Parents!

2009-05-16T19:33:00.001-04:00

I just talked to my mom! They're in Georgia! They should be back in NY late tomorrow night. I'm so excited!

B's birthday, Mother's Day and my parents.

2009-05-16T18:08:00.008-04:00

Last Saturday after work Brian and I celebrated his birthday (his 26th birthday, such an old man!). I was trying to come up with a good place to go all week and I totally couldn't come up with anything. We always go into the city and do something we don't usually do but I wanted to change it up a little. We had wanted to try this restaurant Houston's for awhile, it's in Riverside Square in NJ. He also wanted a bag/briefcase for work (or a man-purse, as I call it, which he loves), so I figured there were enough stores there where I could find one for his bratty ass. I say that because he didn't want just ANY man-purse, it had to be a fancy, ridiculously overpriced man-purse. Anyway. Fast forward to no stores having anything he liked, but me buying myself a new bag instead (happy birthday). Also fast forward to the wait at Houston's being an hour and 45 minutes. What. As disappointed as we were, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. We wandered around and decided to go to Morton's, which we didn't even know was there. The food was insanely good. First they bring out this delicious monster onion bread. For appetizers I got lobster bisque, B got onion soup, both were outrageous. For our meals I got a small filet, he got a NY strip and we shared cajun spiced macaroni and cheese. Definitely on my top-5-steaks-ever list. Seriously delicious. All in all it was actually a really good day. We had a lot of fun together and were so happy all day. I gave him his gifts later that night:

Mighty Healthy Capone and Noreaga t-shirt

Undrcrwn t-shirt

Ralph Lauren Polo

Another Ralph Lauren Polo

I got him a pair of Polo camo shorts, too, but somehow we misjudged the length. They are the definition of short shorts. They're terrible, I'm returning them this week. As for his man-purse, we went shopping during the week and I got him this:

Yes, it's LV. Yes, he's a brat. He's my brat, though, and he's worked very hard this year. He deserves something nice that he wants and will use. I just hope he feels the same on my birthday (wink, wink).

His birthday also happened to fall on Mother's Day. His whole family came up here for brunch at the 76 House (also on my top-5-steaks-ever list). The meal was very good and it was great to see everyone. The whole time I was missing my mom, though. The night before I sent her a cheesy e-card that made me completely hysterical. This is my first mother's day without her! I was so sad. I got to talk to her, though, and I got to see my grandma. She was all mad at my mom for not being around but she was also happy because Brian and I went to see her, and before that my Uncle George and grandpa went to see her. I gave her a pretty orchid (fake, of course, because of her breathing she can't have real flowers but it was a really, really nice fake one) and some chocolate. She loves her chocolate, she opened them and dug in while we were there still. Afterwards we went to see my grandpa and hung out with him for a few hours. It was nice day, I just wish my mom were around for it.

I talked to her last night, actually, and they said they might drive up for a few days to avoid the bad weather in Florida and deal with some financial things. I REALLY hope they do, but I'm not getting my hopes up. They tend to cancel plans as fast as they make them. If there's one thing I've learned about my parents over the years, it's to be flexible. At least with them. We'll see, though, hopefully they stick with this one because I miss them!

Borgata, Gwen and No Doubt, lilacs

2009-05-05T17:31:00.005-04:00

This weekend was literally exactly what I needed. Atlantic City was fabulous. After stopping in central NJ at a rest-stop (or, affectionately known as, the land of blow-outs and Affliction/Ed Hardy gear) and gorging ourselves on fast food heaven (aka: Burger King), we arrived at our destination at around 7pm. We met up with our friends and checked out the suite, which was, for all intents and purposes, totally awesome. I got into my girls-night-out outfit and touched up my hair and makeup and was all ready to go. Christine, Nicole and I left the guys and went to the concert. We got there right in time to see the last song of the opening band. I don't know their name but the "cute" Hanson brother and James Iha from the Smashing Pumpkins are in it. They were "eh". We made our way to the front of the crowd, apparently general admission doesn't mean that to some people. We got into it with these girls by the front of the stage who were mad that they weren't the only ones there. Whatever. Anyway, the show. No Doubt played so many Tragic Kingdom songs! It was awesome. They did most of the best songs from the rest of their albums, too. Gwen looked and sounded like she did when I was in middle school! I can't believe this was their first show ever in 5 years. It was incredible. We sang and drank and danced the whole time. They went off the stage, then came back to do Rocksteady, Different People and then closed out the show with Sunday Morning. We stopped at the booth afterwards and bought t-shirts. I found this photo of the merch on some messageboard (of course I left my camera in the room, oh well!):

I got the middle shirt. It says Just a Girl down the side and has the whole band on the back. I love that it's checkerboard print, it brings me back to my ska days! Don't even get me started on that! Haha.

Well, while we were having a great time at the show, the boys were playing poker. I don't think anyone did too well. I didn't play poker (I'm a wuss about it) but the next morning I played a little roulette. If you get a good table it's a quick way to win some money. I walked away 15 minutes later up $70. Nice! At breakfast I found out that Gwen was partying at Mur.Mur after the show! We were all gonna go but we got tired pretty early. We went back to the room at like 1:45am and went to bed. Boring, I know, and we missed out on hanging with the band but whatever. There's always next time?? Maybe?

On the drive home I saw so many lilac trees! I LOVE lilacs. They remind me so much of my mom. When I was younger we used to drive around a lot. This time of year if we saw any lilacs growing on public-ish property, we would jump out of the car, steal some and drive away. When I lived in Brooklyn there was a huge lilac tree outside of my building (yes, trees really do grow in Brooklyn) so I would cut a few off every couple of weeks and my apartment would smell delicious (that's also how I found out that Brian's allergic to lilacs...oops). I'd bring some to my mom, too. I miss her a lot, I want to go find some lilacs and cut them in her honor. I talked to my dad yesterday and he said they should be home by Memorial Day, and that's only 2 1/2 weeks away. I can handle that. I just wish she were here for Mother's Day, I always love hanging out with her, going to see my grandma and just doing the whole mother-daughter thing.

Online Shopping Spree

2009-05-02T13:05:00.006-04:00

I'm not much of an online shopper. I prefer to go to the store, look around, try things on, pay cash. I'm VERY hesitant to buy clothes online. I am convinced that I am shaped weird or something because things hardly EVER fit me. This week, however, I found so many things online that I love! With the way we've been working, we've had zero time to do anything. So, I bought myself a few things. Brian's birthday is coming up (the 10th) so I also bought him a few things, but I'm not posting them because he might read this.

I've been on a quest to find the perfect casual summery dress. I hope this one fits me because I love it! It's called the Blanca dress and it's made by Ella Moss. I love her!

Another Ella Moss shirt. This to me is my perfect "throw my messy curly hair on top of my head, put on some sunglasses and go on the boat" shirt! At least that's how I envisioned myself wearing it. Yeah, this embodies how I've been feeling lately. I just want to chill out, have fun and forget work. This is from Rogue Status, one of B's favorite brands.

I love Marc Jacobs' splashes! Ever year he comes out with a new set of scents that are clean and natural, perfect for the summer. Last year I bought the Pear one, which I wear practically every day and I'm not even half way finished with the bottle. I was shopping last week and sprayed some of the new Cucumber one on me and fell in love with it. I ordered it from Sephora.

I am in desperate need of a new makeup bag. I hate to get rid of the one I have (it's Tenorikuma from Sanrio, I love it!) but it got pretty dirty from sitting at the bottom of my bags. So I got a silver metallic one from Sephora. It's so hard to find one that's the perfect size! I have this one Stila eyeshadow pallet that's just oddly shaped and doesn't fit in most, so hopefully this one is good.

I'm a member of this sample sale website, Gilt (it's invitation only, if you want an invitation leave me a comment with your email address) and they had a Voluspa sale this week. I got a set of 4 of this cute ceramic jar candles for $32, normally they're $64!

One more Ella Moss shirt. I love this style and I love green!

Work, Monster Coffee & Atlantic City

2009-05-02T11:58:00.004-04:00

So here I am on day 13 in a row of work. I didn't really think it would affect me so much but, let me tell you, I'm f'ing exhausted. Seriously, I've been falling asleep on the couch like every night this week. Sean came over on Thursday and both me and Bri fell asleep! Such boring friends. The store looks good, though, and it was completely worth it. I just won't be doing it again any time soon.

Besides being completely tired physically, work has been so emotionally draining. It picked back up at the beginning of the week, then slowed down in the middle, now it's sort of in between slow and busy. It's so unpredictable! Then, yesterday, one of the worst days ever. One of our competitors stole an entire shipment of ours, that I need for a really big special order today. I called the guy and tried to be a human, I told him I need the products and I'm sending someone up there to pick them up. He told me rented a van and drove them to Pennsylvania (BS), lied to me, then told me that he's busy and doesn't have time for this. I've never met a worse person in all of my life. All the people involved, my distributor, the manufacturers, the trucking company...they're all fuming mad at this guy. Hopefully it will negatively affect their business relationship. My distributor already told him that she won't ship to their NY location anymore (they have multiple stores). I asked my dad's advice and he said I should call our lawyer and see if there are any actual legal ramifications. The only thing that could make this sort of better is if the guys don't show up today to pick up.

Besides that, work has been good. It's been slow this morning. Brian went to the best bagel place in the world to get me a plain bagel with olive cream cheese and a monster iced coffee. It comes in a quart take-out container. This is me last Sunday, completely messy and exhausted before work with my biggest coffee ever:

Only 3 and half more hours then we're leaving for AC! I'm so ridiculously excited! I can't wait to see No Doubt, go shopping, eat at an awesome restaurant (we're thinking Bobby Flay's) and go out to a club. Christine texted me yesterday to tell me the club dress code is pretty strict. B is a t-shirt, hoodies, jeans, hat type of guy, so we had to go to the mall and cop him some club clothes. He was gonna try to get away with dark jeans and Timbs but Brendan tried doing that last time and it didn't work. So we made a long stop at the Polo Ralph Lauren section (like he needs more polos...all of his are in the laundry, though), I watched him try on (and vetoed) ugly Wallabees (they're not all ugly, just the ones he wanted) and got some cheap Old Navy "pants" (and I made him get some cute bathing suits, too). It's actually crazy that Brian doesn't own any "pants," except for the ones that are part of his suit. Yes, singular suit. Oh and the shoes he's wearing are his "funeral shoes". He has one pair of non-sneakers/non-Timbs, and he wears them to funerals, weddings (except for when he wears his Supreme Nike Blazers, like he did to Eleni's wedding) and Sweet 16's (yes, we still go to Sweet 16's...he has like 34923048 cousins). Everything is good, though and we're all ready to leave. Just a couple more hours of work and we're gone!

Parents and Boats

2009-04-29T13:51:00.004-04:00

I received the newest email in my parents' series of cruising updates. I love reading about everything they've been doing and their feelings on the trip. Even though I talk to them fairly regularly, it's nice to see it all in writing - I get to see a side of them that I don't normally see. As of last week they've been in Miami. Even though they're all the way down there, it's great to have them back in the states. It feels so much closer just being in the same country. We've been talking and they've decided to leave the boat in Florida for the summer, which I understand (NY-FL is such a long and expensive trip to take, with not too much to see) but of course it made me sad. To me, summer=being on the boat. I love it. Well, my dad is apparently "in the same boat" (hah?) as me and decided to get a smaller boat to keep up in NY. He called me last Sunday asking how the business is doing in his absence. After much assuring he asked, "So I can get my fishing boat then?" I said yes, then Monday I got the call that he put in an offer on one. He's insane. We got bank approval yesterday so it's official. The boat a 31' Intrepid 310 Walk Around. We've never had a power boat like this before, only sailboats until he got the Nordhavn, so this is new and exciting. He said he wants to teach me and B all we need to know and then when he's away it will be ours. What. We will have our own boat. Insane. I feel ok about it, though, because we've been working our asses off! We've definitely earned it. Here are some photos from the brokerage site:

Workaholic!

2009-04-26T20:42:00.005-04:00

This weekend has been absolutely gorgeous! 80+ degrees in April, this is definitely my kind of weather! Unfortunately we spent most of it working. It was our choice, though. We stayed all day yesterday and came in for about 6 hours today. I ordered a couple of shelving units from ULINE on Thursday and they came Friday (love ULINE!) so B put them all together and we rearranged EVERYTHING. Well, almost everything. We still have the very front of the store, the back room and behind the counter to organize but the whole front showroom looks like a completely different store! It's amazing what a little bit of organization can do. Also 2 of my sunflowers opened up on Saturday! I've been working so hard I haven't had a chance to take photos but I definitely will tomorrow. My mom asked me to send her some, too, so I have to.

So, tomorrow's work again. Let's hear it for 13 days of work in a row! Woo! At least next Saturday I'm leaving work at 3pm and then heading down to Atlantic City for a little bit of relaxing. Or partying and gambling. Whatever. Oh and this:

When I first found out about the No Doubt tour I was so excited. I wasn't sure if I would actually end up going, though. A few weeks ago I was talking to my friend Christine and she told me her and Nicole were going down for the weekend and staying at her mom's suite (her mom is a serious baller at A.C.). I wasn't sure if it would work out with work and all but I got lucky and it's on a Saturday night. So now a bunch of us are going and it's going to be awesome!

So that's 2 things I can cross off my list:

1. Redesign the store.

39. Go see a live music performance by someone I've never seen before.

And, actually now that I'm looking at it, I can also cross off:

10. Start all of my veggie seeds. (I did that on Earth Day)

40. Go back to California. (well, I haven't actually gone back yet, but I booked my trip to San Francisco! I'm going with Bri for a weekend, we're going to a convention for work but that's only one day so we have time to play and explore. Plus the convention will be fun, I'll get to meet all my west coast friends I deal with for work).

46. Take care of our banana tree. (I flushed it and gave it all new food and with the temperature and humidity going crazy it's doing really well!)

47. Get a hose for our new spigot at work. (I just need to hook it up, it's been in Bri's trunk for the past week)

I still have a bunch more to go!

Citi Field

2009-04-25T15:45:00.004-04:00

Last night Brian and I went to the new Citi Field to see the Mets. First let me say that I'm a Yankee's fan first, a Mets fan second. Brian's uncle owns a construction company and helped build both the new Yankee Stadium and Citi Field. I haven't been to Yankee Stadium yet but I am in love with the new Mets stadium! They have so many great food places, his uncle's seats are AWESOME (not that they weren't in previous years but now they're 5 rows from the field...in right field, which made me nervous but you can see EVERYTHING), and the overall aesthetics are so cool. There's a huge outdoor area like at Cyclones Stadium in Brooklyn (the Cyclones are one of the Mets' farm teams). I went down with Bri after work and met up with Sean, Craig, Brendan, Matty and Christine. We had such a good time. Plus, the Mets won! That's always a bonus.

Also, I realize I've never posted a picture of me or B before. This probably shouldn't be the first one, because he sort of looks like a psychopath and I look like I want to eat his face. Oh well.

Today is Earth Day!

2009-04-22T13:54:00.002-04:00

Plant something!

Today I started a bunch of my seeds. Except for my super beefsteak tomatoes and cherry tomatoes, I started 6 of every seed. Just enough so I can keep a few plants and have a few to give away to my grandpa and customers (given they all come up, which they probably won't). If I get stuck with any leftovers I will donate them to the community garden, along with some organic fertilizer I got samples of.

I love seeing what people and companies are focusing on this Earth Day.

Anthropologie is focusing on the fight to save the honey bees.

Fresh is offering a sale on their most popular natural products, and donating 10% of the proceeds to the Climate Group, who work to keep the environment and local climates intact.

Many clothing companies or clothing-sales websites are offering styles that use organic cotton and natural dyes.

Whole Foods paired up with (and donated to) the Natural Resources Defence Council and its Simple Steps program to design an 80% recycled, reusable lunch bag, which you can get for free with this coupon until April 26th.

D-Day: 10 hours, 4 minutes, 24 seconds

2009-04-11T13:52:00.003-04:00

Lent will be over. My chocolate eating will commence. It will be glorious.

To-Do List

2009-04-11T11:55:00.011-04:00

I was reading your wishcake (who, by the way, I'm convinced is my west coast doppleganger) and this post totally motivated me to make a to-do list and stick to it! I'm not doing the whole "101 things in 1001 days" part, but I do want to make a list of things I want to do and cross them off as I go. I guess I'll give myself until the end of 2009 to do all of these things, although some of them are definitely immediate future.

1. ~~Redesign the store.~~

2. Finish scrapbook for Brian's parents' wedding.

3. Rake my parents' backyard and weed the planters. (This ended up not being necessary).

4. Plant veggies and flowers in said planters. (See above.)

5. Find nice prints and have them framed.

6. ~~Re-pot my cactus.~~

7. ~~Find someone to design our website~~ and put the web store up.

8. ~~Find an artist to make digital images for the warehouse windows.~~

9. ~~Buy pretty flower pots and plant my bulbs~~.

10. ~~Start all of my veggie seeds.~~

11. ~~Get rid of goodwill box in kitchen.~~ (and yet there is already another)

12. Find out fees for farmers markets and try and sell seedlings. (I changed my mind).

~~13. Buy a new car.~~

14. Clean the office.

15. Hang up prints I have in the office.

~~16. File all of my parents' bills/statements.~~

~~17. Clean my parents' house so it's nice for them when they get back.~~

18. Go to New Paltz and explore with Brian.

19. Visit the Science Barge in Yonkers.

20. Go to John's Pizza with my parents at least twice. (I brought them John's when my dad was sick, does that count?)

21. ~~Buy a cute summer dress.~~ ~~And wear it.~~

22. ~~Go to the new Yankee Stadium.~~ (So many times, plus for when they won the World Series!!!)

23. Go to the city for dinner to a place I've never been before on a weeknight.

24. Finish knitting Brian's scarf that I started 2 years ago.

25. Finish hemming curtains.

26. ~~Buy curtains for the kitchen.~~

27. Choose photos for 3X frame, print them and crop them.

~~28. Buy good box for winter/summer clothes storage and actually use it.~~

~~29. Dine al fresco.~~

30. Spend an entire Sunday wandering around our town taking photos.

31. Get glasses.

32. Remember to make a "Day in the Life of..." photo post.

33. Be serious about getting my hair dyed regularly to avoid self-loathing.

34. Write more. I don't know how to hold myself to that because sometimes I'm just not feeling it, but I want to try.

35. Go to Zabar's with my parents on a Sunday morning.

36. Go fishing.

37. Wake up an hour earlier than normal for a full week.

38. Get to a point where both Brian and I have only one basket full of dirty laundry at a time.

39. ~~Go see a live music performance by someone I've never seen before.~~

40. ~~Go back to California.~~

41. Go for a mani/pedi.

42. BBQ more.

43. Have a backyard party on a Sunday.

44. Find a new secluded beach to go to, and go.

45. ~~Have a picnic.~~ (Worst idea ever, by the way)

46. ~~Take care of our banana tree.~~

47. ~~Get a hose for our new spigot at work.~~

48. Read the books I've been collecting over the past year.

49. ~~Get a new phone.~~ iPhone, bitches!

50. Get my legs professionally waxed.

51. Cook at least one full meal for Brian and I.

52. Go to Mitsuwa.

53. Change the fluorescent bulbs in the warehouse.

54. Take my mom's car out of storage and drive it. (She did this herself).

55. ~~Buy a new winter jacket.~~ Leatha (says Stella from Project Runway) Michael Kors @ Woodbury!

56. Make a new window display for the store.

57. Take more pictures this summer.

58. Find a shelf/cubby-hole for the bathroom, and if I can't find one, make one.

59. Spend more time in the backyard this summer.

~~60. MAYBE get a new friend for Sammy.~~ (I got two!)

61. Make cucumber lime water in the summer.

Happy Hour(s)

2009-04-08T16:35:00.002-04:00

The other morning Brian and I were watching the news and they had a feature on a local business. A couple owned a Japanese restaurant and got so much good feedback on their drinks that they decided to bottle them and open up a vodka company. It's called Me Oko and they specialize in fruit-infused vodka. Right now they make strawberry and ginger. I really wanted to try the strawberry so at about 4pm on Monday I went to the local wine store and picked up a bottle. Standing at the counter a flood of concoctions came to mind, such as Strawberry and Banana, so I bought some 99 Bananas, too. I brought it back to work and tried it and it was delicious! The strawberry vodka works really well with Sprite, too. So good!

Sunflower Progress and Gardening Ambitions

2009-04-08T12:38:00.009-04:00

So...my sunflowers. I have been SLACKING. Completely. I honestly can't believe how much they've grown and how fast! I took this picture about 5 minutes ago: I know it's not that great of a shot, I took it with an iPhone. I brought my Nikon with me today to take some photos but I left my USB cord home. I'll upload them soon, though. Anyway, so tomorrow will be a full six weeks from seed. If you look at my first post about them and look at them now it's crazy. Most of them have the beginnings of flowers which is awesome. I turned the lights back to 12 on / 12 off about 2 weeks ago which is generally how long it takes them to realize the days are getting shorter. With the peppers I did in the fall it only took 2 days before they started putting out flowers which was insane, that was a record for me.

As excited as I am for the outdoor season to start, I LOVE gardening indoors. You have so much more of a controlled environment. Even the environment in the store is too uncontrollable for me. The door is always opening, there is so much glass in the front window that I can't really control the photo period 100%, people can bring in pests on their clothing, there are so many things that can happen. Plus I don't have enough space to do everything I want. I have so many seeds I want to start (ok so maybe not the corn...that's a little bit too ambitious for me, that was an impulse buy): ...but with the sunflowers going they're taking up all the free space I have for displays. I can't wait until I own a house so I can dedicate an area or even build an area in the back for an indoor garden. I'm too impatient to wait for the spring.

I even bought some bulbs this year, white and blush calla lilies and pink and yellow dahlias:

I've never done bulbs before. My mom has but she's still down in the Bahamas so I can't have her help me plant them. The good thing is, she's away so I have room in her backyard to garden without her stopping me. I've read a couple of good articles about it, though, and hopefully everything will turn out ok.

The Get Up Kids

2009-04-06T12:50:00.005-04:00

When I was in high school I thought I was the most punk rock person ever, and was completely anti-emo. Emo music had just become popular...and by "emo" I mean bands like the Get Up Kids, Saves the Day, the Anniversary, etc...not actual emo bands (think Rites of Spring), more like pop punk. But hey, whatever, I was 16. Anyway, all my punk friends, who previously wore band t-shirts and had spikey hair, started wearing tight jeans and vintage Good Will/Salvation Army t-shirts (this was before shirts were being made to look vintage). I totally made fun of them and boycotted that music. Until I actually listened to the Get Up Kids. What first attracted me to them were the lyrics. They were intelligent and well-written. They were emotional and struck a chord with my awkward, confused, post-pubescent teenage-girl self. I could identify a song with every boy I liked ("You're barely missing me, I'm missing you and everything you do"), every ex-boyfriend I had ("It's easier to say it's over. It's easier, but I might still be pretending"), ex-friends ("Forgive me for running off to find the one thing I have to do"). My best friend moved to Massachusetts for college so lyric-wise "Stay Gold, Ponyboy" was an obvious choice but the title, "A New Found Interest in Massachusetts" worked, too.

Even after being completely over the punk/hardcore/indie/whatever music scenes I still could put on a TGUK cd and it would bring me right back to when I heard it for the first time. Even "Never You Mind" by the New Amsterdams (TGUK's singer Matt Pryor's acoustic project) is still on my iPod.

I just found out that The Get Up Kids are playing in NY on May 1st. I tried to get tickets and they're all sold out. I'm trying every way I can to get them still, though, because I've never had a chance to see them live. B is pretty much refusing to go with me, even though I know he likes them, which sucks because I don't know who I'd go with. I secretly know he'll say ok once I buy the tickets anyway (well, at least I hope he will).

My favorite Get Up Kids song, "Forgive and Forget" from the Red Letter Day EP

Dinner, friends, work, music

2009-04-04T12:45:00.006-04:00

Lobster dinner last night was a success! It was so good and I think I might still be full. I was a little nervous because the place got some not so good reviews but our experience was much better! Afterwards we went over to Craig's house and hung out for awhile.

Apples to Apples, hookah, drinks (not for me, though), many almost-dance-parties

Today is my short day at work, which usually puts me in a good mood. I would be, except it's still all dark, windy, rainy and gloomy out, plus I still haven't really woken up yet. I was SO out of it last night, I came home and passed out on the couch, waking up this morning at 9:30am like, "Where am I?" and I'm still a little groggy. I hate that feeling. At the moment I'm not too motivated to do much after work. Usually I mentally plan out my weekends but I have no idea what I want to do. I know tomorrow we're going to Staten Island to see B's family for Palm Sunday, but today I guess we're going to have to play by ear.

Right now I'm just sitting here at work listening to the new Diz Gibran album. It's surprisingly decent. I really like the songs CityLights and Calypso Flow. We should technically be closed right now but I'm waiting for someone who's stuck in traffic. He actually writes songs for a bunch of hip hop artists in the NY area (some popular ones but I'm not trying to blow up spots) and last time I saw him he said he'd bring me a cd. I hope so, I am in desperate need of some new music.

Weekly purchases & wish list

2009-04-03T12:15:00.009-04:00

This week I did a little bit of online shopping (I usually don't because I'm impatient and hate waiting for things to get to me) and everything just came this morning. It's not a lot but they make me happy:

Chanel Robertson nail polish collection. The only one I didn't buy is the purple one (Rodeo Drive).

Hellz Bellz Hermes logo t-shirt.

I have a "Wists" page, which is like an online wish list that you can link items from any site (except Crate & Barrel, I've figured out that you can't link them). Here are some of my current wists (my wists tend to be more like delusions but hey, whatever):

Cirrus bedding from Anthropologie. I just need the sheet sets, I already have the duvet and the shams.

Christian Louboutin espadrilles.
Plaid tunic from Anthropologie.

Ruehl t-shirts with their famous Frenchy Trubble on them. Especially the one with the mustache.

Loungefly keycaps with food on them.

Cute kitschy t-shirts.

Work week, lobster dinner

2009-04-03T11:41:00.004-04:00

This past week has been pretty much all work and no play. Last night was the first night that we did something after work besides going home and passing out (Wednesday we both fell asleep on the couch at 7pm). Sean's parents invited us over for dinner, which is one of my favorite things ever. They make the best homecooked meals. It totally makes me miss my mom but it's really nice because it reminds me of her, too. Last night they made London Broil, grilled onions and mushrooms, baked potatoes and salad. It's crazy how something so basic can be so delicious and comforting. Afterwards Sean came back to our house and we just hung out and watched TV.

This morning has been such a "blah" morning so far. It's raining, my hair hates it, work has been slow, I had to park in the lot. Tonight at least should be fun. It's the last night of Restaurant Week so a bunch of us are going out for a big seafood dinner (still no-meat Fridays). Restaurant Week is where a lot of local restaurants that are usually kind of pricey make up three course prix fixe menus for an affordable price. Their lunch menus are all $20.09 and the dinners are $28.09. The place we're going is across the river (I love going to new restaurants in towns I've never been to) and I already know what I'm getting. Lobster bisque for an appetizer, broiled lobster tail for an entree and cheesecake for dessert. At least that's what I'm planning for. That might all change once I get there.

Summer Shoes

2009-03-31T16:36:00.005-04:00

I love summer. It is my #1 favorite season. Unfortunately in NY summer is way too short, which means that I look forward to it for 9 months out of the year. Ok, I'm exaggerating, I can handle the end of spring and the beginning of fall. So 7 months.

I love summer clothes. I love tank tops, t-shirts, short jeans, dresses. Along with clothes comes shoes! I LOVE summer shoes!

Last night I had to run to the mall to pick up some stuff for work and stopped by Journey's. First of all, they have the douchiest kids working there. I asked a guy for a size and he goes, "No we don't have those shoes." So I stare at him blankly. Then he says, "Just kidding, what size do you need?" After I just told him. Sorry, you're not weird or different or unique, you're just a kid working at the mall. Anyway.

I bought these:

and these:

I'm not really a Roxy type of girl (I don't know what that means, I just don't have anything else that's Roxy) but I thought the seersucker-like material was really cute. And Vans are classic. When I was out in San Francisco last Spring I went shopping with B to all his sneaker and clothing stores and ended up buying a pair of black and white plaid KVD's (they're like the Vans slip-ons but more low-profile and girlier) at HUF. I love them because they're light and casual, so they're perfect for my job or, if I can keep them clean enough (everything I wear to work gets gross), for just hanging out.

I've been looking for new sandals and other cute summer shoes but most of the stores don't have too many out yet. I always do this, buy everything really early in the season and save it all up for when it's actually warm. Which is a long ways away considering I'm wearing knee socks and layers today.

Sundays! Jewish Deli / Shopping / Movies

2009-03-29T19:24:00.005-04:00

This morning we woke up at the early hour of 11:30am (Oh how I lovvvve Sundays) and made tons of plans. Plans that included going to Home Depot and getting massive amount of large shelving and redesigning the entire store. Then, we stopped and thought about how much work that is, how much time it would take, how unprepared we are, etc. So we didn't. We decided (well Brian decided and then convinced me) to take it slow, plan it all out on paper with proper measurements and details, then get all the supplies and be organized about it. I don't think that way at all. I like to just jump into things and figure them out as I go along, but with a project this big I'm kind of glad I have him to keep me in check.

Instead of doing all this pro-active work stuff on our day off, we went to the Jewish deli and got a delicious lunch:

I got a hot pastrami on rye, a square knish and as much coldslaw and sour pickles as I could possibly eat. Bri got a fresh turkey sandwich and a round knish. SO good. It was exactly what I wanted.

On our way out of the deli I noticed a store right next door with a huge sign that said "Free People". I didn't even realize it was a clothing store when we passed it originally. We went in and I was really excited to see so many clothes I loved. I tried stuff on and bought some things:

L to R: a pair of grey jeans from J Brand, a Free People hoodie and an I Love NY Hello Kitty tank top.

The hoodie and tank were on sale and the jeans were cheaper than anywhere else I've seen them. I've actually been on a search for the perfect pair of grey jeans and these are them! I just need to get them tailored (the joy of being 5'1").

Now I'm back at the apartment updating my iPod while B and Sean are watching TV. We're going to see I Love You, Man later. We were going to go last night but last minute I changed my mind. I used to have a pretty bad anxiety problem but I'm almost completely over it now. The only places I still get a little anxious are at the movies and on the subway. For some reason I had a weird feeling last night that I would get anxious so I bailed before I had the chance. I expected them to go still but they decided to stay and wait for me. I heard it's really funny so I'm psyched.

Punk Rock

2009-03-28T12:35:00.006-04:00

I ran into an old friend of mine (I see him every so often) and he said he wanted to post on my facebook during the week because he downloaded an Adolescents cd and it reminded him of me. He said the first time he heard of them was when I made him a cassette of their music when he was a freshman in high school. I remember I got that CD at Soapbox Records on St. Marks Place. It's so funny, I still love that band whenever I hear them. I don't think to listen to them too often, only when I'm feeling nostalgic or trying to channel my punk rock teenager self.

I used to be so into it. When I was 15/16 I had pink hair and purple hair and used to go to shows all the time. My exboyfriend had pink and orange spikey hair and was in a band. I would wear fishnets, plaid skirts, leopard print everything, multi-colored patent leather Doc Martens and go to St. Mark's to all the punk stores to buy my stuff (Freaks and Trash & Vaudeville had the best clothes and jewelery). I had a camo bag with patches and pins and studs all over it. I liked pop punk type stuff like NOFX, the Descendents, MxPx, the Bouncing Souls, Operation Ivy, Anti-Flag and "street punk" type stuff like the Unseen, the Casualties, Violent Society, A Global Threat, etc. It's actually really funny to think about now. I thought I was so bad ass. Thank god I had cool parents who let me do whatever because it really allowed me to grow and explore and figure out who I wanted to be. Of course I went through some weird phases (at different times in my life I've been a wanna-be ghetto princess, skater girl, punk rock, raver, rockabilly, hardcore straight-edge) but it all led me to who I am today. You could never tell by looking at me that I've been into all that stuff but it's MUCH better that way. I don't look like I'm trying to play a part and I can't be pigeon-holed at a glance.

I wish I had this photo of me on my computer at work. It's me at 15, with purple hair, a plaid bondage skirt and an Unseen shirt outside a show at CBGB's. I have to dig that up and completely embarass myself. **EDIT** Found it!

This is a song from the Adolescents, I actually got this song in my head about a month ago and it caused me to tear apart my parents' house trying to find the record:

Catch-up / Dinner / NCAA / Hair

2009-03-25T17:14:00.008-04:00

I can't believe it's Saturday already! So far this week has been nothing but me playing catch up. I relish Sunday as my one day a week off, but last Sunday was awful! I woke up with a stomach thing and spent the entire day on the couch watching college basketball. Pros: It only lasted a day and I got every single Saturday and Sunday game on my bracket right. Cons: Vom'ing, liquid diet, all that good stuff and I didn't get a chance to do any chores.

I felt sick still Monday and Tuesday so I took it easy, came home straight from work, cleaned the house, etc. Same for Wednesday, then Thursday we met up with Sean at the mall for dinner (plus B and I had to go to Bed Bath and Beyond for some house stuff) at the Cheesecake Factory. SO good. I didn't eat lunch so I got a bunch of small plates (shrimp scampi crostini, stuffed mushrooms, fried zucchini and fried artichoke hearts with a lemon aioli) and completely gorged myself. We met up with Brendan, Christine and a bunch of other people at Buffalo Wildwings to watch the college basketball games (I ended up being tied for first at the end of the night) and then had them over our house to watch the end of the late game.

Yesterday was a good day, too. I re-potted my sunflowers in 3 gallon containers, put the flowering light over them and re-set the timer for shorter days, so hopefully they'll start coming out soon. After work I had a hair appointment, which was my first hair appointment since October. I NEVER go that long between dyes/cuts but with work and the business I seriously haven't had time. Also I was really unhappy with my last colorist (she does my mom's hair and does an awesome job but for some reason she was never thorough with mine). The first (and last) two times she did my hair she didn't cover my highlights enough and I had a band where my roots met my old highlights...not very noticeable but if I'm paying for my hair to be done I want it to look good. So I made an appointment at this salon I used to go to when I was in high school and asked for the best colorist they have, which was the owner. She did an awesome job! She did exactly what I wanted and even noticed that the color didn't cover the highlights 100% and offered to have me come back in for free to re-apply. I have to wash it and see what it looks like because right now I honestly can't even tell. She was just very thorough and professional, plus it was cheaper than any place I've ever gone. For a semi-reparative dye and cut it was $110. When I lived in Brooklyn I was paying close to $300 for my highlights and cut. Crazy!

I got sushi after the salon (no meat Fridays is getting hard, I almost got a hero from the Italian deli for lunch by accident) and came home. Sean and Brendan were over and we hung out, watched basketball and ate dinner, then went to a birthday party at a local bar/restaurant. A lot of our friends were there and it was a fun night. We watched the NCAA games and I went down to 2nd place in our bracket challenge.

That is my week in review. =)

P.M.A. (Positive Mental Attitude)

2009-03-21T11:26:00.004-04:00

I consider myself a pretty positive person. These past few days, though, I've been so bitter! I find myself getting really mad over so many small things. For instance:

- Yesterday, I forgot to water my sunflowers (sooo, I've been slacking pretty bad with the updates!) so I came back to the store and got a spot right in front. There was a car double parked in the middle of the street a little ways up the block. When I parked, the driver jumped out of the car and started waving at me so I waved back. I got out of the car and he started screaming at me that he was taking that spot, and didn't I see him? I said "no, I didn't see you, you were all the way up the block with no blinker on, but I'll be less than 5 minutes if you want to wait." He kept going on and on about it, while I'm standing there with my key in the door to the store, so finally I was like, "I got the spot, get over it" and went to go inside. Then he said, "What is the matter with you?" Normally I'd just keep walking but that set me off. "What's the matter with me? You're the one who's out of your car, screaming at me in the middle of the street over a parking spot that I didn't even know you were taking. What's the matter with YOU?" I totally shouldn't have let myself get that mad, but I did.

- Today I noticed a couple of finches hopping around outside the store. In the spring and summer I put out bird seed for them and they all sit around and eat it. I put some on the curb and went inside to do some work. I noticed this guy (a neighborhood guy, he lives on the block) kicking all the birdseed into the sewer. He got in his car and drove away before I could yell at him but I was SO heated. I know it's not a big deal, I went outside and put more out and that was the end of it, but I just didn't see why it bothered him THAT much that he had to kick it into the sewer. I found myself stewing about it like 10 minutes after the fact.

Finches eating last summer

I guess I need to just chill out a little bit. It's crazy how little things can completely affect your mood. I got to talk with my dad earlier and vent about some stuff that was bothering me so that really helped. I never realized how much my parents are really two of my best friends. I can talk to them about anything and everything and they always give me awesome advice. I really value that. Sean and I were talking about a mutual friend (I was definitely hesitant to call them a friend, which means they aren't really) and a (terrible) decision he made recently. Sean had said, "Why didn't his dad turn around and be like, "What the fuck are you doing??" Mine would have." It's true, mine would have, too. Good parents are sometimes hard to come by and I completely appreciate mine.

Alpha-Female

2009-03-19T16:18:00.002-04:00

I am an alpha-female. My friend Sean called me that on Saturday and it's so true. I have guy-like tendencies, which I can only attribute to hanging out with my dad all the time when I was growing up. He wanted a son and in turn raised me as one. He claims he didn't, he just raised me like a kid, but he did things with me that a father would do with a son. We played catch, I would go with him to work on boats, he gave me an old socket wrench set as a toy, I wore jeans and t-shirts and sneakers instead of dresses and skirts. I had legos and cars (don't get me wrong, I had Barbies, too, but I preferred my cars over the Barbies). It's not all my dad's fault, my mom was never a girly girl. She didn't teach me the proper girl things like how to do my hair and how to put on makeup.

Looking at me now you would never consider me a tom-boy. I grew into a strong female, but if you look under the surface I am not typical. I am tough and proud (sometimes to a fault), I'm hard-working, I have that "provider" drive that is instilled in men from the time they're born, I'm sort of lax about things that guys are usually lax about (familial obligations, cleaning, cooking, etc...I care about those things to an extent but it all comes down to time) I am a slight control-freak. The control-freak part is what Sean pointed out. I like being the one to drive. I hate the way Brian drives, and not in the typical "OMG you're going too fast" girlfriend type of way. I feel like he doesn't have complete control of the car, like he's not experienced enough to drive the way he wants to. I admittedly drive fast and aggressively, but never reckless. I know exactly what I'm doing at all times and enjoy it. Saturday we were on the Henry Hudson and Westside Highway (my favorite roads to drive on...I blame it on when I used to commute) and I was driving in a way that Brian LIKES to drive in, but he is reckless about it. Sean said, "If Bri were driving right now you'd be having a heart attack," and it's true. Don't get me wrong, I definitely have that female side to me. He's affectionately nick-named me "Mama Linds" when I get my maternal side going.

Sometimes I don't like that masculine side of me. Like with the situation with my old friends. I got mad and offended and hurt, and instead of talking things out and emailing back and forth, I got all, "this is bullshit, fuck you then." Which might not have been the best response. I was unwilling to bend, and everytime I thought about everything I got so mad that I couldn't even bring myself to deal with. Typical guy behavior. I've learned from that, though.

My friend Carla and I were having problems, which was news to me today. I emailed her to say hi because I haven't talked with her lately and she wrote me back an email telling me how something I did bothered her. Even though I had to be the one to email her, I respect the fact that she was real with me instead of being fake, like "HI! I'm good! What's up with you?" which is what I think my old friends would have done. I got a little too proud for a second, then stopped and thought about it and wrote her back a thought out and honest email. I hope everything works out because I consider her a good friend. It's true what they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Firsts, lasts, future, current

2009-03-19T13:35:00.002-04:00

I was reading an old online journal of mine earlier and found all these funny/nostalgic/sad entries from a long time ago. I went back to around this time 5 years ago and found this survey:

.FIRSTS.
First best friend: stephanie samele
First car: '95 pontiac grand prix
First date: went to see the nutty professor
First real kiss: ian schuler
First break-up: ^
First screen name: sunshine823 or something like that
First self purchased album: new kids on the block - hangin' tough
First funeral: mr. beman
First pets: kayne the best german shepard in the world
First piercing/tattoo: nostril at 14
First credit card: none to this day, because i am smart.
First true love: brian
First enemy: valerie popov
First musician you remember hearing in your house: steve miller band

.LASTS.
Last car ride: from work to home tonight
Last kiss: brian
Last good cry: i don't remember
Last library book checked out: 9-11 by noam chomsky
Last movie seen: true romance
Last beverage drank: diet "spin" cola
Last food consumed: broccoli and cheddar bread bowl from panera
Last crush: who do you think?
Last phone call: my mom
Last time showered: last night
Last shoes worn: black maryjanes for work
Last cd played: skarhead - kings of crime
Last item bought: school girl nike dunks
Last annoyance: my cellphone's shitty battery life
Last disappointment: brian not being able to download the movie "honey" for me.
Last time wanting to die: today at work? no i'm kidding, not recently at all.
Last time scolded: yesterday, for "leaning" at work.
Last shirt worn: blondie t-shirt
Last website visited: amazon.com
Last word you said: "yeah"
Last song you sang: j-kwon - tipsy
What is in your cd player?: at home: the cure - greatest hits disc 1, in car: skarhead - kings at crime
What color socks are you wearing?: black (still in my work clothes)
What color of underwear are you wearing?: purple
What's under your bed?: posters, paper cutter, hello kitty pillow
What time did you wake up today?: 9am

FUTURE
Where do you want to go?: everywhere.
What is your career going to be?: i have no idea.
Where are you going to live?: probably new york. i don't think i'm ever going to leave again.
How many kids do you want?: none. i hate them.
What kind of car(s): who cares?

CURRENT
Current mood: anxious
Current music: none.
Current taste: soda.
Current hair: in a ponytail
Current clothes: black maryjanes, black socks, black gap pants, black blondie tshirt
Current annoyance(s): same as the last...my cellphone's battery life SUCKS.
Current longing: more money i guess?
Current desktop picture: shinkansen
Current favorite artist: warhol
Current book(s): truman capote - in cold blood (yes, still)
Current color of toenails: unpolished
Current time-wasting wish: to have more money.
Current hate: miserable people who get joy only from making other people miserable, people who act like friends but really aren't, working my ass off just to get by.

It's funny to read and see what has changed since then. It seems like it was yesterday but it was 5 years ago! Here are what my answers would be today:

.FIRSTS.
First best friend: stephanie samele
First car: '95 pontiac grand prix
First date: went to see the nutty professor
First real kiss: ian schuler
First break-up: ^
First screen name: sunshine823 or something like that
First self purchased album: new kids on the block - hangin' tough
First funeral: mr. beman
First pets: kayne the best german shepard in the world
First piercing/tattoo: nostril at 14
First credit card: none to this day, because i am smart.
First true love: brian
First enemy: valerie popov
First musician you remember hearing in your house: steve miller band

.LASTS.
Last car ride: to work this morning
Last kiss: Brian
Last good cry: Sunday, I was cranky and stressed
Last library book checked out: I don't even remember, but my most recent book purchase was, "No One Belongs Here More Than You," by Miranda July
Last movie seen: Role Models for the 2nd time on Saturday night
Last beverage drank: Illy coffee
Last food consumed: pistachio macarons
Last crush: B
Last phone call: a customer at work
Last time showered: This morning
Last shoes worn: brown Chuck Taylors
Last cd played: A-Trak - Dirty South Dance
Last item bought: Hooks and bins from the Container Store (boring)
Last annoyance: the rain
Last disappointment: it's not warm today
Last time wanting to die: Never!
Last time scolded: I don't even remember, I love being an adult!
Last shirt worn: tan Abercrombie sweater
Last website visited: gmail
Last word you said: ok
Last song you sang: Dead and Gone by Justin Timberlake and TI (thanks radio, I've had it stuck in my head all morning)
What is in your cd player?: At home: Amy Winehouse and Thrive Mix, in the car: DJ Dara - Full Circle...but I mostly just put my iPod on random
What color socks are you wearing?: white Juicy knee highs that say "Sweet Couture O' Mine" in pink and brown
What color of underwear are you wearing?: tan
What's under your bed?: Nothing
What time did you wake up today?: 9:30am

FUTURE
Where do you want to go?: Everywhere (I'm keeping that answer)
What is your career going to be?: This, the store.
Where are you going to live?: probably new york. i don't think i'm ever going to leave again. (I'm keeping that answer, too...although if it weren't for family and work I'd be in Cali)
How many kids do you want?: At the moment, none. In the future, who knows? Maybe one or two?
What kind of car(s): I'd love the get an Infiniti G35 or G37, or an Audi, but I try my hardest not to be flashy. That might change, though.

CURRENT
Current mood: tired
Current music: none.
Current taste: macarons and coffee
Current hair: down and curly
Current clothes: jeans, brown tank top, tan sweater, brown chucks, black vest (I know I'm inside, but it's cold in here!)
Current annoyance(s): same as the last...the rain
Current longing: summer
Current desktop picture: a picture of shells I took in Ocean Beach, CA
Current favorite artist: I still love Seonna Hong
Current book(s): Not my favorite just current that I'm reading, "No One Belongs Here More Than You," by Miranda July and "Garlic and Sapphires," by Ruth Reichl
Current color of toenails: Something About Pink by MAC
Current time-wasting wish: to have more free time
Current hate: bad drivers, cold weather

Never Not Working

2009-03-18T16:00:00.005-04:00

This tee is the story of my life lately. Or not so lately. I don't mind it because I love my job, but ever since my dad left and I've been running the company I've been so engulfed in my work it's crazy. I work 6 days a week, and even sometimes 7. Just this Sunday I stopped by to check on some things. I bring work home with me (both literally and figuratively). Saturday I was out front talking to one of the parking ticket guys and he said I'm "one hard-working lady". I took that as a huge compliment because I seriously pride myself on my work ethic. This is NY and we're in a dog-eat-dog financial climate. You work as hard as you can, for as long as you can, and then, after you've made your money, you enjoy it. While you're working you take breaks when you can, go on a vacation here and there, eat good, spoil yourself sometimes and make the best of it.

My dad is a huge inspiration to me. I look at what 13 years of very hard work and dedication got him. I say 13 years because that's how long we've been in business but he's worked his entire life to get to this point. Granted, he hasn't made the best choices in his past but he had to provide for us somehow, and look what it lead him to. He's 60 years old and is able to take the winter off and live on his boat with my mom and cruise around the islands. He's established a great business with loyal clientele (I'd go as far as to call many of them friends). He created something that I've learned and, god willing, will help me provide for my family the same way it has for us. Whenever I stop and think about where we were and where we are, I can't help but spill over with pride for him. I think that's what makes me really appreciate all he's done and what we have, because we didn't always have it.

Entroducing...

2009-03-16T16:37:00.003-04:00

SAMMY! This is Sammy, my new 10 week old chinchilla (he's sleeping in this photo). I got him last week and he's so awesome. We got him this crazy cage with four levels and slides and tunnels and a hammock. He loves it, however upon doing further research we found out that plastic can be toxic to chinchillas if chewed. And they chew on everything. So B went crazy and ordered all these wooden shelves and chinchilla-safe toys (a flying saucer that they run on...insane) so we're going to replace everything once that comes in the mail. He hasn't figured out he can chew on it yet so I think we're safe for a few more days. What I love about him is that he sleeps during the day and gets crazy at night, so we come home from work right as he's waking up. The past few nights when we've been playing with him he's tried getting out of the cage. I need to get one of those pen things that I can set up in the living room so he can run around and chill with us but not get lost under the couch or anything. I'm so glad B likes him, I was afraid he'd immediately veto the idea but he's into it.

PS: The title of this post is a DJ Shadow reference, I totally know how to spell.

Breakfast of Champions

2009-03-14T13:06:00.002-04:00

Macarons & Illy coffee

Pistachio macarons are my absolute favorite! I'm so glad they had them this morning (they're usually out whenever I look for them), and Illy makes the best coffee. The French bakery by my job is my favorite breakfast spot.

This is me being open and vulnerable.

2009-03-09T14:47:00.005-04:00

In my very first post on this blog I wrote that I tend to subconsciously start new journals/blogs when I feel like I'm entering into a new chapter of my life. I wrote, "There have been a ton of other things going on and many more transitions I've had to deal with lately but I'll save those for another date."

I guess this is that date.

I'm a loner, by definition, but I'm sort of a secret loner. Growing up I was an only child. I have a small family and I was the first grandchild. My parents were sort of antisocial so they didn't make play-dates with me and their friends' kids. I learned very early on how to spend time alone and enjoy my own company. I grew up living in my own head. Reading books, writing in my journals (I had my first journal when I was 5), tagging along with my dad when he was on his boat jobs and playing on the docks (he was a boat mechanic/diesel technician for a lot of my childhood...my favorite was when he was the mechanic for the 79th St. Boat Basin).

As I got older I made friends, had sleepovers, went out on the weekends, did normal girl things. All my best friends moved, though, and left me to find new best friends. My best friend in 1st & 2nd grade was Jenny, an "army brat" who had to leave when her dad got re-stationed. My best friend in 3rd & 4th grade was Megan, who went off to private school. In 5th grade I made "friends" (more like frienemies) with this girl M. She was my best friend and worst enemy all at once. She would make fun of me behind my back to our other friends, turn friends against each other because she was bored, stole from me, etc. Maybe your typical girl stuff, except I was never like that. Over the years we stayed friends, though (along with K). We had our group and some people came in and out of the group but we always stayed. We were best friends throughout Middle School, High School, College and then into our young adult-hood. We got over our little-kid problems and grew into actual best friends.

As of last year there were 5 of us who were still friends. There was always a lot of drama and talking behind peoples' backs, lots of high school stuff (that said, there were PLENTY of awesome, fun memories, the drama just happened to follow). It all came to a head somewhere around August.

Basically it went like this:

Brian and Sean don't get along with a male friend of ours. Mel was having a birthday party and asked me not to bring them. Instead of letting them be adults and make the decision themselves, instead of asking them herself, instead of staying out of it. I thought that was rude. I told her so and didn't go to the party. M and I talked about it, she agreed with me. M had a party a month later. When sending out invitations, she sent Brian and Sean separate emails starting with, "I'm sending out invitations to my birthday party and you won't be getting one." She sent me an email saying how we'll always be us and how she's my best friend, etc. I appreciated the email but couldn't believe she turned around and did the same thing Mel did. I was put in a position to choose between my friend and my bf and other friend, when I felt like it wasn't even necessary. I felt like adults shouldn't be doing things like that. Adults should let other adults make their own decisions. It shouldn't have become that big of a deal.

So I took a step back. I was hurt. I would never do that to my friends, I would never make them feel like I was choosing someone else over them. I would treat their boyfriends like they were just extenstions of them, with respect. Because it involved Brian and Sean, there was a lot of talking behind my back and a lot of lies. I felt betrayed. Best friends should have open lines of communication. They should ask questions and not make assumptions. The whole situation felt very high school ("You can't come to my birthday party because you were mean to my friend,") and I couldn't handle it. I was just over it completely. I called M to say Happy Birthday and haven't talked to anyone since. I received a drunken text from M one Sunday during the football season and an email from another friend H who hadn't bothered to talk to me for 6 months. Besides that no one has reached out and neither have I.

It's hard because part of me misses the friendships we had. We were best friends for practically 15 years. Mel, H and I for about 10. That seems like forever. Then I was reading Chelsea's blog last week. She wrote:

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about all of the things that we keep past the point of going bad; jobs, friends, relationships, that random package of gravy mix?, our presence at a party after the clock strikes midnight and everyone has turned into really fucked up versions of themselves and yet you continue to stay anyway.

The excuses always come down to really inexcusable things like; "but there's so much history...I'm not going to throw it away because we would have wasted so many years together."

It's true. I guess it's done. It's sad but I think we all just grew into different people with different values and ideals.

It was really hard for me to write this entry. I think because I hadn't fully faced it yet, I hadn't come to terms with it. I wanted to write it back in December but I wasn't ready to yet.

Grandparents, macarons and chinchillas

2009-03-08T21:12:00.004-04:00

Today I slept in, accidentally (thanks Daylight Savings). I wanted to go see my grandparents and Brian had to go to Brooklyn to see his family so we went our separate ways. I went to my favorite local French bakery and got coffee and macarons. I love their pistachio but they only had lemon and raspberry so I got a box for me and one for my grandma. I went to see her at the nursing home she stays at. She was sad because my mom's been gone for so long but luckily my mom called while I was there so they got to talk for a little while. I stayed for about an hour, then went to my grandpa's house to drop off her laundry. My grandpa does her laundry and sends it back with either me, my uncle or one of the guys that works for him. I hung out with my grandpa for 3+ hours, just talking and cooking. He was making food for himself (calamari and shrimp in fra diavolo sauce) and ended up giving it to me to bring home to Bri. He loves Brian. They've got this big-guy bond. It makes me really happy that he has my grandpa's seal of approval. Today was honestly one of the best days off I've had in awhile. I got to see my family and eat good food. OH! I also stopped by a pet store on the way up to my grandma's to look around and see if they had any cute bunnies. Last night I decided I wanted to get a new bunny. I had one for 5 years but he passed away in 2003.

I was really sad for awhile but I think I'm ready for a new one. My old bunny had floppy ears and I wanted my new one to have them, too. I even picked out a name: Flops. I didn't see any cute bunnies today, however I completely fell in love with a chinchilla! Before I had a bunny I had a chinchilla. His name was Charlie and he was awesome. I've always wanted another one! I impulsively put a deposit down on a beige male chinchilla and tomorrow after work Brian's going to come with me to the store and meet him and hopefully take him home. I was nervous Brian would want to kill me, he's told me many times that he doesn't want a small pet, only a dog (which we can't have right now). He's kind of into the idea, though. I caught him looking at chinchilla cage reviews online. I'm really excited! My landlord doesn't allow pets but hopefully he won't mind/know.

Lent, Easter, Chocolate

2009-03-07T17:41:00.004-05:00

Religion is always a touchy subject for people. I don't like to talk about it much because everyone has different views. My dad is an Atheist (Jewish by blood but it ends there), my mom is Roman Catholic and raised me as such. She's very "whatever" about it, though. When I was younger she enrolled me in religion class, made me complete my sacraments and after confirmation let me do what I wanted. My middle name is Sunshine, not even a saint's name, much to my Grandma's dismay. Growing up she used to lie to me and say my middle name was Catherine, but that was just my baptismal name. I try to go to church at least once a year but that usually doesn't happen. I do celebrate the holidays in my own way, though. This year for Lent I gave up chocolate. Which is very sad. Not only do I love chocolate all year long, Easter candy is my absolute favorite. I look forward to it for an entire year. This is seriously one of the biggest sacrifices I've made in awhile. To combat it, I've decided to not stop buying it. Every time I see a Cadbury Creme Egg or Cadbury Mini Eggs and I get the urge to buy them, I will. I'll save them up until Easter comes and then I will devour them.

No Car Payments

2009-03-06T19:42:00.007-05:00

5 years ago my mom and I went to the car dealership and I got a car. It was a 2001 Honda Civic and I loved it. My first car was a hand-me-down from my mom, a red 1995 Pontiac Grand Prix. It was huge, guzzled oil and had to be serviced many times in the 2 years I had it (including a new transmission...ouch). So, when I test drove my little Honda I immediately knew it was the car for me. It was compact (at that time I was living in street-parking hell), zippy, comfortable and, most importantly, affordable. I put down a decent chunk and financed the rest over 5 years. My payments were low, less than $200 a month. Last week I made my last payment and yesterday in the mail I received my notice of lien clearance from Honda and the DMV. It's such an accomplished feeling and a huge sense of relief! I own my car. As much as I would love to drive a new shiny car, and I'm constantly going back and forth over it, I am very sentimental about my car. We've been together through so much! We've driven down to Florida and lived there for awhile, lived in NJ and drove on the turnpike almost every weekend to see my parents, driven to many different states on road trips, lived in Brooklyn with me and commuted back and forth for three hours a day, got hit by an overzealous ambulance with no lights or sirens on and taken me to and from many good memories. I love MY car!

That said, Infiniti G35's and G37's are really pretty and a girl can daydream a little, right?

Sunflower Progress 5, Winter Blues & Tanning

2009-03-06T13:15:00.007-05:00

I accidentally deleted 2 days worth of sunflower progress photos. Oops. Here are my photos for today:

The high output fluorescent lighting makes it hard to get a good photo that isn't too washed out. You can't really tell but they all have their first set of real leaves. Exciting. It should be warming up this weekend (it's already near 50 today) so hopefully they'll start growing a little faster.

I honestly can't wait for the Spring. I'm not made for the winter! I'm little and always cold. Usually I get the whole seasonal depression thing, or at least a touch of it. After I came back from the Bahamas in January I realized how much the sun had helped me and my mental health. I started going to the tanning place once or twice a week and it has really helped keep my winter blues at bay. Also it's really helped my skin a lot. In the winter I tend to break out because of my complete combination skin. Either my skin is trying to overcompensate for its dryness by producing excess oil or my pores are getting clogged because I'm using too much moisturizer. The "sun" fixes that problem immediately. I know it's fake, I've always made fun of girls who go to tanning salons. You can spot that orange glow a mile away. If you do it right, though, it looks completely normal and natural. I use the best booth with the least amount of UVA and UVB rays and I'm pretty much my normal color just a little more brown.

Reason #1 why I love snow days (the only reason)

2009-03-05T17:57:00.008-05:00

Monday was a Snow Day for Carla so she came to hang out at the shop and brought my favorite little asshole with her:

This is Brooklyn. She's the best/worst ever and I love her. She's a 2 1/2 year old blue AmStaff. She's actually looking for a good permanent home, which makes me kind of sad because I'd love to keep her but unfortunately can't right now.

Sunflower Progress 4

2009-03-05T13:41:00.006-05:00

I came into work on Monday to find that my sunflower seedlings were ready to be transplanted and put under a better light. So I did:

I put them in 1 gallon containers and labeled them with which food I'm feeding them. I put them up on wooden crates that my dad had in the back. I love the crates. Someone actually came in recently asking if he could have them because he collects old crates. I felt bad saying no but I think they're awesome and didn't really want to part with them. They have the names of dairies in NYC on them.

Here are the sunflowers Tuesday:

They're coming along pretty well for only being 1 week old from seed. I haven't gotten my photos up from today yet but the second set of leaves are coming in. It's been really cold in here these past few days and that's definitely inhibited growth but it should be warming up soon.

Sunday City Shopping

2009-03-02T13:51:00.008-05:00

Today is our best friend Sean's birthday so yesterday Bri and I went into the city in search of birthday presents. We started out in Soho and were very successful with gifts. He may or may not read my blog so I'm not saying what they are. We also ended up doing some shopping for ourselves. I got two new nailpolishes at MAC (Shirelle and Dark Angel) and since I never got my Hello Kitty tote bag with my original Hello Kitty purchases he gave me one with my normal purchases. I got an awesome mug in the MoMa store! The handle makes it look like you're wearing a diamond ring:

I didn't realize that the Tokidoki Capsule Store is right next to Union on Spring St.. We were in Union for Bri and Sean and I just happened to notice a couple people inside the Tokidoki store. I walked in and talked to the people working there and it's open! They did a soft opening and the official grand opening will be on Saturday the 7th with Simone Legno doing signings. They have a bunch of bags, toys and practically the entire Hello Kitty x Tokidoki collection. I saved all my big purchases for the grand opening.

Then I went to Kee's Chocolates on Thompson for macarons! I'm absolutely obsessed with French macarons and can never find any really good traditional ones. The best I've ever had so far are from Miette in San Francisco. I can't wait for July, I'm trying to plan another trip out to SF for a trade show for work and I will undoubtebly stock up on delicious Miette baked goodness. Anyway, so Kee's. Apparently I hadn't done my research on these. Their signature filling is a dark chocolate ganache base. I am a good catholic girl and gave up chocolate for Lent. So. No macarons for me. It was a very hard sacrifice to make, they were right in front of me in all of their sugary glory. The flavors that stood out the most to me were the Rasberry and Black Sesame. Oh well, after Easter I'm going to completely gorge myself.

We headed back over to the East Side to stop by some more shops for the guys and Urban Outfitters for me. I like the one on 2nd Ave. much more than the one on Broadway. It's not as busy and messy as the other. I fell in love with two pairs of sandals:

I couldn't buy them, though. I'm a true 6.5US. The don't come in 1/2 sizes and the 6's were too small and the 7's were too big. So now I'm on a quest for the perfect sandals. The fact that we're in the middle of a snowstorm sort of put a damper on that but I will get re-motivated and I will find them. I also picked up a few of the Hello Kitty blind box toys, a scarf, a set of bracelets and a shirt. Here are all my purchases:

When I opened my blind boxes at home I ended up getting good ones! For my Moofia's I got:

I already have the baby bottle at home so I brought it for my desk at work. For my HK's I got:

Brooklyn (top right), Clouds & Rainbows (middle row, last) and the black one with polkadots (bottom left). I didn't have Brooklyn yet, the clouds and rainbows was a double so I brought that to work, too, and the polkadot one is actually the 3rd of that design I have! I think I'm going to give it to Kiera. Speaking of Kiera and HK, last night she told me that a new Sanrio store opened up right here. I'm so ridiculously excited because the one I used to go to in NJ closed a few months back. Hello Kitty and Sanrio are one of my (many) guilty pleasures. I've been obsessed with Hello Kitty for as long as I can remember. At least since I was about 10. Anyway, I'm definitely going to check it out tonight if I have time before dinner.

Tonight we're going out to a fancy dinner with some of our friends to celebrate Sean's birthday. I'm actually really excited, I've been completely craving a really nice dinner lately but we've been working really hard and haven't had the time. I love getting dressed up with my friends and doing adult things.

Motivate me.

2009-02-28T14:28:00.003-05:00

Last night I was in such an emotional mood. We ended up staying at work an hour and a half later than we should have because customers came in at the last minute. On Friday night. I love that. Can you hear my sarcasm? Anyway, by the time we left I was tired and achy from working all week. I knew I had a ridiculously messy apartment to come home to, that I should've cleaned all week but flaked on, and I was hungry. I was SO cranky. Brian and I wanted to go out to a fancy dinner, we had been planning it all week, but both of us weren't feeling it at all. I came home and immediately started cleaning like a mad-woman, to the point of total exhaustion. Brian came into the bedroom as I was sorting laundry and said, "Lynda says "You need to eat." Lynda is my mom. Who always would remind me to eat when I was in a bad mood because she knew me enough to know that a good meal would solve all of my problems. Who I haven't seen since the beginning of January and before that hadn't seen since the beginning of October. Who I haven't spoken with for over a week, which is a really long time for us. I started bawling. It was definitely one of those "overwhelmed girl" moments. Brian went out and got us food, which was delicious and exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately the emotional stuff didn't stop, I was watching TV and crying at all the sad parts, which wouldn't have been sad under normal circumstances. It's not "that time of the month" or anything, I guess I just needed a good cry (or seven).

Lately I've been missing my parents like crazy. I shouldn't say lately, because honestly I've missed them like this since they left in October for their trip. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing grown-up, like this is just a game and as soon as they get back it will end. It won't, though. I need to come to terms with the fact that this is the beginning of the rest of my life. This is where I'm going to work, this what I'm going to do, Brian is the person I'm going to spend it with, this is the area I'm going to be living in. It's a very finite feeling. I'm ok with it, though. I don't feel stuck or anything, which is weird because if this were a year or two ago I definitely would have. I'd be feeling like my life is over, this is it, I don't have anything else to look forward to. But it's not scary anymore. It's just new still and I need to get used to it.

Working six days a week is definitely taking its toll on me. I need more time. I miss having my flexible weekday off. That was so great. When most of the world was at work I could get all of my chores done. It was a day that I could have to myself, to do whatever I wanted. I could catch up on sleep, clean the house, go food shopping, go to the city, read a book, do ANYTHING. I miss that so much. I still have Sunday off but a lot of the time it's filled with chores and/or familial obligations. I don't get much "Me Time." To be honest I don't even feel like I need "Me Time" too much anymore, more like time period. I'm never going to get around having to work on Saturdays so I'm just going to have to balance the time I do have better. I've always been terrible at that. If I'm ever going to get better at it now is the time to do that.

This is a playlist that always seems to motivate me and put me in better spirits as far as working and living is concerned:

It's missing one of my favorite songs that always cheers me up:

Sunflower progress 3 and why I chose them

2009-02-28T13:15:00.004-05:00

Saturday, 2/28 @ 11:30am.

Most of the seeds have righted themselves and hopefully will grow properly. I'm completely excited to transplant them into real containers and start with my feeding and testing. I'm mostly just completely excited to have real sunflowers that I grew.

Sunflowers are one of my favorite flowers ever. My middle name is Sunshine so I love everything sun-related. I'm a complete summer baby and sunflowers remind me so much of my favorite season and being outdoors and feeling alive. They're beautiful and huge and eye catching. For my wedding I want to have sunflowers and white calla lilies. Well, first I have to see if those two flowers even look good together, they're so different. Oh and first I have to get engaged. That's pretty important before planning a wedding.

Sunflower progress 2

2009-02-27T19:16:00.002-05:00

Friday 2/27 @ 7:15pm

Shake & Pop

2009-02-27T14:45:00.004-05:00

Steve Aoki is spinning at Webster Hall tonight. I have work in the morning and a lot of stuff to take care of up here, so I probably won't be going. I'm not a huge fan or anything, but I really love this song:

I love Kid Sister, I seriously can't get enough of her.

Sunflower progress

2009-02-27T12:16:00.005-05:00

I came into work this morning and went to check out my seeds. I was completely surprised by how much they grew since last night.

That photo was taken at about 12pm today, 19 hours since the photo in my last entry. This has lead me to want to make a complete documentation of growth. The reason I'm starting six plants is so I can do a side-by-side test of different fertilizers. I was going to keep the information for myself and the customers in the store but I think I'm going to try to blog about the progress also. I like to keep my work and personal business very separate but with my blog I don't think that's 100% possible (definitely possible but never 100%). I started this to write about myself, my life, what I do...I made a conscious decision to be a bit more vulnerable in this blog than my previous journals. So I'm sharing my findings because it's something I'm excited and passionate about.

My first order of business (so official, I know) is to take another photo at the end of the day today to show their progress in six hours.

Food, dancing pandas, work and gardening.

2009-02-26T17:01:00.011-05:00

There's this place by my job where I get lunch sometimes. Every time I eat there I always wonder, "Why don't I get food here more often???" Today I went there and got a sandwich called the Humungus Fungus. It sounds gross, I know, but it's delicious. From their website:" Grilled portabello mushrooms, roasted red peppers and imported aged provolone cheese on an Italian hero with pesto & balsamic vinegar." SO GOOD. Getting a good lunch at work makes my day so much better.

Another thing that makes my day better is getting ridiculous emails from Brian. For instance, I received an email with just this in the body: You might not be able to tell from that picture but it is an abnormally chubby panda, and it's actually supposed to be animated and dancing. Trust me, it's funnier when it's dancing. I love pandas so I thought that was really cute.

Work today has been a mix of busy and slow...mostly pretty slow, though. I don't mind, I pretty much always expect it to slow down this time of year (taxes, ugh) and also towards the end of the month (bills, ugh). I'm sure it will pick back up again soon. At least we have time to clean up a little and get things done. When it starts getting warmer out I like to start up some displays in the store. Yesterday I cleaned out one of my trays and domes and started some Sunflower seeds. This morning I came in and they had already cracked:

Those little white things are the roots starting to come out. Unfortunately I put them in upside down so they're going to have to right themselves. I hope. If not I'll try and help them along but I want to see if they'll do it on their own first. I'm actually really excited because I've never grown sunflowers before. I try to stick with plants that don't get too tall so I can manage them indoors, but I'm thinking of this as a challenge. I also impulsively bought some corn seeds, but I think corn indoors might be a little too ambitious. I'm still deciding, though. Last year I tried to grow Super Beefsteak tomatoes in a hydroponic setup. It didn't work out too well, two weeks in they were already growing into the light. I transplanted them to soil buckets outdoors but by that point it was too late in the season. It took them two weeks to recover from the shock of changing mediums/watering systems, and to be honest I don't think they ever 100% recovered. I got a couple of small tomatoes but not at all what I wanted. This year I'm starting them indoors in soil and then bringing them out pretty early. I've developed a serious passion for gardening but I've learned I need to take baby steps so I don't overwhelm myself.

Saturday Shopping.

2009-02-23T16:44:00.008-05:00

When I was younger, mostly around Back-To-School time, my mom would take me shopping. When we would get home I'd try on all my new stuff and run to show my dad. When he complimented something I picked out it made me feel good. Validated, almost. When I got older and moved out, after most shopping trips I would stop at their house and show my mom all of my new stuff. She gave me her opinion and we would talk about each item. I know it's a silly tradition but, now that they're away, one that I miss. I guess that's why I blog about what I buy when I go shopping. This is a new way for me to share it with other people and get their feedback, since my mom is unavailable. So, thanks for reading.

In my last entry I said I was going to Anthropologie to make an exchange. Here is what I bought while I was there:

Last time I was there I saw this shirt in grey, but there was only one left in my size and it had a huge stain on it. I was really happy to find it in navy this time! Also, on sale!

This was another shirt I found on sale. I love the way the front is all drapey.

My favorite purchase (and a total splurge)! This fun Ella Moss tank top is so summery! I love it! I'm totally resisting the urge to go out wearing this and short jeans and sandals in 30 degree weather.

Right near Anthropologie there is a Victoria's Secret. I hate bra shopping. Seriously, hate it. It's my least favorite thing to shop for aside from jeans. I'm 5'1" and finding a good pair of jeans that I don't have to get tailored is super hard. Anyway, earlier in the day I had received a $10 off coupon in the mail so I decided to stop in and see if there was anything new that I liked. 30 minutes and entirely way too much money later...

New black Angels bra (I have like 4 different versions of this bra but I love them all).

Same bra as above but in a greyish purple and pink color scheme. I'm boring, I know, but once I find something good I stick with it.

This bra and underwear combo. I have the same bra in nude and black (again, boring).

I also got a bunch of those 3-for and 5-for undies.

I wandered into Pottery Barn next but didn't buy anything. I had wanted to buy these glass bottles I had seen online but they were online/catalog only. Side-note: right after Christmas I bought a bunch of their Organic Cotton Turkish bath towels and it's seriously insane how soft they are. You know what they say, once you go Turkish-terry you don't go back (I don't think anyone actually says that).

Going to PB and Anthropologie got me in the "I want to decorate my apartment and make it beautiful" frame of mind. I absolutely fell in love with this duvet/bedding set from Anthropologie:

I neeeed it.